Over thinking worries and racing thoughts

[Elykyle]

This is my second post on LFAD so I'm pretty new to this and I'm going to apologize in advance if my writing is all over the place. 6 months ago I came across and amazing person online and we started dating close to a month after we met. We started our relationship despite being 2,768 miles away he lives in California and is a senior in highschool and I live in New Jersey I'm 20 and graduated high school two years ago. To say the least he is an amazing person and for once I can honestly say this about someone and mean it he is the man of my dreams and so much more we hit it off instantly and connected on such a great level words can't even describe The feeling I get when we talk, it's like talking to someone I've known for YEARS. We never met in person but if you read my previous post you already know we will be meeting for the first time in 2 months we have other dates ahead as well with plane tickets already bought. We keep in contact Everyday we never miss a day of talking on the phone texting or facetiming actually we literally FaceTime almost every minute of the day we go to sleep together on FaceTime every night we wake up together I even am on FaceTime when he's in school we talk all throughout the day even when I'm at work and in the night when we're both home were always in contact. But recently id say around February things have became so hard not physically but definitely mentally and emotionally for me it's like I developed anxiety over night and it's been a constant struggle since. Now I find myself questioning my feelings and it really hurts me I know my feelings are there because when ever I see his face on FaceTime my eyes just light up and I can't help but to smile. But recently my emotions and thoughts have been like spiraling out of control making me over think over analyze and question anything I'm questioning my feelings because sometimes I don't feel anything sometimes I feel so empty and my mind feels so foggy and I'm so easily irritated recently and I start trying to figure out why I'm feeling like this and I start thinking hmm maybe you're feeling like this because you're not really in love but i know for sure I am I just don't like not feeling anything and having this empty feeling and racing thoughts my mind really is starting to become my worst enemy I just want to know if this is normal? I'm very open with this with my SO and he's more than supportive and has givin me really good advice to this issue, he has some personal issues as well for example my past relationships bother him they make him jealous, and I think my past relationships are playing a big role with how I'm feeling as well I had 2 previous relationships before my current one and they were very toxic I put in a lot of effort and I'm the end I just got hurt and cheated on in both of them the second one is what I think messed me up the most even though I knew he cheated on me in the relationship I chose to stay even after he was caught again and again I chose to stay because I believed I wouldn't find anyone else even though I felt so terrible. and now when I feel nothing my mind over thinks and is like you're not really in love you're just lying to yourself and making yourself stay like you did last time but that couldn't be further from the truth my current relationship is NOTHING like my last we have full support In eachother and are Faithful and committed yes we argue but that's about the only issue we have but who doesn't argue? My boyfriend gave me really good advice he told me "I am not your past when you start to over think it's just because that empty feeling you get, that feeling of not feeling anything you have a bad memory associated with THAT feeling so when ever you feel like that you think of your past and you associate it to the now and I am not the past we are not the past" I also have a really bad habit of when ever we argue I just assume everything is going bad can someone please tell me the racing thoughts are normal it's really starting to take a toll on me and it's not fair on me or my boyfriend I love him dearly and can't imagine him not being here, he also said maybe I'm feeling like this because I'm not getting enough me time because I'm spending most of my days with him even when he's at school. and I'm not really usually busy the only time I am is when I'm at work which is only 4 days a week and even then my job isn't too consuming. And even though we are on FaceTime while he's at school he's keeping himself busy working and stuff the only time we don't talk is when he has theatre practice after school. But when I'm not talking to my boyfriend I get so sad and don't know what to do and then my mind begins to go all crazy with racing thoughts again my biggest fear is what if I still am over thinking and questioning even after we meet for the first time it's driving me crazy. And even when it's silent and we don't have much to talk about I over think and assume the worst or I'm not interesting etc PLEASE HELP I want to get back into control of my life without my anxious thoughts taking control

[Cup]

Hello Elykyle!

I was in your shoes less than a week ago. I've never written my fears on here but if i did, it would be a WHOLE lot like yours. We even have similar pasts, 2 last boyfriends cheated, the last one i knew about and forgave him, not because of insecurity but because i really thought he was worth it. So, like you, and around the same time, i met an amazing human being and about a couple of months ago, the anxiety started creeping in. i was no stranger to it. I overcame it once more about 3-4 years ago and this time i was determined to not let it take over again. It's funny, i am sort of all over the forum writing about this in one way or another, but for your case, it fits like a glove. I hope what worked for me helps you too!

First off, you have to read up about how anxiety works.In a few words, it's a defense mechanism of our bodies. When it sees danger, it starts putting up red flags. Your body is constantly on a flight or fight mode. Why does it see danger where there isn't any is probably due to stress. Now you should read up on this, cause im no doctor and you can see how the describing is going What i realized this time round was that i was under stress for a long time, due to my previous relationship, me previous job, my unstable life in general. This takes a toll on our bodies and in time, on our minds. Also, do not underestimate the stress your LDR is making you go through. It's a huge thing for our bodies and minds being apart from the person we love, away from hugs, from intimacy. We need all those and not having them is stressful, especially when you DO have someone but he's on the other side of the world!

So first step is to take care of your body. Ask a doctor about supplements you can take, like vitamins, or anything that can help anxiety (magnesium, 5htp etc). You need serotonin in your body, there are stuff that helps you produce it. Make sure to get a good night sleep , even if it means not talking to your SO that much. Cut down on the coffee (better if you quit completely) , try chamomile or valerian tea instead. Ginger tea is a great alternative too. Just go for tea that does not contain caffeine and go for herbs, always better. I hate the industrial stuff. Exercise!! Go to a gym, start a sport, pick up jogging , or even a long stroll does wonders. Get yourself moving! Exercise raises the levels of serotonin too. Clean up your diet. Cut out all sugars, eat whole food, google what foods are good for anxiety and go for it! Last one about the body but not least: Cry when you feel like it. Being strong does not mean no crying. Cry it out, cry it loud!! It's so rejuvenating !!


For your "soul" :
Surround yourself with friends . Talk to them about it, how you feel, why you feel it, get it off your chest. Always keep in mind though that they have limits too, so when you can't talk to your friends, come in here and rant, we can take it!! Also, and this is a personal choice, i avoided to talk about this to my SO. I only told him i was going through an anxiety phase, i didn't want him to see how insecure i was being about him, cause then it may stick in his head and every time he sees me anxious he might be thinking im all "is he gonna cheat" again. I do not want that. As long as i know it's anxiety, i don't want this to affect him. My true self is not the crazy jealous type. Now that i mentioned that, another step is to accept. Are you the crazy jealous type? Accept it. I accepted that i can turn into that type while im anxious. I get all suspicious AND question my feelings like you too. I accepted that , hey, i'm human, i have flaws, one of them is the crazy jealous type, i HATE it, but it happens. I found peace.
Soul search! Yes, do it! Anxiety, as i see it, magnifies your insecurities. Look deep into why you are feeling like that and find the source. Mine and usually everyone's, were my parents (no s*** Sherlock !). Once you find the source, or even if you don't, do the following step:
Write ! Get it all out on paper! This REALLY helped me. I wrote a letter to my ex and a letter to my parents. Write everything down, don't hold back on anger or the truth. You are not going to send these letters, you can type them and delete them immediately. I still have them so i can check on them if i ever fall in this phase again, like a diary.

These are the stuff i did to get out of the position you are in now and it worked.After almost two months of hell, i can say it's been almost a week and i am back to my old self. Negative thoughts still do find me, but i brush them off easier. Also, and i wrote this again on some other post, get a book on mindfulness. It did wonders for me the first time i had anxiety. The one i read was "Mindfulness by Gill Hasson". I remember it having practical tips on how to achieve the "living in the moment" attitude to life.

I really hope this helps! Take care and keep us posted!!!

edit: I totally forgot the most important : Build your self confidence. Start loving yourself. Look at what an amazing human being you are, what you have achieved , what you are going to achieve. Get back to your hobbies, this is really important. If you do not have any, FIND some. Everyone has something they love doing, they just never pursued it. When you are feeling down, like rock bottom down and you can't control your thoughts, push yourself to do even a simple task FOR YOU, like, comb your hair. It sounds stupid, but it works. Make a homemade facial mask, take a long bath, take care of yourself. Put on make up and don't go out, try on your fancy outfits, you're getting the point im sure.

[Elykyle]

Hello Elykyle!

I was in your shoes less than a week ago. I've never written my fears on here but if i did, it would be a WHOLE lot like yours. We even have similar pasts, 2 last boyfriends cheated, the last one i knew about and forgave him, not because of insecurity but because i really thought he was worth it. So, like you, and around the same time, i met an amazing human being and about a couple of months ago, the anxiety started creeping in. i was no stranger to it. I overcame it once more about 3-4 years ago and this time i was determined to not let it take over again. It's funny, i am sort of all over the forum writing about this in one way or another, but for your case, it fits like a glove. I hope what worked for me helps you too!

First off, you have to read up about how anxiety works.In a few words, it's a defense mechanism of our bodies. When it sees danger, it starts putting up red flags. Your body is constantly on a flight or fight mode. Why does it see danger where there isn't any is probably due to stress. Now you should read up on this, cause im no doctor and you can see how the describing is going What i realized this time round was that i was under stress for a long time, due to my previous relationship, me previous job, my unstable life in general. This takes a toll on our bodies and in time, on our minds. Also, do not underestimate the stress your LDR is making you go through. It's a huge thing for our bodies and minds being apart from the person we love, away from hugs, from intimacy. We need all those and not having them is stressful, especially when you DO have someone but he's on the other side of the world!

So first step is to take care of your body. Ask a doctor about supplements you can take, like vitamins, or anything that can help anxiety (magnesium, 5htp etc). You need serotonin in your body, there are stuff that helps you produce it. Make sure to get a good night sleep , even if it means not talking to your SO that much. Cut down on the coffee (better if you quit completely) , try chamomile or valerian tea instead. Ginger tea is a great alternative too. Just go for tea that does not contain caffeine and go for herbs, always better. I hate the industrial stuff. Exercise!! Go to a gym, start a sport, pick up jogging , or even a long stroll does wonders. Get yourself moving! Exercise raises the levels of serotonin too. Clean up your diet. Cut out all sugars, eat whole food, google what foods are good for anxiety and go for it! Last one about the body but not least: Cry when you feel like it. Being strong does not mean no crying. Cry it out, cry it loud!! It's so rejuvenating !!


For your "soul" :
Surround yourself with friends . Talk to them about it, how you feel, why you feel it, get it off your chest. Always keep in mind though that they have limits too, so when you can't talk to your friends, come in here and rant, we can take it!! Also, and this is a personal choice, i avoided to talk about this to my SO. I only told him i was going through an anxiety phase, i didn't want him to see how insecure i was being about him, cause then it may stick in his head and every time he sees me anxious he might be thinking im all "is he gonna cheat" again. I do not want that. As long as i know it's anxiety, i don't want this to affect him. My true self is not the crazy jealous type. Now that i mentioned that, another step is to accept. Are you the crazy jealous type? Accept it. I accepted that i can turn into that type while im anxious. I get all suspicious AND question my feelings like you too. I accepted that , hey, i'm human, i have flaws, one of them is the crazy jealous type, i HATE it, but it happens. I found peace.
Soul search! Yes, do it! Anxiety, as i see it, magnifies your insecurities. Look deep into why you are feeling like that and find the source. Mine and usually everyone's, were my parents (no s*** Sherlock !). Once you find the source, or even if you don't, do the following step:
Write ! Get it all out on paper! This REALLY helped me. I wrote a letter to my ex and a letter to my parents. Write everything down, don't hold back on anger or the truth. You are not going to send these letters, you can type them and delete them immediately. I still have them so i can check on them if i ever fall in this phase again, like a diary.

These are the stuff i did to get out of the position you are in now and it worked.After almost two months of hell, i can say it's been almost a week and i am back to my old self. Negative thoughts still do find me, but i brush them off easier. Also, and i wrote this again on some other post, get a book on mindfulness. It did wonders for me the first time i had anxiety. The one i read was "Mindfulness by Gill Hasson". I remember it having practical tips on how to achieve the "living in the moment" attitude to life.

I really hope this helps! Take care and keep us posted!!!

edit: I totally forgot the most important : Build your self confidence. Start loving yourself. Look at what an amazing human being you are, what you have achieved , what you are going to achieve. Get back to your hobbies, this is really important. If you do not have any, FIND some. Everyone has something they love doing, they just never pursued it. When you are feeling down, like rock bottom down and you can't control your thoughts, push yourself to do even a simple task FOR YOU, like, comb your hair. It sounds stupid, but it works. Make a homemade facial mask, take a long bath, take care of yourself. Put on make up and don't go out, try on your fancy outfits, you're getting the point im sure.

Thank you so much for not only your kind words and advice but for you taking the time out to actually read my post I know it was long ! But thank you so much it makes me feel so much better to know the way I'm feeling is normal and that I am not alone it's just something very difficult ! But thank you so much ill definitely give some of those things a try

[sasad]

Some of your anxiety will go down after you finally meet in real life. There is a lot of stress on loved with that foe sure. Because of your past, you may be setting up stuff in your head to keep you from being hurt .. It's the fear of the unknown.
Yes, unknown youngest and FaceTime, but meeting in real life, touching, smelling...it's so totally different!
Haha give up coffee? I would die lol... I wouldn't do a lot of changes now. Don't add more stress you don't need too add, but yes, make sure you rest and exercise. Even if it's just daily walks in a park. Good luck and congrats on the meet up to you both!!!

[Elizabeth123]

Welcome to LFAD!
Communication is very important in any LDR. That being said when your partner is in school he should focus on class and completing his degree.
cup made several great suggestions.
You need to focus on your job, hobbies, etc and keep yourself busy. Remember it's ok to seek out a counselor if you need to get help.
Hope your first meeting is wonderful!

[Cup]

Elykyle, don't mention it! It was my pleasure, after all that's what we are here for. I can relate so much with your situation!! I really hope you are feeling better! Keep us updated!!

@sasad I was thinking about the coffee thing so i looked it up. It appears that regular coffee drinkers may bot be affected as much by the increase of cortisol that caffeine causes. That said, it doesn't mean that coffee is actually good for you when you are stressed out, that's why i mentioned to cut it down a bit. Like if you are drinking 5-6 cups daily , narrow it down to 2. I was one of those, and cutting it off completely for several days actually helped. I do love my coffee though, so now i am trying to just keep it around 2-3 cups daily. Because every body is different, one can just try and see how their body reacts to the lack of or too much caffeine in their bloodstream. Interesting read, thank you for prompting that!

[redv]

Twin

Hello Elykyle!

I was in your shoes less than a week ago. I've never written my fears on here but if i did, it would be a WHOLE lot like yours. We even have similar pasts, 2 last boyfriends cheated, the last one i knew about and forgave him, not because of insecurity but because i really thought he was worth it. So, like you, and around the same time, i met an amazing human being and about a couple of months ago, the anxiety started creeping in. i was no stranger to it. I overcame it once more about 3-4 years ago and this time i was determined to not let it take over again. It's funny, i am sort of all over the forum writing about this in one way or another, but for your case, it fits like a glove. I hope what worked for me helps you too!

First off, you have to read up about how anxiety works.In a few words, it's a defense mechanism of our bodies. When it sees danger, it starts putting up red flags. Your body is constantly on a flight or fight mode. Why does it see danger where there isn't any is probably due to stress. Now you should read up on this, cause im no doctor and you can see how the describing is going What i realized this time round was that i was under stress for a long time, due to my previous relationship, me previous job, my unstable life in general. This takes a toll on our bodies and in time, on our minds. Also, do not underestimate the stress your LDR is making you go through. It's a huge thing for our bodies and minds being apart from the person we love, away from hugs, from intimacy. We need all those and not having them is stressful, especially when you DO have someone but he's on the other side of the world!

So first step is to take care of your body. Ask a doctor about supplements you can take, like vitamins, or anything that can help anxiety (magnesium, 5htp etc). You need serotonin in your body, there are stuff that helps you produce it. Make sure to get a good night sleep , even if it means not talking to your SO that much. Cut down on the coffee (better if you quit completely) , try chamomile or valerian tea instead. Ginger tea is a great alternative too. Just go for tea that does not contain caffeine and go for herbs, always better. I hate the industrial stuff. Exercise!! Go to a gym, start a sport, pick up jogging , or even a long stroll does wonders. Get yourself moving! Exercise raises the levels of serotonin too. Clean up your diet. Cut out all sugars, eat whole food, google what foods are good for anxiety and go for it! Last one about the body but not least: Cry when you feel like it. Being strong does not mean no crying. Cry it out, cry it loud!! It's so rejuvenating !!


For your "soul" :
Surround yourself with friends . Talk to them about it, how you feel, why you feel it, get it off your chest. Always keep in mind though that they have limits too, so when you can't talk to your friends, come in here and rant, we can take it!! Also, and this is a personal choice, i avoided to talk about this to my SO. I only told him i was going through an anxiety phase, i didn't want him to see how insecure i was being about him, cause then it may stick in his head and every time he sees me anxious he might be thinking im all "is he gonna cheat" again. I do not want that. As long as i know it's anxiety, i don't want this to affect him. My true self is not the crazy jealous type. Now that i mentioned that, another step is to accept. Are you the crazy jealous type? Accept it. I accepted that i can turn into that type while im anxious. I get all suspicious AND question my feelings like you too. I accepted that , hey, i'm human, i have flaws, one of them is the crazy jealous type, i HATE it, but it happens. I found peace.
Soul search! Yes, do it! Anxiety, as i see it, magnifies your insecurities. Look deep into why you are feeling like that and find the source. Mine and usually everyone's, were my parents (no s*** Sherlock !). Once you find the source, or even if you don't, do the following step:
Write ! Get it all out on paper! This REALLY helped me. I wrote a letter to my ex and a letter to my parents. Write everything down, don't hold back on anger or the truth. You are not going to send these letters, you can type them and delete them immediately. I still have them so i can check on them if i ever fall in this phase again, like a diary.

These are the stuff i did to get out of the position you are in now and it worked.After almost two months of hell, i can say it's been almost a week and i am back to my old self. Negative thoughts still do find me, but i brush them off easier. Also, and i wrote this again on some other post, get a book on mindfulness. It did wonders for me the first time i had anxiety. The one i read was "Mindfulness by Gill Hasson". I remember it having practical tips on how to achieve the "living in the moment" attitude to life.

I really hope this helps! Take care and keep us posted!!!

edit: I totally forgot the most important : Build your self confidence. Start loving yourself. Look at what an amazing human being you are, what you have achieved , what you are going to achieve. Get back to your hobbies, this is really important. If you do not have any, FIND some. Everyone has something they love doing, they just never pursued it. When you are feeling down, like rock bottom down and you can't control your thoughts, push yourself to do even a simple task FOR YOU, like, comb your hair. It sounds stupid, but it works. Make a homemade facial mask, take a long bath, take care of yourself. Put on make up and don't go out, try on your fancy outfits, you're getting the point im sure.

Hi,

I honestly feel like I am reading from my own life, and I did a recent post called "fighting my past"
and you can see how much I can relate to this.

Basically, my anxiety has somewhat gone down, but I am now dealing with the depression that comes with it. I now feel like I am ALMOST there to beating it, and with 4 months left till I get to be with him, I should be fine? It's just, all I am left with is beating the constant thought of breaking up wiith him (believe me I don't want to). It's now subtle and there but it's the hardest one to beat, and it's all just a ripple effect from my depression/anxiety. I also feel guilt every time I am about to beat it, and this tips me back.

Did you have this? Will this go? I am also scared of falling in love because of my past.

[Cup]

Hi redv!
I actually wanted to reply to your post, i could relate 100%. Didn't find the time to reply properly, will do though!

You have to understand that your main problem right now is your anxiety. That is what's blowing up all your thoughts to the point where you think you are doomed! Fighting thoughts as separate problems didn't help me at least. I worked on fighting my anxiety and got done with it. Now, without anxiety i still have trust issues for example (just made a post about it today), but without anxiety i do not feel doomed and i can actually deal with it without the fog. Now, i can actually see a light down the tunnel. I'll brew another coffee and try to reply to your initial thread. Till then, Yes it will pass, but you need to work on it. What i wrote to Elykyle is where you can start. Of course, actually going to a psychologist will be much better, well, faster, if you find one that will suit you.

Be right back on your thread!

[redv]

Hi,

Thank you for getting back to me. Thats the thing, my anxiety and depression linger and I want it gone completely. It's blowing everything put of proportion and it's infuriating. I feel like it's trying to stop my progress. I will wait until your reply. Thank you.