Wanting more

[Labs07]

Hi there everyone,
This is my first time posting here so please be patient with me. So my GF lives only about 2.75 hours from me which is not a lot but still enough to have me feeling like I am not really a part of her everyday life. I have been divorced for about 2 years now and have never had a LDR so this is something new to me and Im just trying to figure things out. We both have kids but hers are younger than mine and still are home part time with her. She is a very busy professional as am I but I have more time to do things than she does just because I do not have any children living at home. I have not met her children yet but she has met one of mine and it went really well.
We have not dated for a long time so its still new but I really want to just have some freedom to hang out more often but with our schedules and her kids not meeting me that makes it seem very difficult. We have been intimate several times now and we have spent an entire weekend together and it was beautiful......
We have expressed wanting to see each other more but everything just seems very difficult! After weekends like we had it is very difficult to just leave and then kind of be cut off....we do text a lot during the day and such but its not the same as being in each others space, I want time with her and not texts.
We will be spending almost a week together in late April but it will have been almost three weeks sense we have seen each other by that time and it is very hard but I know she is super busy with her profession as I am and her kids are really important. I will be meeting her kids during that trip so I guess that is a good thing right?

I don't really know what to do with this relationship as it would be much easier to date someone who I could see a few times a week but this woman just might be the one!

Any help and advice from those who have gone before would be greatly appreciated.... I really want this to be positive and workout for the two of us.

[sasad]

What is it you are asking?
I have a child, and my SO lives 900 miles away. We see each other when we can. We BOTH want it to work so we BOTH work at it. Sure, I could probably find someone closer, but why?? We love each other and are dedicated to each other. I have a 10 year old, and he has no children. He has met mine and has spent time with us on vacation, so yes, that part is very important, I also have busy professional life, but always make the time for us.

Its your choice what you want to do. You will only get out what you put in.

[spanglishjoe]

You can get creative and plan some long distance dates..I'm pretty sure there's a big thread somewhere with ideas. I just started using an ioS/web app called Rabbit that lets me video chat my SO while we watch movies, and it's been a game changer; I host on my laptop and she logs in on her iPhone app (no computer). We've also done Skype dates where we dress up and drink wine while we talk. I also attempted a game night once, purchasing a cool card game we could both play together, but my fiance isn't really into games.

I totally agree on the time together over texts. Consider date nights, or even video chat sessions at a frequency that you two find works for your schedules. LDRs are hard. But creative use of technology these days can at least get you face to face, even if its not in person.

[Labs07]

Thanks for the reply! You nailed it really....you get out of it what you put into it. Just have never done the whole LDR thing so it is all new but really exciting all the same.

[sasad]

It is that. Also I think we learn to communicate better and in a different way when you don't see each other everyday. You learn to be more considerate I think in some ways and you learn to plan your time together a little better. Again, that she's letting you meet her child is an amazing step forward. Obviously you were doing something right and she's pretty happy with it so good for you!
Offer Skype date time every once in a while and start building your relationship that way as well that's what we ended up doing . Now we Skype every day.
I am not sure what her visitation schedule is like. Mine is every other week . During my week my ass so will set up food for me here and have the same thing in Florida and we will actually cook dinner together and eat together. It took us a couple months to get to this point but I look forward to that once a month. I would deathly talk to her and see how much more forward she wants to go and when she can do things alone

[differentcountries]

Yes, long distance when you are used to close distance is very strange. After 2,5 years it has become 2nd nature for us. We are not creative with Skype dates, and when we are tired it is hard to Skype, but we send lots of pictures, sometimes we make phone calls and at times we take Skype outside. Occationally we share intimacy over Skype. I write letters and cards, even books. I keep some of his clothes and I wear them when I miss him.

[sasad]

It is that. Also I think we learn to communicate better and in a different way when you don't see each other everyday. You learn to be more considerate I think in some ways and you learn to plan your time together a little better. Again, that she's letting you meet her child is an amazing step forward. Obviously you were doing something right and she's pretty happy with it so good for you!
Offer Skype date time every once in a while and start building your relationship that way as well that's what we ended up doing . Now we Skype every day.
I am not sure what her visitation schedule is like. Mine is every other week . During my week my so will set up food for me here and have the same thing in Florida and we will actually cook dinner together and eat together. It took us a couple months to get to this point but I look forward to that once a month. I would deathly talk to her and see how much more forward she wants to go and when she can do things alone

oops major typo... ,y so is not an ass... lol I cant edit it seems..

[Unicorn26]

I've not seen my SO for almost 6 months. We still don't have a date set for when we will see each other again. I have two young children, two large dogs and two jobs and arranging visits is hard, not to mention very expensive. We are 4000 miles apart and have the Atlantic Ocean and a 6 hour time difference between us.

Would it be easier to find someone nearer to me? Absolutely. But it wouldn't be the same.

Even though it's unbelievably tough at times, neither of us will give up on us. I truly believe I've met my soul mate and so does he. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy and I believe that this testing period that we are going through now will make us a lot stronger in the long run. Yes it hard being apart, but it makes the time we do have together all the more precious.

I'm not saying your situation is easy, nor am I point scoring here, all I'm saying is embrace what you have and try and focus on the positives. It's not long before you get to spend a week together and meet her children. That's great, hopefully it goes well and opens up the possibilities of more frequent visits. Being in ldr is not easy, but it's very important to keep positive and focus on the good things. Compared to a lot of us on here you're in a very favourable position.