I Don't Know

[Grey]

My significant other left for Japan a little while ago, and I'm still finding it a little hard to cope. I've been trying to take it one day at a time, but while it's gotten a little better, I'm far from being and semblance of normal, and unfortunately he knows and is just as distressed.

He's said again and again, that he'll come home whenever I want him to, and I feel absolutely horrible that I'm affecting his trip like this. He's already cut it from 6 months to 3, but I'm having trouble even with the concept of 3, and I feel utterly pathetic.

If I call him home even earlier, does that make me a horrible person?

[R&R]

My significant other left for Japan a little while ago, and I'm still finding it a little hard to cope. I've been trying to take it one day at a time, but while it's gotten a little better, I'm far from being and semblance of normal, and unfortunately he knows and is just as distressed.

He's said again and again, that he'll come home whenever I want him to, and I feel absolutely horrible that I'm affecting his trip like this. He's already cut it from 6 months to 3, but I'm having trouble even with the concept of 3, and I feel utterly pathetic.

If I call him home even earlier, does that make me a horrible person?

It's important to be able to cope on your own. Remember that you were an individual prior to this relationship and you still are. It is difficult to be away from our loved ones, but it's important that we are able to maintain our own lives when we are apart. You should never be so reliant on your partner (or on anyone, really) that you aren't able to function when they aren't around.

Take this time to focus on yourself and maybe plan something special for your SO's return. Get yourself out there and spend time with friends, see a movie you've been wanting to see, finally read that book, etc. There are plenty of things out there to fill your time.

[differentcountries]

I am not sure why your loved one is on a "trip" to Japan (from the US?) and how he could cut it down. Is it work, school, sports camp, vacation? That would affect the degree to which it would be ok for you to change his stay there.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

How long has he been gone? There is a period of adjustment that comes with LD. I find that it takes me about a month to feel "normal" again without him around, but once I hit that mark the rest of the time goes by relatively easy. Try to distract yourself for the time being and try your hardest not to let yourself sit alone feeling pity. That only makes things worse. Keep yourself busy!

And now to be the bad guy: yes, it would be a bad thing for you to call your boyfriend home. Obviously this is something that he has been wanting to do and he deserves a life apart from you as well. He deserves to go and enjoy life both with and without you just as you deserve to enjoy life even though he's gone.

[Miasmata]

You are both seperate, individual people, and so as much as you get to do your thing, he gets to do this thing. Allow yourself time to adjust and to cope, and like R&R said, remember that you are whole on your own already. Keep busy, maybe get to a hobby or activity you always wanted to do, and stay in contact with your partner (I found it helpful to add different clock settings to my phone and PC, so I could easily see both my timezone's time and his). Be kind to yourself and each other. All the best!

[Grey]

Thank you all for your feedback. I really do appreciate it. I know it wasn't exactly the clearest post as far as context goes, because I was having a bit of a meltdown as I was writing it.

I know part of the reason I am struggling with this is because I personally suffer from all sorts of social anxieties, and don't have any real close friends other than my significant other. I know it's corny, but he's not just my significant other, he's my best friend and it's hard not having him near by. He's on some sort of vacation type deal, halfway across the world while I'm stuck at home, and it's not fun. Well for me at least, because it's hard not to feel isolated.

[Miasmata]

I certainly know how that feels, I struggle with social anxieties myself. Have you considered finding ways to carefully reach out and socialize? I found ways that work for me (I go to the occasional meetup with people from online communities; it helps that I "met" them beforehand online and had the ability to talk to them), are there ways that might work for you? Also, online friendships are valuable even without meeting in person. There you also have more control of how much time you spend with people and how far the interactions go. If you can, give it a shot! You're already reaching out here, so don't undersell yourself - You got the potential to make things happen.

[sasad]

I agree with MMDL and being the bad guy... Don't make him cut it shorter...he did once already. Don't make it so he has regrets or animosity down the line because he missed his opportunity.
And as others have said, you need to have your life and individuality as well. Find hobbies and stuff t o do. Keep a journal. You can't have a happy healthy relationship unless you are happy and healthy.

[Grey]

I get what you're saying, and I've been trying to keep a journal. Unfortunately, I have the attention span of a graham cracker so I'm not great at keeping up with it.

As far as online friends go, I have one. He checks up on me from time to time, but he's busy with school and such most of the time. My area is very rural so there isn't a lot of meetings of any kind. Well none that I would want to attend anyway.

I feel that I should also say that it wasn't my idea for him to come home sooner. I've tried my best to stay impartial, and encourage him to make a decision that's best for him. I've also tried my best to keep myself from cracking while I'm taking to him. I figured he doesn't need my faulty emotional state muddying up his trip.