My ldr gf's dad just died

[Tzeira]

I don't know what to do, my gfs dad just died, i live in canada and she's in mexico, because of money issues I can't go to be with her, I've been sending her texts and tried to call her, but obviously she's not in the mood of talking and i dont know how to act and what to say... and i really want to be her support. I feel like im a failure because of being so useless...i love her and would do just anything for her...but Im not sure how to help. Any suggestions?

[LukaChiku]

I have been through a similiar situation where my mom died due to cancer and my SO tried to help me through it. What he did was to tell how much my mom loved me etc and how she would love for me to move on and live my life, my SO and I started to play games more and more since that was the thing which made me stop thinking about it. Sometimes it takes a bit for a person to move on.. At first we might not talk a lot, but it will slowly improve.

You are NOT a failure. Just being able to have the person whom we love texting us and trying to cheer us up already means a lot. Sometimes more than we notice. Give her a bit of time, let her know you are there for her and whenever she wants to talk about her dads death she can.

I hope it helps a little. I'm very sorry to hear about it.


Edit: perhaps, try and think of something she likes and then do that thing together with her. Make her a small surprise, whether it's a small document with you telling your feelings about her and how you hope she will open up to you about it(when she's ready of course) and talk with you more and then just how much you love and adore her.

[Tzeira]

Thanks for the advice, I really just dont want to be overwhelming for her, i know its really hard for her, and I'll definitely be around everytime she needs me. I just wish I could be there to hug her and be her shoulder to cry on.

[Miasmata]

It might not feel like it, but just being there and signaling as much means a lot. Have an open ear, but don't push the matter. Be understanding and patient. She'll know you're there for her in her grief, and she'll appreciate it, trust me. All the best to you both!

[Cup]

When my dad died all i wanted was to have someone to talk to when i felt like it. Let her know that and you are fine. It helped when people made me remember him. When they just asked questions and i had to remember stories and tell them what a great person he was. That could just be me though, so proceed with cautious. Know that she needs to cry, she needs to grieve, read up on the grieving stages , that will help you understand what she is going through. Know that anything you will say will not make her feel better, this is not something that has to go away. She has to grieve. The pain will never go away, the times that she is feeling it will just be less often.

This is everything that helped me, but the one thing i know works for everyone is : just listen to her.

[OrKing]

I think simply by caring enough to want to seek out the options of support you're covered in your role. When my sister died I basically just needed time. I didn't need to talk about it or anything like that really, but just knowing that there's someone I'm comfortable enough to talk about it with helped quite a bit I think. It's difficult to remember how I and she (My SO) handled it exactly, but she must have been pretty great thinking on how it/I went. She was clearly there for me, but I still felt I had the space I needed to process. Maybe for most people that's all that's needed, just the comfortable option of support during the time they need to heal/grieve. I hope the process is as okay as it can be for your girlfriend.

[Chris516]

OP, Be there for her emotionally. Since you can't fly down there.

[spanglishjoe]

Sorry to hear this. There are some flower delivery sites if you can swing it (I used delejos.com for Honduras for Valentines Day and for when my SO's stepfather died - they included a card).

I think everybody's on agreement here. Just be there for her emotionally, be patient, and show her love.