Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Feeling nervous about a long first time visit

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Feeling nervous about a long first time visit

    Hello everyone. I've been on this forum for a while and i really enjoy it. So i decided to write about my worries and hoping some of you with a little bit more experience could help me out. I've been in a ldr for a bit over 9 months now. Me and my SO are both 17. My parents are quite supportive and understanding and really like my boyfriend. We don't speak the same native language tho. My parents can't communicate with him unless i translate. Me and him are planning for him to visit over the summer (3 months) after having two earlier visits cancelled bcs of not having enough funds or because of work.But this time we are pretty sure he will be able to make it.I havent discussed it with my parents yet because there are still some details about the whole thing that we need to have figured out before i tell my parents (i want to have as much figured out as possible because that way i have a bigger chance of my parents agreeing on our plan).Im pretty sure they wouldnt mind either way but i prefer doing it this way because in their eyes i would be more responsible and organized which is important to them.The main worry i have is that he will be spending 3 months with me in my house with my family seeing our everyday lives and everything and becoming a part of my family (my parents already consider him a part of our family).Its kinda scary to me because i never had someone stay in my house for so long.Im definetly so excited about it and i really want it because it would be so much fun spending the whole summer with him , going to the beach , cycling , exploring etc.I generally spend the summer break alone because most of my friend arent here for the summer.So i would be beyond happy to have him with me here.We love each other so much and we have gone through a lot together despite the duration of our relationship or our age.We couldve quit long time ago but we havent because we just feel inside that we are so special to each other and so compatible. So my question is what are your experiences with longer visits (2-3 months and longer) and do you have any advice for us in general?Thank you so much for reading this

    #2
    Have you two met in person before ? The first meeting is always a bit scary and exciting!
    2 to 3 months is a long time for a first visit... especially if you have not ever met in person. There is always a slight chance that you will not hit it off. It does happen, just not common. Do you drive? Make plans to visit places that he or you have not seen before. Plan dates and movies etc.. Also give your self some down time to just be together.
    Can your parents go with you on a little mini vacation away from home too? Like to a beach or to the mountains? I am not sure where you live, but there should be some cool stuff to do.
    Again, that is a long time. Don't just sit around doing nothing, you have time for that when you get old
    Make it fun and memorable and enjoy!

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by sasad View Post
      Have you two met in person before ? The first meeting is always a bit scary and exciting!
      2 to 3 months is a long time for a first visit... especially if you have not ever met in person. There is always a slight chance that you will not hit it off. It does happen, just not common. Do you drive? Make plans to visit places that he or you have not seen before. Plan dates and movies etc.. Also give your self some down time to just be together.
      Can your parents go with you on a little mini vacation away from home too? Like to a beach or to the mountains? I am not sure where you live, but there should be some cool stuff to do.
      Again, that is a long time. Don't just sit around doing nothing, you have time for that when you get old
      Make it fun and memorable and enjoy!
      Hey thank you for your reply we have never met before which makes me nervous obviously cus he will be staying for a long time.I live in Bulgaria and yeah we will be visiting a lot of places , going to the beach and all fun places we will do a lot together its just that im nervous about him staying at my place.

      Comment


        #4
        Why are you nervous about him staying at your place? Family issues or something like that? It's not bad that he will be a part of your every day life and routine. It will be an amazing experience

        Comment


          #5
          Because they have never met in person yet. It's hard making plans etc for a long time when you don't know the person physically is why.

          Comment


            #6
            No actually i have a great loving and supportive family , im so lucky for that. And my parents really like him.Like sasad said ive never met him before so im just a bit nervous but we have a very deep emotional connection im not worried about him "not liking me physically" or anything .

            Comment


              #7
              I think that since it will be your first meeting and he will be there so long, you need to come up with "backup plans" in case things don't work out. For instance -- if for some reason it really does not work between you two, does he have somewhere else to go/can he go back home early? How will you negotiate "alone time" if you are constantly in each other's space for three months?
              So, here you are
              too foreign for home
              too foreign for here.
              Never enough for both.

              Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Diaspora Blues

              Comment


                #8
                Well we cant really make a back up plan like he wouldnt have anywhere to go and he couldnt go home earlier.I was very worried about it not working out before but now im not like we share so much of our lives and we have spent whole days with each other on video call and stuff.We are basically like best friends but we also have deep romantic feelings for each other.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Honestly, I think 3 months is a long first visit. If my daughters had asked for an SO to come visit for that long, especially one they had never met yet, I would not have agreed. That is a lot to ask of your family. That is 3 months of being responsible for someone underage who is not their family (you should probably fix your age from 26 to 17 to reflect your real age on your profile), financially and medically. That is a huge added responsibility for that length of time. I would suggest you bring your parents into the conversation sooner than later and probably plan for a shorter first time visit.
                  To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

                  ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I agree with both Ejoriah and R&R. First, have a back-up plan. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Always have a safety net, because it never hurts. That was how I approached my first meeting with my SO. Also, tell your family about it ASAP. They deserve to know what's going on, and they can support you and soothe your nerves about the visit.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Thank you all for your advice i really appreciate it.We've cut it down to two months is that okay?i know its a long time and its risky but we dont have another choice cause we are both young and we dont have much finances to visit each other frequently so we want to make the most out of his visit in the summer.Ill talk to my parents about it soon and see what they say and how we can have a "back up plan". They have proposed this before tho , him staying here for a long time.Will see how it goes , i should know in a few days i will post here when i know

                      Comment


                        #12
                        9mos is a long time to be together long distance! I am confident in you guys! My SO and I met after three months it was a short visit and both of us are very awkward people so we were freaking out, both of us were worried we would be too shy!!
                        I went to the airport and waited there three hours early to try and calm myself down before he got there haha I think it honestly made things worse! If I was you I'd talk to your parents soon, tell them your worries and have them help you problem solve I know when I told my parents he was coming they were thrilled to be a part of the situation! Also, don't be nervous, it's hard but if it helps you at all as soon as I saw him I called out to him and went straight into a long hug! He was shorter than I pictured we were the same hight and feeling him physically there was shocking it felt surreal! He kissed me and it just all made since (his kiss was the second kiss I have ever gotten in my life of being 25) when we got to my car it all felt natural, I felt like I had known him my entire life. It was magical and it is possible. But don't be discouraged if that doesn't happen for you right away everyone else's stories are different! But that was mine it might just be natural and magical! So don't stress too much! It'll be nice to finally be with him!
                        And he is going to love you, sounds like he already does he's coming from far away and risking not having anywhere to go, he loves who you are and your appearance doesn't have much to do with that! He finds you beautiful already!

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Jordii View Post
                          9mos is a long time to be together long distance! I am confident in you guys! My SO and I met after three months it was a short visit and both of us are very awkward people so we were freaking out, both of us were worried we would be too shy!!
                          I went to the airport and waited there three hours early to try and calm myself down before he got there haha I think it honestly made things worse! If I was you I'd talk to your parents soon, tell them your worries and have them help you problem solve I know when I told my parents he was coming they were thrilled to be a part of the situation! Also, don't be nervous, it's hard but if it helps you at all as soon as I saw him I called out to him and went straight into a long hug! He was shorter than I pictured we were the same hight and feeling him physically there was shocking it felt surreal! He kissed me and it just all made since (his kiss was the second kiss I have ever gotten in my life of being 25) when we got to my car it all felt natural, I felt like I had known him my entire life. It was magical and it is possible. But don't be discouraged if that doesn't happen for you right away everyone else's stories are different! But that was mine it might just be natural and magical! So don't stress too much! It'll be nice to finally be with him!
                          And he is going to love you, sounds like he already does he's coming from far away and risking not having anywhere to go, he loves who you are and your appearance doesn't have much to do with that! He finds you beautiful already!
                          Awww thank you so much for sharing your experience , i love hearing first time meeting stories!You are lucky for meeting so early haha.I wish you all the best in your relationship!Yeah its the longest time ive personally been in a relationship since im only 17 ive had only 2 boyfriends before him.My parents are so excited to see him since they talked to him on video call and ask me about him all the time.I was quite surprised because they are over protective and my dad didnt like my exes and was sceptical about my current relationship but now he is very supportive We are the same height too!i think its adorable im only like 5'1 yeah im sure he does love me and i love him just as much so i believe it will be okay.I cant wait to meet him and hug him and do everything we couldnt do until now.We would be meeting a bit before our first anniversary which is awesome ^-^

                          Comment

                          Working...
                          X