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Emotional support in an LDR?

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    #1

    Emotional support in an LDR?

    Hello all,

    It's been a while since I first posted on here. My previous question was around my SO's lack of communication. I suppose this is sort of part of it. An issue sort of blew up over the weekend. He had been in a bad mood over something for a few days, and over the weekend I had a stressful time - my niece and my mum fell ill and needed to go to hospital. I was the only one taking care of three children (not mine) and my mum, I was trying to resolve everything and obviously I was worried. I checked in with my SO when I had a second to see if he was okay, and I was hoping for some emotional support from him. He was barely saying anything and being off and I told him what was going on and that I didn't want to fight. He became a lot better once I told him and said he'd be there for me for support. A few hours later with the crises resolved, I checked back in with him. He was quiet again, barely responded to my messages and I felt like I was in his way so I said I'll let you rest. He replied to say yes I think I'll nap for a bit. I got frustrated because he didn't even ask if I was okay or my family. He just stayed quiet. I let him go but later when I tried to talk to him he said no one can receive support on the phone, it's difficult. My frustrations got the better of me and although I didn't yell or swear, I told him it was unfair and that despite things being long distance surely some sort of emotional support should be coming from each of us in the form of words. He didn't respond.

    What do you guys think? Is emotional support just not available through an LDR? Do we just get on with things? I'm not looking for a big cry over the phone or anything, just a comfortable environment to be able to say 'I feel really awful right now' and for him to respond with something, anything. I know it's difficult because in person, a hug is usually the trick but to me it comes across like he's bored and not interested. Maybe I'm placing too much emphasis on it and it's something that is always going to lack in an LDR?
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    #2
    Just tell him what you need. He may feel like there's nothing he can do, and think that you want big gestures. We mimick touch. I will say I wish you could huge me and he will say that he wish he could. And we will say "poor you". So simple
    Last edited by differentcountries; April 19, 2016, 08:05 AM.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      Hi differentcountries! I hope your LDR is going well. I totally agree with you. The trouble is I've said it a few times, and he'll either say 'awwww' or 'I know baby'. The second one is in itself comforting, the first one not so much! But a lot of the time he just stays silent. I'm not really one to look for a lot of support, I've always been a bit stubborn in that manner so I guess he probably finds it hard. But when I've told him things he can say, it sometimes feels like he's repeating it as a script and he even said once 'but that's what I was supposed to say, right?' I think it just feels like he doesn't care which I know isn't the case but when you're having a down moment it can hit you hard. I think it more hurt that he said 'emotional support on the phone doesn't work, only when we're together', sort of like he's already checked out for a bit until we see each other. I'll keep persevering! Thanks for replying

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        #4
        He may not be hardwired for that type of response... or he just may not really know how to deal with it.. We all deal with things differently and maybe when you are together you can explain what it is YOU need vs what it is you expect him to do for you..

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          #5
          Sasad you're right! I first tried telling him what I needed but it seemed so confusing to him that I went more with what he could or should do and I think that's what's led to him trying to be on his best behaviour by repeating it when he finally realises I need something. I should go back to that 'I just want a little comfort from you' but with a bit more detail. I think comfort is a bit alien to him, he never really had it plus he's more of a logical thinker - he'd rather stay quiet until the problem is fixed then he might mention it to me days or weeks later. He gets comfort from me in ways I don't even realise so I suppose you could say we need to learn what works for each other, not just what works for me. Thanks so much

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