I think we just broke up... Help!

[Kadima00]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. Last September he moved abroad for a temporary work assignment. In the past seven months, he's been back twice to visit friends and me and to work at headquarters.

We have been doing extremely well despite the distance. The thing is when we're together during his visits, he doesn't make me a priority. He'll fail to update me on plans to hang out. He'll hang out with his buddies over me.

I completely understand that he has to run errands, hang with friends, and even work while he's here. I want to be supportive and I understand he's got a lot to do... But what I don't get is why he can't squeeze me in for just a few minutes.

He has been here for two weeks now for anther business trip. He's going back on Friday. In this time, I've barely seen him. I've not gotten to have proper dates with him. We fought a couple of days ago about him promising to meet up with me one night, but instead hung out with buddies and didn't tell me. We sort of patched things up last week when he apologized.

Lately I've been under a lot of stress with work and tackling big life changes ahead. I would not be in the best moods, sometimes sad. We argued about this over the weekend. He told me he wants me happy and he won't give up on me or us. Despite saying this, he has been distant. I haven't seen him since Saturday, but he's been calling once a day making promises he doesn't keep (saying we will meet up but we don't) and sending a few texts a day. I've been at my wits end trying to spend some time with him... even just to see him briefly. Heck, I would be happy if he just communicated (texted) regularly the way he used to. I send texts to which he replies with solitary affection-less notes. Today I got so frustrated and said 'So we won't be meeting again today? Well I hope you have a good trip back. You must be relieved you don't have to see me again.' This actually got a response of him asking where I was, and he told me he had been at the gym.

Then thinking I could maybe give it a final shot, I asked him if we could meet tonight. He said he was busy, he couldn't talk then but will call later. I asked when, but he ignored that.

I got so frustrated I asked him 'What's going on? What are you doing? Why are you too busy for me?'

No response.

I then simply said 'forget me.'

I'm tired. For me, time is precious. We had these two weeks here together, and he can't even spend time with me or have decent conversations.

I don't know if I care anymore. I have given so much of myself these past two years, and I thought we were going somewhere. I am just so hurt he couldn't prioritize me while we're together in person.

[Redheart14]

You need to be the priority. He came all this way and didn't see you? I think you have your answer.

[yassie]

Yeah redheart was right, you really should be the priority, Big hug, i Think you did a good thing, even though its not easy.

[Mims27]

Wow... You have every right to be upset. You are clearly not a priority to him and I don't want to say it but you don't seem important to him. You should be the first person he wants to see when he gets there. Also, why doesn't he have you hang out with his buddies too? Then he can spend time with both of you...It makes so sense. It's time to start thinking about YOU. Make yourself a priority. Do not stay around waiting for him; He doesn't make time for you.
Good luck.

[LivingInWonderland]

I agree with what others have posted. If he doesn't make you a priority, and can't even make time to see you when he is home, I don't think he is really worth your time. I'm sorry that this has happened. *hugs* I hope everything works out in some way or another.

[Elizabeth123]

I agree and sad to hear that your SO didn't make you a priority. You deserve love, respect and so much more. Take care of yourself and do what's right for you.

[R&R]

I have to agree with the others. His words mean nothing because his actions show you everything. He would make time to see you a few times at a minimum if that was important to him. I think breaking it off is the right decision.

[whatruckus]

Agreed with everyone. Unfortunately, like you, my former SO never prioritized me (among other things). I've really become a person that believes "Actions speak louder than words". I'm sorry this happened to you.

[applescruff]

I'm so sorry, I'd be terribly hurt as well. I agree with all the other responses though, and I think you should not contact him anymore. Keep your self respect, and let him make it up to you. If he doesn't, then move on and find someone that makes you a priority. There is no excuse for him to barely see you in those 2 weeks, yet he can go to the gym and spend time with his friends.

[sasad]

How incredibly rude.
You are much better then all that... I agree with all others. Move on. Let it go. You deserve so much more.
Don't let him suck you in again after he leaves... xo

[ChloChlo]

I'm so sorry, I know you must be hurting. But like others have said, you do deserve someone who makes you feel valued and important. You WILL find that person. Be gentle with yourself now <3

[Kadima00]

I'm tired of being frustrated with him. After almost two years together, I'm tired of waiting for him to show some real commitment. I'm not asking for a ring, I'm just asking him to show me that I matter.

I'm angry and sad at the same time--sad because I wonder how I can reach him, how we can both be back on the same page and working for the same goals and harmony. I'm trying to be strong about this, but there's always a little sting. I've always trusted him with everything especially when it came to our exclusivity. But maybe it's just paranoia now that makes me fear there's another woman.

Maybe this is too much for him now... like he feels suffocated somehow. Maybe deep down, he's afraid of commitment. Maybe he's stepping back a bit because he feels he can't make me happy now. Maybe he just doesn't know what to do. Maybe we both need time apart. I just don't know.

It's a sticky situation because we're already in an LDR, but on top of that, I could potentially move for a job (not quite sure yet). I may not see him again if this is it. But you all are right, I have to focus on me... can't give up on myself. Heck, I need to in order to survive.

I'm stepping back now and letting things be.

[Redheart14]

Good on you for putting yourself first!

[differentcountries]

The way I see it, is this; work should play a huge part in everyone's lives. I assume he spend a great deal of his time on visits working, and that should be respecteded. Friends are also important, and perhaps to see them alone at times, but I don't see why he has to visit them all the time while excluding you. I don't understand this; on every visit, SO and I have mostly seen friends together because, we need to get to know those friends, to get to know our SOs and to merge our social cicles. I have even spent time alone with SOs friends, and run errands for them, just to be supportive. He in turn would never not see me because he had to hang out with his buddies. His friends like me and don't mind that I come along. The fact that your SO is clearly not merging social lives with you is a big red flag. Also, he doesn't inform and notify you, that is another red flag. On and off visits, I usually know exactly where SO is and what he is doing or about to do. Or course there are busy days and miscommunication, but this is the golden rule. To have him there on vists and feel like you haven't got a clue what he is doing, is inexusable in my book. It shows that after two years, he doesn't see your lives as merging, it is his life and he is inviting you in when it suits him. I am amazed you lasted this long.

[hmrambling]

When people show you who they are, believe them. He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

As far as having someone who "makes you happy", first we need to find that happiness in ourselves. Once you find that happiness within yourself, then you can share it with someone who has their own happiness. I can't live life waiting for someone who 'makes me happy'.