Parents unsupportive of ldr visit.

[TMootrey]

Hi everyone!

This is my first time posting here and it's quite relieving to know that I'm not the only one experiencing the issues associated with having a long distance relationship. I wish you all the absolute best!

Now the reason I'm reaching out for help. I've been with my current ldr boyfriend for close to three years now. Myself being 24 and him 22. Both our families are very accepting of each other; I couldn't ask for a more amazing family than my SO's. And as such, we FaceTime every holiday and thus my parents have met him face to face and are very well aware of who he is. We have never met in person mostly due to conflicting schedules, but have now set a date for this incoming July. I've saved more than enough for this trip but my SO's parents suggested that they pay for the trip themselves! Now, my parents (as you can probably guess, I still live at home due to financial reasons, yet I also help my parents financially as well, as my mother cannot work due to medical reasons) have known about this current trip since December and are still very unsupportive. They obviously, due to my age, cannot stop me from going but I am incredibly conflicted. Do I go and risk creating a rift between my parents or put off the trip until next year or whoever knows when. I feel as though another year will not change my parents minds. Just to clarify, I am not asking for my parents permission, I just do not want to ruin our current relationship. Also, they have stated that they will not kick me out if I do decide to go so that's not really a concern. Anyway, I just wanted to reach out and ask for some advice from you guys, as I'm sure I'm not the only one who has struggled with this.

I thank everyone who has took the time to read this and I appreciate all comments, thank you!

[sasad]

Ok, you Are 24. You do live with your parents, so their house, their rules should still apply. That being said, they are NOT kicking you out or threating you at all if you go.... so GO!
They have met and talked over facetime, so it is not like it is a complete stranger, as you both have been together almost 3 years.

Part of the issue could be watching their baby girl move up and out. Is this the first trip you have taken alone? It could also be they want your SO to come to you so they will be there with you and wont worry as much...

I would keep open and clear communication with your parents. Plan times for you to call/facetime when you are with your SO. Try to include them in this new part of your life. Enjoy your trip, enjoy your SO. You have a wonderful and exciting time ahead

[TMootrey]

Thanks so much for your reply! This is technically my first trip out of the country by myself so certainly understand where my parents are coming from. That said, I'm not entirely sure my parents would ever be okay with this whether I moved out or not. Anyway, I'll have another chat with them about it. This has been eating away at me lately and I greatly appreciate your reply!

[TaraMarie]

Thanks so much for your reply! This is technically my first trip out of the country by myself so certainly understand where my parents are coming from. That said, I'm not entirely sure my parents would ever be okay with this whether I moved out or not. Anyway, I'll have another chat with them about it. This has been eating away at me lately and I greatly appreciate your reply!

Don't chat....just GO. I am saying this as a mom with a daughter your age. Go and live life. Don't put it off. You may never get another chance!

[Mims27]

Is it bad that I find the whole "you still live with your parents so their rules still apply" a crock of shit? lol You are 24 aka an adult. You are helping them financially so I assume you are paying for your trip yourself? Go live your life. Your parents will be fine. They may just be little worried but they should understand. If you don't do it, you will regret it. My now wife, was 20 and still living with her parents when she flew to Canada the first time. She's now 25 and lives with me.

[Stanislava]

Ughhh i accidently deleted my first reply im so annoyed now Go do it girl!!You cant let your parents stop you now when you finally get the chance to meet your SO!i understand your concerns completely tho. I am very close to my parents and i know the fear of breaking their trust and stuff too well.But in the end all they want is for you to be happy and they obviously know youll be more than happy to visit your partner.My parents are quite overprotective since im young (17) and i come from a small and rather conservative country (Bulgaria).They wont let me go to my boyfriends country to visit him (England) until im 18.He is my age and has his parents permission to come , he doesnt live with them anymore either.We've been together for 10 months now and my parents are surprisingly supportive.I wanna ask you tho , how have you waited so long?do u have any tips to make time go by faster or how to stay more positive?There are 3 months until i get to see him (for the first time) and it feels like a lifetime away.I wish you all the best!!

[JaneEmily]

Is it bad that I find the whole "you still live with your parents so their rules still apply" a crock of shit? lol You are 24 aka an adult. You are helping them financially so I assume you are paying for your trip yourself? Go live your life. Your parents will be fine. They may just be little worried but they should understand. If you don't do it, you will regret it. My now wife, was 20 and still living with her parents when she flew to Canada the first time. She's now 25 and lives with me.

I have to agree with you. Just because you live with your parents still at this age doesn't mean they get to rule what you do: if you're working and supporting yourself/them financially then you can do whatever the hell you want within legal means.

[sasad]

I guess I understand how the OP feels... I did live with my parents while I went to school and helped financially.. I didn't rent from them, just paid when I could. Out of respect for my parents and their house, I followed simple rules they had. They didn't control me etc,. but I never had wild parties nor did I stay out without letting them know...
Its about getting along at that point in life..not saying F- you all.. I am an adult and will do what I want...

[Mims27]

There's a difference between following some rules of the "household" and not letting your 24 year old child make their own decisions. She is more than old enough to decide if she wants to go on a trip or not IMO. Especially if she can afford to pay for it herself. Different story if she's asking her parents for money. If she wants to throw a party in her parents house or whatever, then yes, that's a broken rule. Or just lack of common sense. lol

[sasad]

I totally agree adult is adult. Just doesn't need the stress of being kicked out, and that is where her parents are at.. I think its more of the my baby is growing up and out. She has never traveled alone before etc. My daughter went to France last year at 16 and I was nervous etc., but hell, kids need to go and grow.

[Chris516]

Hi everyone!

This is my first time posting here and it's quite relieving to know that I'm not the only one experiencing the issues associated with having a long distance relationship. I wish you all the absolute best!

Now the reason I'm reaching out for help. I've been with my current ldr boyfriend for close to three years now. Myself being 24 and him 22. Both our families are very accepting of each other; I couldn't ask for a more amazing family than my SO's. And as such, we FaceTime every holiday and thus my parents have met him face to face and are very well aware of who he is. We have never met in person mostly due to conflicting schedules, but have now set a date for this incoming July. I've saved more than enough for this trip but my SO's parents suggested that they pay for the trip themselves! Now, my parents (as you can probably guess, I still live at home due to financial reasons, yet I also help my parents financially as well, as my mother cannot work due to medical reasons) have known about this current trip since December and are still very unsupportive. They obviously, due to my age, cannot stop me from going but I am incredibly conflicted. Do I go and risk creating a rift between my parents or put off the trip until next year or whoever knows when. I feel as though another year will not change my parents minds. Just to clarify, I am not asking for my parents permission, I just do not want to ruin our current relationship. Also, they have stated that they will not kick me out if I do decide to go so that's not really a concern. Anyway, I just wanted to reach out and ask for some advice from you guys, as I'm sure I'm not the only one who has struggled with this.

I thank everyone who has took the time to read this and I appreciate all comments, thank you!

Your parents' are being both fair, and unfair

While you need to respect their house rules. Apart from you financial situation and their worries, they need to respect that you are a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. Everyone has financial trouble at one point in their life. But it doesn't define everything else in their life.

Yes, There is the concern of not only meeting someone thousands' of miles away. But also, going across one or more country borders.

It is great that you have his parents' behind your relationship. But it is still the same 'song and dance' of worry by your parents'. Have you actually talked with his parents'? Not just on the phone. But how much do you know about him, his background, and if he has 'any skeletons in the closet'?(we all have skeletons in our closet; I am skidding into what I will call WWS-Worry Wart Syndrome)

Your parents' cannot stop you, but that doesn't lessen the worry.

My parents' trust me flying alone. Because I have done it since I was kid. I flew between London(UK), and Washington, DC; several times in the late-1970's(I was born in 1967). The other thing is sex. Parents' are going to worry more about a daughter, than a son. You are not flying from say, St. Johns in New Brunswick all the way to Vancouver in British Columbia. Which would be totally within Canada.

You will be crossing the U.S.-Canadian border.

I have analogy for you regarding medical health.

I have had physical health issues all my life. They affect my coordination and reaction time. When I first moved back from Minnesota(buying a road racing bike while I was there) in 2007. My parents' didn't want me to ride out of the town(pop. 500) I we live in. I told them, that I had to go outside of town to do some things that I couldn't take public transportation to(I don't drive). They saw me riding my racing bike on the road several times, and how, despite my coordination issues I was very skilled at riding my bike in high speed traffic. So, They stopped bugging me about it.

What I am getting at, with my riding my bike. Is that, over time, there worry became less n' less. Until it doesn't exist at all.

With your parents'. They may still think of you as 'their little girl', despite being an adult woman. They don't have anything to go on, with which their worry could steadily lessen over time, yet. If you n' the guy in Cincinnati become long-term in CDR sense. Maybe over time of the two of flying back n' forth between St. Johns, and Cincinnati. Give it time.

[sasad]

Your parents' are being both fair, and unfair

While you need to respect their house rules. Apart from you financial situation and their worries, they need to respect that you are a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. Everyone has financial trouble at one point in their life. But it doesn't define everything else in their life.

Yes, There is the concern of not only meeting someone thousands' of miles away. But also, going across one or more country borders.

It is great that you have his parents' behind your relationship. But it is still the same 'song and dance' of worry by your parents'. Have you actually talked with his parents'? Not just on the phone. But how much do you know about him, his background, and if he has 'any skeletons in the closet'?(we all have skeletons in our closet; I am skidding into what I will call WWS-Worry Wart Syndrome)

Your parents' cannot stop you, but that doesn't lessen the worry.

My parents' trust me flying alone. Because I have done it since I was kid. I flew between London(UK), and Washington, DC; several times in the late-1970's(I was born in 1967). The other thing is sex. Parents' are going to worry more about a daughter, than a son. You are not flying from say, St. Johns in New Brunswick all the way to Vancouver in British Columbia. Which would be totally within Canada.

You will be crossing the U.S.-Canadian border.

I have analogy for you regarding medical health.

I have had physical health issues all my life. They affect my coordination and reaction time. When I first moved back from Minnesota(buying a road racing bike while I was there) in 2007. My parents' didn't want me to ride out of the town(pop. 500) I we live in. I told them, that I had to go outside of town to do some things that I couldn't take public transportation to(I don't drive). They saw me riding my racing bike on the road several times, and how, despite my coordination issues I was very skilled at riding my bike in high speed traffic. So, They stopped bugging me about it.

What I am getting at, with my riding my bike. Is that, over time, there worry became less n' less. Until it doesn't exist at all.

With your parents'. They may still think of you as 'their little girl', despite being an adult woman. They don't have anything to go on, with which their worry could steadily lessen over time, yet. If you n' the guy in Cincinnati become long-term in CDR sense. Maybe over time of the two of flying back n' forth between St. Johns, and Cincinnati. Give it time.

Just a comment....As I am a parent, I worry about my sons and sex as much as my daughter.. Not just for pregnancy but diseases etc as well....

[HisLittleBear]

Definitely go! You're 24 years old and they're not throwing you out.