Advice on arguments

[Elykyle]

I have some good news I'm seeing my SO in 6 days this is our first meet up and I'm so ready but I have a question about arguments me and my SO have been arguing more frequently lately I don't like it at all it makes me think everything's going bad or have doubts or think things are coming to an end. The thing I don't like the most is the little awkward/silent phase after the arguments it makes my mind go in circles even more than usual can someone give me some insight or advice about these arguments they're so hard

[LivingInWonderland]

My boyfriend and I go through this before every visit. It's typically the nerves that cause it. It doesn't usually affect our visits in any way. Don't worry!! And don't let the arguments pull you apart. I'm sure your first visit will be great. Best of luck!

[Elykyle]

Thanks for your reply! I know it won't affect our visit I just hate all the over thinking and doubt that comes with the arguments it's so tough. you know ?

[Mims27]

Yep. We used to argue or be tense before visits too. Seems to be a pretty common thing around here. Don't overthink it or worry. It'll be worth it once you are together.

[Elykyle]

Thanks mims I need to work on not feeling down for so long after an argument i tend to catastrophize things

[LivingInWonderland]

I tend to do the same thing. I over think every tiny little argument my boyfriend and I have, and it always leaves me feeling like our relationship is doomed. But in reality, everything is fine! It's hard, but try the best you can not to let the fights get to you too much.

[differentcountries]

We are hardly in contact 3 days before the visit. We both get weird, he withdraws, I tend to get a bit hyper, and so we limit the communication to practical matters and we usually don't Skype. As for the first meet-up (after we initially met on my holiday): boy did we have a nasty argument, but we learned from it and it gets easier. Good luck and enjoy the visit

[hmrambling]

Silence after an argument might mean that there was no real resolution. A productive argument doesn't have a winner or loser, but has the opportunity for the relationship to grow. Check this out and scroll down to

So, it is very important for us to learn to communicate about how another person's behavior is affecting us - without making blaming "you" type of statements. There is a simple formula to help us do this. It is:

When you . . . . .

I feel . . . . .

I want . . . .

Since I am powerless over you, I will take this action to protect myself if you behave in this way.

The fourth part of this formula is setting the boundary. I will get to that in a moment. The first three parts of the formula are a very important part of taking responsibility for our self - an important step in learning to define ourselves as separate in a healthy way.

When you . . . . .

This is a healthy way to have a good discussion about boundaries and expectations. It will often result in productive conversations.