Sorry for all the negative dramatic posts is this normal?

[Elykyle]

Hey guys I'm sorry for the over flow of the negative/dramatic posts and I hope they're not annoying anybody but I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now. My significant other is the greatest I adore him and I'm seeing him in 4 days for the first time! We made 6 months together yesterday and I guess I've somewhat underestimated how tough a long distance relationship is! I've been in one in the past but nothing quite as serious as this I've never met up with them or anything and as for the close distance relationships i have actually met in person they were toxic and didn't end well. Right now I'm really struggling with the distance it's really tough I don't think I can gather enough words to describe it but I'm sure all of you can relate to this pain. My mood seems to be all over the place lately some days I'm super happy and I feel so in love other days I'm super sad and confused and don't feel anything, don't get me wrong I know I love him but some days I don't feel anything and then I start to over think what if I'm not really in love what if this, what if that, etc, the negative thoughts and feeling distant are usually at its strongest after an argument. Not to make it any better but I'm suffering from anxiety and what I believe to be ocd I don't have any compulsions with the ocd but I'm suffering from intrusive negative thoughts I'm not medically diagnosed but it isn't hard to figure out. And my significant other truly is an amazing person and lately I've just been feeling so down and I don't think it's fair for me to be feeling like this or putting him through this even though he's more than supportive, I just can't stop with these what if thoughts I usually do try to keep as positive as I can but lately the negative thoughts and what ifs really have been in control and I've been somewhat irritable. It's really bothering me because it's like the one time I am happy and I have someone great it's like I'm unable to be happy it's an emotional rollercoaster ride, is this normal? Some days I feel like I'm the only one going through this I just hate having what ifs and doubts and everything I just wanna be normal again I've read that love doesn't feel like how the movies portray it at all and it's perfectly normal not to feel like that 100 percent of the time but I just love the feeling and the days when I'm feeling down I'm wondering I just start thinking that something must be wrong how come my SO isn't going through this ? Why meeeeee! It's usually when I'm alone I start to over think or after an argument but the second I see him on FaceTime I just get a big smile on my face I've just been getting a little discouraged from all my over thinking and lil arguments other than that everything is great we have a lot of other set dates coming up in June I'll be going to his high school graduation (We have a 2 year age gap) and we even have a closing distance date in mind as well with the help of his grandma she's allowing us to stay in the extra room in her house while we are going to college and working and having a chance to save money I just don't want to feel like this forever always over thinking everything even when we live together I just wanna feel normal that's my biggest fear I honestly don't know if I would be able to get through all this with out all his support he's so supportive and I talk to him about everything I just want to know if anyone else is experiencing this because it's so tough I just wish I was next to him when I'm feeling low maybe in the mean time therapy would help I would just be interested to know if this is normal has anyone else been through this in an LDR ?

[Harlequin]

Every relationship has its highs and lows, and when you throw in the loneliness that inevitably comes with LDRs, the lows can be utterly miserable. You'll be okay, and the negative feelings will pass. Everyone goes through their low times. What's important is to keep yourself occupied and focus on the positives. Anytime you feel yourself starting to go "what if", try to remind yourself of why that's wrong, but in a way where you're not beating yourself up over it.
So like, say you start thinking to yourself "What if I don't actually love him?" Maybe think something like "Of course I love him. What I'm feeling right now isn't a loss of love--it's just me missing his presence, and that's completely understandable." Don't wallow in it, but identify the feelings and go from there.
Try not to argue with him when you start to feel yourself going into a low mood. Talk to him about how your feeling, try to cheer yourself up, or focus on the fact that June is right around the corner. Whatever works for you.

[Elykyle]

Thanks I know it's just hard! Seeing him in 4 days though so I'm excited and staying positive

[Cup]

Hello Elykyle!

It does not matter if what you are going through has a name. Well to be honest, for me it did matter, but most psychologists don't put labels on it anymore. Anyways, you can conquer this, but you will need help. You must book an appointment with a doctor, please trust me on this, i wish i had listen to this advice years ago, i would have not been in this position now. There are ways that self help can get you out, but trust me, the doctor will be more effective and faster.

Also, i too thought i didn't have compulsions, but they show in very different ways than usual ocd compulsions like washing hands. No, these show in forms you have to look hard for them. One of mine was writing on forums. Yup. For me, it's a compulsion. When i write on forums, i am looking for someone to sooth my doubts. I am looking for affirmation , someone to tell me it's going to be ok, he still loves you, he is not cheating or you still love him too. That's how OCD works. You have a negative thought, you go crazy over it and you desperately try to find a way to sooth your anxiety. This is one reason i have stopped posting here. I am still visiting apparently and i am also trying to stop that too. I would LOVE to come back when i am feeling 100% better and not because of a compulsion. I am not saying stay away, i am saying though, again, you should find a doctor, they will really help you on this. I have had one session and it felt a lot better! Second session in a few days!

If you didn't, check out the 4 steps https://www.ocduk.org/four-steps , these helped me TONS!!

Take care and keep us posted!!

[Elykyle]

Thanks cup I definitely do want to seek help! Just so expensive

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I just want to add that I get this every time there is a change. I'm learning that I may have anxiety, but regardless, it shouldn't matter. What does matter is that other people, even people who have been in relationships for two and a half years and are very very very much in love, go through some of these same worries. It got especially true for me when we started discussing me moving there. Now I'm acting out and testing his love in different ways. Keep in mind, I don't intend to, but in the end, I always realize that my anxiety about our relationship is directly tied to moving. I know deep down this is the best thing for us and that it won't break our love, but it's hard to convince yourself of that when you're leaving everything behind.

I see something similar in your post. You're going through a change. You two will be meeting soon! yay!! It is incredibly exciting but also really nerve-wracking. You're experiencing a lot of unknowns and its okay to be scared or unsure or anxious about what you may find when you two are together. And, also, it must be said that even though we were CD for 7 months in the beginning of our relationship, I STILL went through the same things you're going through because you worry that one of you may have changed or that you don't love each other as much as you thought or whatever the case may be. So it's perfectly normal, but try your hardest to remember that no matter what happens you will be okay. Either you two will fall madly in love (in person) and reaffirm whatever it was that you were feeling before or you will realize that you two aren't meant for each other and that's okay too. But try not to put such a huge pressure on this first meet because it's already stressful enough without all that extra stuff on it. And, keep in mind that it's always weird going from not being with your SO for a long time to having them there constantly. It's probably been the biggest learning curve of our relationship: we need some time alone in the first few days because we just can't handle going from 0 to 60 so quickly. Everyone is different, but make sure that you're listening to your body and getting some time alone if you start to feel like your anxiety is going up.

[Cup]

I know it is expensive, you can try to find an online one, they tend to be a bit cheaper, still, it is worth saving for, honestly! It's an investment in you!

I have to agree with MiaaingMyDutchLove. I freaked out when something changed too. It is a bit refreshing to realize it is normal to some point. We do try to be perfect and sometimes when we get out of line we are too hard on ourselves. Doubts are normal and we do need to accept that they exist. The best way to "fight" anxiety is to not fight it. It's weird, but it's true!

[Elykyle]

Thank you to everyone who has been helping me I'm really going through a rough patch I've been so negative lately the little things are getting under my skin I've been argumentative and just moody it's really tough but I'm not going to give up