Improvement

[redv]

So I thought I'd write an update.

It's been 3 months, with another 3 to go (or an additional 4 on top if I can handle it ).

So far, it's getting better. The thoughts and doubts are subsiding but I still miss him beyond belief.

He calls me up to tell me about his problems, we skype and game often, sometimes on our own and with friends. We also had a lovely meet up with his friends last weekend and was good to just laugh. We are ALWAYS talking. Always. Even if it's little messages throughout the day. Not always 'I love you' but just things that happen.

I still get the OCD urge to think negatively and jump to the worst possible scenario, but I am trying to break that.

I also don't believe anything they say too.

I am also going to see an analysis to see what kind of therapy I should go for. I was seeing a therapist that I paid for because the NHS waiting list is FAR too long, but the therapy is doing more harm than good. I am digging up my past, I know my past has shaped who I am now, but I am doing nothing with this information. It's just making me more depressed. I would like to go for CBT but that depends on waiting list. Either way, I have something to look forward to.

It's getting better, but still a long way to go.

I was actually about to write that I am not ready to settle down, but just seeing those words... I don't believe them.

I want to settle with him more than anything. So, here's hoping.

Any advice to help with missing someone so much? I want to keep occupied but I worry I will lose him altogether

My worries.. one thing after another, each one lasts about 3 days too but it's a constant OCD cycle. Any advice on this? Has anyone had this themselves? One worry after another that just pop into your head with no background whatsoever?

Redv

[Cup]

Hi redv!!
I am glad you are still going to therapy! If you indeed feel that it is not working for you, you should indeed switch doctors. But, never forget it always gets worse before it gets better! Also, although you are visiting for a specific reason, it is always good to fight the root of your problem. So it may not seem as if the therapy is helping you with your SO now, but it may be extremely helpful for you in the long run. That said, if you still think it's doing more harm than good, of course go for the change!

One thing that triggered me to write this post, besides to show my support, was the phrase "I want to keep occupied but I worry I will lose him altogether"

I am on the other side. We broke up. The one thing that did not help me at all was my fear of loosing him. Planning my life and time according to his program, even unknowingly. I do not care when people say "men find confident women attractive", f*** that. YOU should find yourself attractive! YOU should be happy with the life you lead!! If he agrees, that's a bonus! You should live your life, make it as busy as you want and need it to be. If he follows, that's nice. If not, then he wasn't the one. Of course you will make time for him, but making time for him *just in case* he gets free and you have time for a call, is not productive at all.It's 1000 times better talking to him once a week and maybe texting throughout the week, than forcing both of you to communicate under the fear of loosing each other.

Because i have been through OCD and i am sure you already know what i wrote above and having OCD makes everything different. Every advice you receive, is harder to apply. Everything seems to be a lie and everything seems to be true. OCD makes you lose trust to your own self.At least that's how it worked with me. One practical guide that honestly helped me out of my OCD thinking was the 4 steps:
https://www.ocduk.org/four-steps
This really got working. It was the first thing i found that finally told me exactly how to deal with my thoughts. Everything before that was vague. Read through the steps, if you have any questions or need any tips, feel free to message me or ask here on the forum. Remember they will not work right way. The point here is to retrain your thought process. And it's a marvelous start!! One tip i remember is on step 3 "Refocus", you do not have to go for anything big, the simple step that helped me distract my mind was brushing my hair. You'll read it and see what i mean.

I really hope you start feeling better and to be honest, i am sure you will! You are doing your best!! So keep it up! and keep us posted!!

[redv]

Thank you.

The great thing about what I have is that he is willing to follow me, and is letting me do what I need to do. He has no worries about us so it's something I need to work on. We communicate naturally too, and don't force any of it. It's just a bad pattern of mine and this happens in EVERY relationship, not just this one. Only difference is this one I do not want to lose.

I will follow that link, thank you.

I am sorry to hear you guys broke up also.

[Chris516]

So I thought I'd write an update.

It's been 3 months, with another 3 to go (or an additional 4 on top if I can handle it ).

So far, it's getting better. The thoughts and doubts are subsiding but I still miss him beyond belief.

He calls me up to tell me about his problems, we skype and game often, sometimes on our own and with friends. We also had a lovely meet up with his friends last weekend and was good to just laugh. We are ALWAYS talking. Always. Even if it's little messages throughout the day. Not always 'I love you' but just things that happen.

I still get the OCD urge to think negatively and jump to the worst possible scenario, but I am trying to break that.

I also don't believe anything they say too.

I am also going to see an analysis to see what kind of therapy I should go for. I was seeing a therapist that I paid for because the NHS waiting list is FAR too long, but the therapy is doing more harm than good. I am digging up my past, I know my past has shaped who I am now, but I am doing nothing with this information. It's just making me more depressed. I would like to go for CBT but that depends on waiting list. Either way, I have something to look forward to.

It's getting better, but still a long way to go.

I was actually about to write that I am not ready to settle down, but just seeing those words... I don't believe them.

I want to settle with him more than anything. So, here's hoping.

Any advice to help with missing someone so much? I want to keep occupied but I worry I will lose him altogether

My worries.. one thing after another, each one lasts about 3 days too but it's a constant OCD cycle. Any advice on this? Has anyone had this themselves? One worry after another that just pop into your head with no background whatsoever?

Redv

I applaud you for trying to get your OCD under control. My (ex)fiance has OCD bad, and was not in therapy while we were together. But she showed me her former therapists' office. So she definitely put forth the effort at one time. It has always been hard for her.

I gave you a 'Thanks' for being you.

[redv]

Thank you.

With the person I am with... I REFUSE to give up on him. Absolutely refuse. I don't believe any of these thoughts. That's the thing! It's just there all the time.
I genuinely cannot find anyone more perfect and someone I can be more in love with. It's just hard with these thoughts and I get them in EVERY relationship. I have had a horrible past so it's normal for me to sabotage, almost like I 'should' do it.

If it doesn't work out, it will happen again, and again, and again, and again. I want to stop it now.