To Lose In Order To Gain Something

[TheSteelAngel]

I wanted to make this post in order to inform those of you whom I'm not Facebook friends know what's been up with me lately. Last Monday I lost my step father. He died of a massive heart attack playing golf. He was a bit overweight but other than that he was perfectly healthy. He's never been sick during the 12 years he's been with us. It was a shocking loss but we are getting through it. I broke down sobbing the day he died so I texted my former SO. He was one of the only people with whom I talked about my family, so even though he hasn't spoken to me in months he finally talked to me that day. He helped calm me down which surprised me because I didn't think he cared but he grieved with me.

After months of not knowing what happened to us I finally got my answers I needed from him. He never ever hated me or disliked me in any way. He just fell into a deep depression that caused him to lose himself and me too. He was scared and the distance between us didn't help things. I know it's no excuse for how he's treated me and I really do wish he could have told me what he was feeling, but I just really feel bad for him (I know I am way too nice). We had a long loooong talk about things and I finally got to put him in his place and it felt good lol. We have become a little closer as a result. No we are not necessarily back together. I'm not taking him back until I can see definite change. To be honest, I don't even know if I wanna take him back again, but I just want to work on our friendship for now because I just can't completely keep him out of my life I'm sorry. Though we both can't help but mess around every once and a while lol

It's sad to say that because of losing my stepfather I got one of my best friends back, but it wasn't just him either. My family is a lot closer now. I can actually tolerate my slutty cousin now for example lol. We were talking like best friends when she was here. But the best change that happened was that my mom is finally gonna quit smoking and get healthier. I am just beyond happy right now. I've gained closeness and forged relationships with a lot of people through this tragedy. I hate how it had to be this way but life is like that sometimes. Not really looking for advice this time just updating you all like I said. I love this community and can't imagine what I'd do without you all.

[Elizabeth123]

Please accept my sorrow for your loss. I understand what it's like to lose a family member suddenly. That you have a friend again is good news and I wish peace and healing for you. Please stop by LFAD when you have time...we appreciate you being here too!

[TheSteelAngel]

Please accept my sorrow for your loss. I understand what it's like to lose a family member suddenly. That you have a friend again is good news and I wish peace and healing for you. Please stop by LFAD when you have time...we appreciate you being here too!

Thank you. That was very nice

[Chris516]

I wanted to make this post in order to inform those of you whom I'm not Facebook friends know what's been up with me lately. Last Monday I lost my step father. He died of a massive heart attack playing golf. He was a bit overweight but other than that he was perfectly healthy. He's never been sick during the 12 years he's been with us. It was a shocking loss but we are getting through it. I broke down sobbing the day he died so I texted my former SO. He was one of the only people with whom I talked about my family, so even though he hasn't spoken to me in months he finally talked to me that day. He helped calm me down which surprised me because I didn't think he cared but he grieved with me.

After months of not knowing what happened to us I finally got my answers I needed from him. He never ever hated me or disliked me in any way. He just fell into a deep depression that caused him to lose himself and me too. He was scared and the distance between us didn't help things. I know it's no excuse for how he's treated me and I really do wish he could have told me what he was feeling, but I just really feel bad for him (I know I am way too nice). We had a long loooong talk about things and I finally got to put him in his place and it felt good lol. We have become a little closer as a result. No we are not necessarily back together. I'm not taking him back until I can see definite change. To be honest, I don't even know if I wanna take him back again, but I just want to work on our friendship for now because I just can't completely keep him out of my life I'm sorry. Though we both can't help but mess around every once and a while lol

It's sad to say that because of losing my stepfather I got one of my best friends back, but it wasn't just him either. My family is a lot closer now. I can actually tolerate my slutty cousin now for example lol. We were talking like best friends when she was here. But the best change that happened was that my mom is finally gonna quit smoking and get healthier. I am just beyond happy right now. I've gained closeness and forged relationships with a lot of people through this tragedy. I hate how it had to be this way but life is like that sometimes. Not really looking for advice this time just updating you all like I said. I love this community and can't imagine what I'd do without you all.

This analogy may not make sense. But it is sort of what I understand happened to you as a result of your step-father's death.

It is almost like someone in a wheat field. Cutting all the wheat stalks for harvest time. Then bundling it with twine. The bundles individually represent each person you had poor communication with, prior your step-father's death. What is left in the wheat field. Is all the good stuff about each person. So all the 'bad blood', has been cut away. Coupled with things you never expected.

Then you are critical of yourself. Because, You are thinking 'Why did he(your step-father) have to die. For me(you) to' clean the wheat field', for positive things to happen. Take a load of self criticism off your mind about your step-father's death. While being thankful for all the positive things that have emotionally come about.

[emsimes]

I'm so sorry to hear about your stepfather I have a stepfather that I am close with as well, so I can't even imagine the pain your family must be going through right now.
That being said, I'm also happy to hear that you finally got the answers you deserved and that you guys can move forward, even if that means remaining friends
I wish you and your family all the best, and just remember that LFAD is always here for you <3

[R&R]

I'm sorry about your stepfather and the loss to you and your family.

I am glad that you did finally find out what happened with your ex. I hope this will give you the closure that you need as far as a relationship and that you will be able to maintain a successful friendship.

[TheSteelAngel]

I'm sorry about your stepfather and the loss to you and your family.

I am glad that you did finally find out what happened with your ex. I hope this will give you the closure that you need as far as a relationship and that you will be able to maintain a successful friendship.

Thank you. And yes hopefully I will be able to have a successful relationship now, whether it's with him or not.

[HisLittleBear]

My condolences on your loss, but I am glad you're feeling better.