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    #1

    Frustrated

    Has anyone ever had the feeling of they just don't like one certain friend your SO has?

    There's this one girl that my SO talks to that he started talking to around the sane time we did but I got to his heart first as he says. He's made it clear we are together. Anyways anytime I see her liking his FB status or pictures I get sooo frustrated. I feel like she does it just to taunt me.
    I have read some of their messages as he showed them to me. Wanting to prove his innocence, that he wasn't interested. They were innocent on his end. Hers on the other hand were things like....

    "I stumbled upon my exs profile and he's getting married" His reply being "ahh I'm sorry to hear that" followed by " I'm sure you'll find someone someday" with her reply immediately being "maybe I already have 😉" and his reply not even a full second later of "so how was your day?"

    I know i shouldn't be worried but just them being friends drives me crazy. I just want to write to her and say " back off".

    I know I have to let him have his friends just like he has to let me have mine but I cannot stand when they cross the boundary.
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    #2
    Originally posted by Lost77 View Post
    Has anyone ever had the feeling of they just don't like one certain friend your SO has?

    There's this one girl that my SO talks to that he started talking to around the sane time we did but I got to his heart first as he says. He's made it clear we are together. Anyways anytime I see her liking his FB status or pictures I get sooo frustrated. I feel like she does it just to taunt me.
    I have read some of their messages as he showed them to me. Wanting to prove his innocence, that he wasn't interested. They were innocent on his end. Hers on the other hand were things like....

    "I stumbled upon my exs profile and he's getting married" His reply being "ahh I'm sorry to hear that" followed by " I'm sure you'll find someone someday" with her reply immediately being "maybe I already have ��" and his reply not even a full second later of "so how was your day?"

    I know i shouldn't be worried but just them being friends drives me crazy. I just want to write to her and say " back off".

    I know I have to let him have his friends just like he has to let me have mine but I cannot stand when they cross the boundary.
    From what they said. It is her that has crossed the line, and rather bluntly. Your SO didn't entertain her thinking, and brushed it off creatively. Yes, Maybe he should have told her to back off. But he was being polite. Without being brutal.

    First Visit: September 2016
    Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
    Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

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      #3
      First Welcome to LFAD!
      I'm not a fan of FB. No boundaries were crossed - it's social media.
      If you are in a committed relationship then you need to speak honestly with your SO and discuss what bothers you. It is important to remember that you and your SO will both be around other people (online/ irl) and if you feel insecure about that it's something you need to work on.

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        #4
        He seems committed to you....not flirting back and being open with you.
        He picked you. Please don't start looking for things that don't exist you will wear down your relationship.
        As timei goes on you will run into the situation at work and everything it's not fair to tell somebody that you don't like their friend unless there's a valid reason.

        Enjoy what you have. Continue to grow as a couple by communicating!

        Comment

          #5
          I have to agree with everyone here. He's made it clear to her he's not interested and that is great. Don't worry about her. She'll get the clue and if she doesn't and keeps on, he may consider it unwanted harassment and unfriend her anyway.

          Comment

            #6
            Thank you everyone. I feel a lot better about the situation. It does help that the person is also states away from him. I did send SO a long email and he was saddened that i had the worries. He now knows how I feel and I now see from your point of view that he did just brush her off, he technically hasn't done anything wrong and that helps.

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              #7
              Good. Welcome to LFAD.

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                #8
                My biggest issue with this whole thing was that because there was that initial interest I have told him in the past with my concern of their friendship as there was that interest...he did at one point tell me he wouldn't talk to her but then there's been random conversations here and there..as I stated earlier with the example obviously flirtation on her side but not his. But why hide it? That's what bugs me.
                If there's really no reason for me to worry, why hide it?

                Like I said in my previous post I cannot stop him from having female friends as that's nuts but it's him saying he wouldn't talk to her and they still do. That's what hurts....

                Comment

                  #9
                  Again, he picked you.
                  And what is he hiding? He showed you conversations that went on. He has done nothing wrong with you to be able to say don't talk to her . JUst like Elizabeth123 stated.....It is social media. No harm both foul. Looking for something that doesn't exist ias that may end up frustrating your boyfriend. You either learn to trust and believe him, or you don't and get out of this relationship.
                  I don't mean to sound harsh but he's been pretty open to you and you want him to stop talking to this girl because you are assuming she means your boyfriend in a comment and you don't even know that for a fact.. Again, because you don't like her.

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                    #10
                    You need to really think about why you want to control him. If he's with you he's with you...social media is like watching tv...a pastime.
                    People will talk/text/etc you and your SO...no one forbids contact ....that's not healthy...you are suggesting he needs your approval for every outside contact...
                    A healthy relationship is built by communication and trust and respect for each other.

                    I would never tell my SO he can't talk with someone...if I have a problem I'll share my concern ...it's up to him to communicate with me (not talking something life threatening like drugs or crime).

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I mention him hiding it because of where he says he won't talk to her but continued to without my knowledge.
                      The only reason I knew he continued to was, that one day during our recent visit I was changing music in his car (he's got it hooked up bluetooth to his radio from his phone) and she messaged him. He didn't freak out although he looked a little pale but he did let me see the messages.
                      I saw one message from back in Feb where he said " I've been dating this chick and we're fighting right now" and she hinted then to being with her, he ignored it and again was asking what she'd been up to. To me harmless enough but the "this chick" remark rubbed me the wrong way because at this point we were already 5 months in and had said I love you etc. I just thought there could of been a better way for him to say that.It seemed like I was just a random new girl and by him brining up the issue to her it made me feel like it opened the door for her to start slowly weaseling herself in. As I have seen that with other friends. To be clear I haven't mentioned this anymore to my SO as I just came here to vent.

                      I defintely understand what you all are saying. He is a fantastic SO and I feel after reading all this I am blowing it out of proportion. He hasn't technically done anything wrong. I feel like I could like her under different circumstances but I hate her lack of respect for our relationship.
                      Last edited by Lost77; May 8, 2016, 08:08 AM.

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                        #12
                        He is a fantastic SO and I feel after reading all this I am blowing it out of proportion. He hasn't technically done anything wrong.
                        We all go through periods of doubt and frustration....wishing better times ahead for you and your SO as you work through this together.

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                          #13
                          Thank you.

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