So our first real fight just happened and it sucks. I fucking hate arguments because I always seem to get upset about things that don't have a clear resolution, or at least not an immediate one. So then I'm forced to feel like shit for some unknown period of time. That's made even worse by this being a LDR. Even if I wanted to just hug it out, I can't. I had been upset about this thing for a while but was trying to ignore it and remind myself of certain things that should counteract my being bothered by it. But I brought it up today and I wish I hadn't. It's just something that is important to me and it's hard not to take personally. Her not having a real answer and only being able to speculate as to the reason why this thing happened is what makes this really hard to just forget and move on from. The answer she gave makes enough sense, but at the same time doesn't. I also don't think she really understands why it is that it upsets me so much. I feel stupid and immature for being upset about it, but at the same time, I attach deeper meaning to this sort of thing than I guess most other people do. So it hurts. It makes me feel less special. I know it's not fair to her to be mad about something that happened in the past, but I can't help it. I wish I didn't care. I really really wish I didn't care. I know I'm being vague, but it's on purpose. I'm not one to really spread this sort of personal business around. I'm just venting I guess.
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Its ok to be upset and its ok to argue--constructively and with rules if needed... We have a rule, if one walks away, you let them. You don't follow or make comments, you just let them go.
Sometimes things you say to clear the air, can lead to heated discussions as well. If it is something that bothers you, then by all means, express yourself. Just do it in a way that does not put the other person on the defense if at all possible.
Sounds like something out of your control and that you do not like the answer to is bothering you. If it something you can change or she can change, then come to a resolution. If its not, let it go. As hard as hell as it is to do, you need to do it. If it something that bothers you so much that you cant focus... think about letting go of your relationship.
My SO did something before we got together that hurt the hell out of me.. It pissed me off even though I had no right to dictate him or his behavior at the time.. It almost broke us up, but I had to realize what it was and if it was something I could live with.. It took me months and with his help, I did get over it.
So, I am not asking for more info, nor will I say what almost took me down, but thinking it through and talking it through, made us stronger in the long run... Hope that helps a wee bit. -
This is pretty much it. It's something that happened before we met so it's something that I shouldn't be upset about. However, the specific reason why I'm upset about it relates to our relationship, something that she can't seem to replicate with me. And even though I know she loves me and wants me and all that, I still can't help but feel less than. I shouldn't feel like that and I wish I didn't, but I do. But it'll pass. We'll be fine. Thanks for your response.Originally posted by sasad View PostComment
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