Insecurities and Doubt

[FATMLover]

My S/O and I have been with each other for 9 months now. I am very confident in our love and trust for each other. But for the past couple of weeks I have had some really bad bouts of insecurity and doubts about whether he deserves someone like me or not. We usually text each other everyday, whenever we get time to respond (I'm at college, and he's at work). But these weekend and the one before, he has been to two separate music festivals with his friends and roommates. I am glad he's having fun, and he sends me videos and pictures, once a day, of the bands he's being seeing. I can gather he's having the time of his life!
Meanwhile I'm at my sister's place in Illinois, spending my summer vacation in a rather boring manner. Despite both of us being introverts (i'm an INFJ, he's an ISTP) my S/O loves externally stimulating and exciting things like mosh pits at concerts or being at music festivals jostled against thousands of people. I, on the other hand like going to concerts and things in general that are.....less intense to say the least.
I was talking to him one day about it, and I felt really bad when I told him that I might never be comfortable in those kind of high energy environments. In simpler terms: sometimes my idea of fun and his idea of fun is not the same. He was very understanding of this and told me that we don't have to like the same things all the time. But I came to the realization that I am so INSANELY boring in comparison to him. I am so scared that one day he's gonna wake up and realize I'm not amazing or exciting, and instead a boring grandma of a person, who can't even go to the type of concerts/festivals he likes to go to.

Thank you to anyone who stuck around to read my rant. I really just need to talk to someone here. Some advice would be really appreciated. I love you all, my LDR Fam. Stay strong.

[Chris516]

My S/O and I have been with each other for 9 months now. I am very confident in our love and trust for each other. But for the past couple of weeks I have had some really bad bouts of insecurity and doubts about whether he deserves someone like me or not. We usually text each other everyday, whenever we get time to respond (I'm at college, and he's at work). But these weekend and the one before, he has been to two separate music festivals with his friends and roommates. I am glad he's having fun, and he sends me videos and pictures, once a day, of the bands he's being seeing. I can gather he's having the time of his life!
Meanwhile I'm at my sister's place in Illinois, spending my summer vacation in a rather boring manner. Despite both of us being introverts (i'm an INFJ, he's an ISTP) my S/O loves externally stimulating and exciting things like mosh pits at concerts or being at music festivals jostled against thousands of people. I, on the other hand like going to concerts and things in general that are.....less intense to say the least.
I was talking to him one day about it, and I felt really bad when I told him that I might never be comfortable in those kind of high energy environments. In simpler terms: sometimes my idea of fun and his idea of fun is not the same. He was very understanding of this and told me that we don't have to like the same things all the time. But I came to the realization that I am so INSANELY boring in comparison to him. I am so scared that one day he's gonna wake up and realize I'm not amazing or exciting, and instead a boring grandma of a person, who can't even go to the type of concerts/festivals he likes to go to.

Thank you to anyone who stuck around to read my rant. I really just need to talk to someone here. Some advice would be really appreciated. I love you all, my LDR Fam. Stay strong.

Is he asking you to be someone you are not?

[FATMLover]

No, but I'm afraid the differences might outweigh the similarities some day.
I should also add that this is my first relationship ever. So I have no previous experience in how to process my insecurities in the context of a relationship, let alone an LDR.

Thank you for responding, Chris516! I really appreciate it!

[Chris516]

No, but I'm afraid the differences might outweigh the similarities some day.
I should also add that this is my first relationship ever. So I have no previous experience in how to process my insecurities in the context of a relationship, let alone an LDR.

Thank you for responding, Chris516! I really appreciate it!

The woman I am interested in, lives on the West Coast. While I live on the East Coast. I used to think her lack of saying anything on the phone, when I call. Was because I was thinking that I must be an absolute bore to her. I finally got it in my head. That I wasn't a bore. So, Even though she doesn't say much on the phone(she has said that she doesn't know what to say). I still like talking to her.

I do have previous LDR 'experience'. But no LDR is the same.

[sasad]

It's perfectly acceptable to be different or even opposite in a relationship. A lot of us are and we make it work.
I am the outgoing spaz and my SO is the calm "boring" homebody type... He likes being around his close friends, but talking to people on the street, like I do, is beyond him.
We make it work... He is learning and ok with being a little outgoing and stepping out of his comfort zone. I, on the other hand, am finding it to be reaaaally nice to have a date at home sometimes. So we compromise and we make it work.
Every relationship is different, close distance, long-distance, dating for a while when new people. As long as you communicate and stay open with each other and you will find your groove and it will all work out



Don't focus on what you perceive to be the negatives, but rather on the stuff that makes you a couple.

[differentcountries]

Hi, I am an INFJ, too . I date an (high sensitive) ESFJ and an ISFJ (long distance).

I am a bit confused as to why having different hobbies or personalites means the relationship is doomed. Having your own social life is very healthy, as long as you have a shared world as well.

My slightly more extroverted husband has drawn me out of my shell a lot, and in return I have tought him how to really relax. My long distance boyfriend is relentlessly social (he is Turkish after all) and he teaches me to be more spontanous, and I teach him how to set limits for himself. The most important thing is finding a relationship that works and that is furfilling to the people involved. .