Long distance

[Butterfly1958]

Im confused I love this man and it seems that only sometimes be feels the same way he calls everyday twice some times he works out of town and he flip flops like he cant make up his mind I say i would visit him he could t wait for me to come then when i was ready his hrs got changed to 5 ten hr days sat turned to Eight And now Sundays are eight as well so now its like he don't want me there because he says be has no time but yet he goes shopping to the ymca etc so I feel hurt and don't know how to tell him without biting his head off cuz I feel like I at the bottom of theist I do understand to a point and then again I feel like even a short visit to just hold him but it doesn't seem to interest him what do I do ?????

[TheSteelAngel]

I had this same problem with my former SO. A visit for us never did happen because he had no time off. He is a police officer in a big city and he works all the time and when he's not working he's sleeping because he's tired. He feels the same way your SO does. He wanted me to come visit him when he had time off so he could have time for me. He didn't think it would be fair for me if I came to visit him and he did was work and sleep all day. I'd say wait a while for him to adjust to his changed schedule so he could familiarize himself with his off time.

[differentcountries]

I don't understand this line argument, as 90 % of our visits has been with my SO working 8-12 hours every day on my visit. I play housewife, read and so on, and we spend some precious time together in the evening. If you want it, you make it happen.

[R&R]

I don't understand this line argument, as 90 % of our visits has been with my SO working 8-12 hours every day on my visit. I play housewife, read and so on, and we spend some precious time together in the evening. If you want it, you make it happen.

I agree with this. My SO owns his own business and rarely has time to spend with me when I visit. We only get actual time if he comes here. I still go visit him. Especially if it's a first visit - some time is better than no time. Plus, you can find things to do around the area while he is at work. It's not like you have to just sit at the house while he's at work.

[Butterfly1958]

Dear steel-angel thank you for the tip but I don't believe in my heart of hearts waiting will work . I got off the phone with him a bit ago he seemed to be in a mood since he has started the job his pattern of normal habits have changed some up late doing a lot of shopping odd behavior ,because his Birthday is on the holiday coming up I asked if he just might have the weekend off and holiday he said he didn't know either or again wishy washy whether or not I would go see him and then he added that the job May require 12hr days He got real nasty yelling I don't know Im tired and he would have to see I told him he made me feel like I was un welcomed which seem to pis him off more because if he had monday off his Birthday holiday he would be no company sleep and do his laundry then he yelled Im tired again so I said why don't ya go to bed he say i will goodnight and hung up on me I think he has made himself clear he really doesn't want to see me now I feel I wouldn't go see him if he begged me or paid for it am I wrong ? I agree with it you want it to happen come hell over high water two people will make it work seems to me theres little effort on his part anyone one care to help me out ?? Thank you for help advise and comments

[Chris516]

Dear steel-angel thank you for the tip but I don't believe in my heart of hearts waiting will work . I got off the phone with him a bit ago he seemed to be in a mood since he has started the job his pattern of normal habits have changed some up late doing a lot of shopping odd behavior ,because his Birthday is on the holiday coming up I asked if he just might have the weekend off and holiday he said he didn't know either or again wishy washy whether or not I would go see him and then he added that the job May require 12hr days He got real nasty yelling I don't know Im tired and he would have to see I told him he made me feel like I was un welcomed which seem to pis him off more because if he had monday off his Birthday holiday he would be no company sleep and do his laundry then he yelled Im tired again so I said why don't ya go to bed he say i will goodnight and hung up on me I think he has made himself clear he really doesn't want to see me now I feel I wouldn't go see him if he begged me or paid for it am I wrong ? I agree with it you want it to happen come hell over high water two people will make it work seems to me theres little effort on his part anyone one care to help me out ?? Thank you for help advise and comments

I may be way off base here. But I get the feeling that. His busy days combined with his snappy attitude are signs of him keeping a secret(or secrets) from you.

[Elizabeth123]

Butterfly1958 Welcome to LFAD
From what you have shared it seems time to move on...you deserve a better relationship. We all get busy, have limited time, etc...we choose to make plans with our SO in order to have a relationship...

[R&R]

After your last post, I am also going to have to say that it's time to move on. Long hours can make a person tired but that doesn't give them the right to yell at you and act as he is acting. Tell him he can take all the time he needs to work and do what he wants because you won't be around to take the attitude from him.

[Miasmata]

I may be way off base here. But I get the feeling that. His busy days combined with his snappy attitude are signs of him keeping a secret(or secrets) from you.

You are again assuming really quickly, Chris. It's not helpful.

OP, no matter what the reasons are for why your partner acts this way, it shows a lot of uncaring attitude towards the relationship. Ask yourself if that's what you're okay with. You can't wait for someone to change - If he chooses to not care this strongly and unpleasantly, there is little reason to believe he'll just suddenly decide to care. You deserve to be with someone who wants to invest in the relationship, too, and who doesn't get so harsh and unfair with you.

[Chris516]

You are again assuming really quickly, Chris. It's not helpful.

OP, no matter what the reasons are for why your partner acts this way, it shows a lot of uncaring attitude towards the relationship. Ask yourself if that's what you're okay with. You can't wait for someone to change - If he chooses to not care this strongly and unpleasantly, there is little reason to believe he'll just suddenly decide to care. You deserve to be with someone who wants to invest in the relationship, too, and who doesn't get so harsh and unfair with you.

There is a difference between saying 'I get the feeling', and assuming. Assuming is ABSOLUTE. A feeling is NOT ABSOLUTE.

[Butterfly1958]

Testing having a hard time trying to post

[Butterfly1958]

Long distance

Good morning friends still trying to figure out
This posting thing wrote the same thing 3 times
And cant find the post anywhere. First I want to
Say Thank you for the comment and affirmation
Yesterday was odd after the hang up I didn't
Hear from him since he started this job he calls
Every morning to quote un quote have coffee
No call so at lunch which he rarely does sends me
A text saying I cant talk now ill get back to
You later. have a nice day! I text sorry u must have the wrong
Person mistake because its odd that he didn't say sorry or anything
And he has sent text to me calling me miss Kate when it was
Suppose to be his daughter yeah like dads call there daughters miss my
Name is Kate to sounded like a flirt which you don't do to your
Daughter any how thats why I responded the way I did
So he text back Oh then I text last I knew u hung up on me
Like I said must b the wrong person yeah have yourself a happy
Day by now the reason why I used by now is because he uses
It to me I don't like it so I just giving him a taste of his own
Medicine. Then he text back go for a ride and relax I hate that word
To relax . He phoned my house at 745p like he does just before
ready for bed yawning for a maybe 7 min call which pisses me
Off I didn't answer he left no message he normally would then text but he didn't do that
Either this morning he calls I answered and say I was on my way
Out the called may have lasted 1 min I want him to
feel what he does to me until he says he's sorry all I ask for
Is a little time respect and his heart and I feel he doesn't appreciate
Me I have everything I need except a loving heart guess thats to much
To ask for ?? Ready to give up on it all Am I wrong ? I think
He takes me for grand it I also think he is selfish thought less and insensitive crude to

Any one agree maybe I need a attitude adjustment

[R&R]

I think everyone has already given you the advice that by the way he treats you, it's probably best if you let go and move on from this relationship. That being said, giving him a taste of his own medicine like that is most likley not going to affect him at all and you are now stooping to his level.

End it and allow yourself some time for you. When you are ready, then you can consider being in a new relationship with someone who will treat you properly.

[Elizabeth123]

Given his behavior my advice is cut all contact...block his phone, no email, no text, etc....make a clean break and enjoy your life. You don't need that drama or bad treatment.