I almost just ruined everything!

[jlban38]

I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 months. I am head over heals in love with this man. He is everything that I've ever wanted in a partner. I am a single mother. I go to school full time in NY and work part time. My bf has a job in KS that he is committed to indefinitely.

90% of the time we are spot on but, 10% I get scared that our relationship isn't real. It's hard to explain. I know that it's real. I guess I just want more. The day to day partner kind of relationship. I can't imagine having that with anyone else other than my amazing man but, often after visits I question our relationship and even suggest that we break up.

He has dealt with it pretty well...offering encouragement and support when I'm feeling weak but, this time he said that if this is how I'm feeling 4 months in then he can't see me making it another 8 or so and so maybe I should move on. I DON'T WANT THAT! Why do I say that I think it's best then sometimes?

We ended our good night convo agreeing to keep working on it but, I don't want to come off as wishy washy to the man I love. How can I avoid being weak? I want to show him that I am a strong and supportive partner. Someone that he can trust is in this relationship whole heartedly and is not going to back out when it is hard.

[Redheart14]

Hi and welcome to the forum.
You need to stop doubting the relationship. You are together, you are making it work and it's real. Forget what others say, they aren't in the relationship, you are! Continuing doubts can be emotionally draining especially in an LDR. Focus on the upcoming visits and enjoy the moments like Skype chats and things like that. Staying positive is the key.

[Miasmata]

You are NOT weak for having fears and for having bad days! Those are perfectly normal. Just remember that not every day is gonna be torture, and that you have many opportunities to still be a couple and grow together, even over the distance. As long as you two pull together and want to make it work, there's seriously a lot you can conquer. Please don't put up a facade and play all tough in front of your partner - Your partner is someone who has to be able to handle you at both your best and your worst. Just don't wallow in the negative moments. Get through them, talk through them if you need to (seriously, that is fine), and look forward. You two are in this together, and you got each other's back! All the best to you!

[Chris516]

Hi and welcome to the forum.
You need to stop doubting the relationship. You are together, you are making it work and it's real. Forget what others say, they aren't in the relationship, you are! Continuing doubts can be emotionally draining especially in an LDR. Focus on the upcoming visits and enjoy the moments like Skype chats and things like that. Staying positive is the key.

Ditto

Unless he specifically tells you. There is no reason to doubt the relationship.

[jlban38]

I know I can be stronger! This forum is definitely going to help. I I am barely ever weak when it comes to other things in my life and am having trouble showing vulnerability. I am learning a lot about myself through this and am excited to keep trying.

[R&R]

I think I can safely say that most of us in LDR's have the end goal of finally being together. During our time apart, we all make sacrifices. We all are living our lives without the in person day to day partner. It can be hard at times and some struggle more than others.

Whether in a CD or LDR, if you keep saying that breaking up may be the best option, eventually the other person is going to call you on it. It sounds like he has. My ex SO would say that after visits too or when he was feeling particular inscure or jealous. I had told him multiple times he had nothing to worry about and reassured him. Eventually, I said if he said it again, I would take him at his word and end it. As you can see, I said ex. Within a few days after that converstaion, he said we should break up and I agreed and it was over. He was in shock. I just finally took him at his word and made it happen.

Maybe when you are having these feelings you should write it out in a journal. This way you can get your frustrations on concerns out without making your SO feel like you really aren't sure about him or the relationship.