The infamous question: "HOW can you handle THAT?!"

[jenlee11]

I'm feeling some sorts of way today because I've had a very big weekend. I closed on my own house- to MY name and my name only- and moved in. My boyfriend is upset that he's not here to help and not here for all of it, it was an experience he wanted to do with me, since I call this "our house", and he helped me pick it out on his last trip here, WE decided on this house.
I went out to dinner with co workers today and I was describing how I wished he could've been here, and she goes "HOW CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?" Meaning my relationship and him not being here.
That falls into line with:
I couldn't do that
You're crazy
How does that even work?
How can you go that long without getting some?

My boyfriend and I were together for a while years ago and I got the same responses about it, and since we've been back together I get them all over again.
We're good at the LDR thing, but I have no idea what to say when people say these to me. I usually just say yeah it sucks. Not really looking for advice or anything, just curious how you all handle that question- because I know we all get it.
That and I'm just a little sad that he's not here, because sometimes, I can't handle it like a champ, and it does get to me.

[Hollandia]

I think if somebody asks you a question, (any question, not just an LDR or relationship one), that is unwanted, unasked for, and none of their business, I would respond as such.
Something that lets them know they are being inconsiderate of your feelings and you don't wish to discuss it. I might say something like " Fine but having it rubbed in my face doesn't help so let's talk about shopping(or fill in the blank with some subject you know they love) instead."

I was never really offended by it for me. I think half the time people just say something like this because they don't know what to say. If you want to be really flippant you could recommend they rent the movie "Closing the Distance" and say "that pretty much covers it, if you really want to know" and then change the subject. I guess it would depend on their tone when they asked it and my mood.

[jenlee11]

Like I can't say it offends me, but sometimes I just feel like its an unwarranted question. I'm in a stable relationship, we're probably closer than half the people I know in relationships, just not in distance. Like it's considered rude to be like YOU'RE DATING WHO/WHAT?! Apparently those rules don't apply for LDRs.

[ChloChlo]

I guess I have been pretty lucky in that few people have asked me that question rudely (I think the "You're crazy/I could never do that/How does that even work/What about your sex life" approach is pretty darn rude). Mostly people seem genuinely curious about how we met and ask non-judgmental types of questions that are generally more compassionate than incredulous. One of my very closest friends just the other day couldn't hold it in any more and finally blurted out the "how do you survive so long without sex" question - I'm sure after 6+ months of burning curiosity.

Like Hollandia has said, my response depends on a lot. I've specifically told people exactly how we manage the relationship if I think they are genuinely curious, and I've also used the "We just make it work, and we're really happy" line when I haven't been in the mood to explain my personal life to someone.

I haven't yet encountered anyone who was out-and-out rude to my face about their disbelief that an LDR can work. I'm glad I haven't - it would be really tiresome to have to deal with that all the time.

[differentcountries]

I know a lot of people who are or have been in LDR's. Still there is always this one person who will go something akin to "How can you handle THAT".

I am usually very sweet to them and tell them that love, like life, is sometimes hard, but if you flip the coin, it could be so that we never met and I had never experienced SOs wonderful ways...and that I wish all I know could meet someone who makes lifes feel as rewarding, special and sweet as SO makes mine. And that if they have questions, they can ask them, although I am not too keen on going into details about our sex life but everything else I will pretty much be open to answering.

Usually, I am a little sad when people ask me this question - because I think they should be minding their own relationships and not take mine too personal like my life is somehow attacking theirs. I remember this one person who was very sceptical, now their relationship doesn't exist any more. And I sort of knew that would happen. Happy couples dont bitch about other couples.

[Katy_G]

My partner and I get that a lot, from both our workplaces. We usually just ignore the pointed questions or firmly tell repeat offenders that it is intrusive. But yes, at least one of my friends has told me that "LDRs don't work" and implied that my partner was cheating. To make matters worse my workmates cast doubt on the fact that "he's understanding" simply because he's in a different profession other than the medical field.

On the other hand my partner has to deal with workmates pressuring him to cheat, or get me to sleep with him even if we have both decided to wait till marriage. It does get tiresome.

[Chris516]

I'm feeling some sorts of way today because I've had a very big weekend. I closed on my own house- to MY name and my name only- and moved in. My boyfriend is upset that he's not here to help and not here for all of it, it was an experience he wanted to do with me, since I call this "our house", and he helped me pick it out on his last trip here, WE decided on this house.
I went out to dinner with co workers today and I was describing how I wished he could've been here, and she goes "HOW CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?" Meaning my relationship and him not being here.
That falls into line with:
I couldn't do that
You're crazy
How does that even work?
How can you go that long without getting some?

My boyfriend and I were together for a while years ago and I got the same responses about it, and since we've been back together I get them all over again.
We're good at the LDR thing, but I have no idea what to say when people say these to me. I usually just say yeah it sucks. Not really looking for advice or anything, just curious how you all handle that question- because I know we all get it.
That and I'm just a little sad that he's not here, because sometimes, I can't handle it like a champ, and it does get to me.

Tell them, you have the emotional skills for it. They are lacking those skills.

[AJG96]

Most people I've talked to haven't asked that question, surprisingly. Come to think of it, most people that I tell give a response along the lines "That's interesting." Some people even say I'm lucky to be in a relationship with a Norwegian, because people are weird with the whole "Scandinavians are hot" thing. Anyway, the only person to ever ask a question along the lines of "How does it work?" was a friend of mine back when my SO and I were just a couple of months into the relationship. He specifically asked "How do dates work?" I forget exactly what my response was, but I said something like "We could have a dinner date on Skype." but that was just me being a smart-ass. A friend of my sisters said she couldn't do long distance, but that's the closest I've gotten to this kind of question.

[R&R]

My response is usually "I can handle it pretty easily, why?". That pretty much stops them in their tracks. If they tell me they could never do that, then I tell them it's a good thing they aren't in an LDR then.

[Miasmata]

I'm sympathetic to people who say that. It usually comes from a place of genuine confusion, since it's something they absolutely can't imagine doing it. To me, it's just another form of being with someone, and I explain it as such. As long as people make it work, what's the big deal? In my experience, when I show I'm cool with it, people usually get the hint too.

[QueenD]

I don't get offended by these kinds of questions because honestly I think most people are just trying to express empathy, even if it is clumsy. I tend to tell most people who ask that being in a LDR isn't for sissies but that my guy is worth the effort.

[Ella85]

I usually say that it can be hard at times and i do miss him but that he's worth the wait. We are closing the distance very soon so my family are more interested in spending time with me now than asking questions and the important people in my life already know.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

To be honest, I actually kind of love these questions. Am I the only one? Most of the time it's genuine awe and admiration for the shit that we put up with for love. A lot of people who have asked have been in LDRs in the past and are baffled that we have lasted so long only seeing each other once every 6 months or so. I take it as a compliment! When people ask me that, all I feel is proud that we love each other enough to survive in these tough situations! We LDR people are a rare breed! We found someone that we love enough to last the distance. There are many people that are quite jealous of that, despite all of the other problems we run into.

[Honour]

I honestly find it funny when people ask me, cause I usually say something like "It's easy" when in actual fact, I know I'm lying through my back teeth. But they don't need to know that lol

[Alle1770]

I'm the same, I usually get kind of flattered when people ask these types of questions - most people are just genuinely curious about how it works, how often we see each other, and just generally how we can stand it. And I just tell them the truth - it's hard, but you get used to it after a while and it's all worth it in the end. I've noticed that it's mostly older people asking these questions though - people my age usually just go "oh wow, cool" and then there's nothing more with that. I guess it's because older generations aren't as used to LDR's as the younger generations - being in an LDR nowadays really isn't that strange