He wanna give up

[tinythemini]

Hi ppl, so here's my story. I met this guy online and we’ve been talking for more than 2 years now. I know that he didn’t date anyone and so am I because we got so serious about each other. We basically did all long-distance couples would do to keep the spark of the relationship.

However, we were never really in a “relationship” as we never really met and we live halfway across the world. We were supposed to meet last year but he got relocated due to his job. We have another chance to meet up next month but he refused to let me stay at his place this time saying it’d be a short of a tease and he’d miss me terribly after I leave. He said I should stay at my friends and he wouldn’t mind meeting up when I’m there but he doesn’t want me to think it’ll be a relationship if we kick it off because at the end of the day we still live so far apart. He said we shouldn’t have gotten so serious in the first place and this relationship won’t work till we live near each other. I’m actually planning to move there, not because of him but for my studies.

He said he really likes me and it hurts him so much for him to call this off. He doesn’t want to be in a long-distance relationship as physical affections may be important to him. He told me he’d love to explore his opportunities to get together with me when I eventually move there. So he wants to remain friends and keep in tou7ch like how we used to but I just can’t be friends with him, at least for now, so I said I need time to sort out my feelings and will contact him once I’m ready. Deep in my heart, I care so much for this guy and I don’t want him to give up on us

[sasad]

That he said he doesn't want a relationship now. That you never really defined the relationship over the last two years... That he doesn't want you at his house and that staying there during a visit apparently isn't an option.
Those are reasons to back it up. He doesn't want any ldr at this time. You need to respect that and, as hard and painful as it is, let it go.
You say he isn't dating etc., but that he doesn't want you around where he lives, either means he has someone else with him, or he seriously doesn't want you there. You haven't met yet, who knows if the chemistry is even there?
It's your choice. Go and visit your friends if you wish, but don't set expectations that he wants a real relationship at this time....

[Chris516]

His LDR commitment seems like it is in drydock. Almost like, he strung you along for two years.

[sasad]

They never had a committed relationship talk... They were both ok with what they had, so that's not stringing someone along... Now that there is a chance for commitment, he is not ready.

[Desmond]

I agree with sasad. You should not have expectations of him, especially since you two did not build terms around your relationship over these couple of years.

That said, you should also let him know what you want - both of you should know what you expect from one another. Otherwise, you could end up hurting each other even more.