Things are moving too fast....

[Nina92]

This post is for a friend of mine, I told her that I have received valuable advice from here and she wanted to ask this.
She's been with this guy for over 4 years now and they are really serious, have plans to marry and settle down. But she needs some more time to settle down in life, finish her studies,get a job and stuff. Last week they had posted a few pics on fb and everybody commented that they look like a happy married couple. From then he's kind of been telling her that maybe they should get married now. She has said no, but keeps feeling that its a bit selfish. She can as well study married or not and he is capable of financially supporting them both. Yet she doesn't want to. Is it because things are moving too fast suddenly or is she just losing interest in him and life togethers?????

[sasad]

Only she can answer that question. She needs to ask herself why.
Some people are ready faster than others, some know what they want... Age, upbringing, goals...all that kind of stuff can play into it.
But again, we can't answer for her. Only she knows what it is she wants or needs...she just needs to express it..

[Elizabeth123]

I agree with sasad ...the only person who knows when the time is right is your friend. It's the couple who need to communicate with each other and social media is NOT the way to develop a true relationship. They need to sit down together and really listen to each other. All the best to them.

[Chris516]

Quite frankly. Even though it was the one person who said they looked like a great couple. She sounds like she wants two things. Maybe his timing is bad. But she seems like she is making excuses about not getting married. While she isn't being entirely honest.

[Ejoriah]

If it is important to her to feel that she can finish her degree and get a job while still being legally single, there is nothing wrong with that, imo.

My now-husband was ready to marry me before I was, but I felt I needed to get to a point where I was financially OK before I could marry him. There are many factors that go into making that decision and a lot of them will depend on your friend's view of marriage. My view of marriage was influenced by my upbringing - my mother was never married and I've had a lot of strong female figures in my life who were either single or strongly independent from their husbands, so that shaped how I viewed things. I needed (and wanted) to do things like get a degree, live by myself, be my own person before I wanted to share it with someone. My husband and I got married in March but it was not my ideal scenario: originally I wanted to get married next year, once I had my masters degree and had turned 26. My husband's parents married young and have always shared everything, so his view of marriage was different than mine. He wanted to get married to me because it was the natural thing to do since he plans on spending the rest of his life with me. I wanted to get married to him, but after I had proved that I could make it on my own.

Some of it may also be because, unfortunately, in this patriarchal society married women are sometimes seen as just being extensions of their husbands, and I really wanted to do it by myself and have a career and an advanced degree.

In a nutshell, I don't think there's anything wrong with her wanting to wait until after she is more established in life. However I do think she needs to communicate this to her boyfriend so that they are both on the same page and understand each other. When we decided to get married in March, I took days mulling it over and wondering if the timing was right, but my husband said "I've been ready to marry you since I proposed, I was just waiting for you to get to that place." It was really nice to know he was understanding and supportive of my choices.

[Desmond]

You should also ask her to keep in mind that the concept and institution of marriage is not so serious to some. It sounds like it does mean a lot to your friend, so she may not want to get married until she feels ready and committed to the idea.

Perhaps could have a conversation with her partner to understand if marriage is a huge step in their relationship for him, or just something people do and undo sometimes.