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First LDR fight

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    #1

    First LDR fight

    So my girlfriend and I had our first fight. I don't know what to do or what to say to make it better because I cant see her and sit down and talk with her...
    It was a fight over her being online but not talking to me when she can...

    I asked her and she does have limited wifi and such but she also said something that hit me a little bit " When I do get wifi I'm going to check the news and talk to my family as my first things" where I felt unimportant or not added...

    How should I be feeling about this?
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    #2
    Sorry to hear this.

    Perhaps it's a matter of miscommunication? Sometimes things online come off differently than if they were said in person. Alas, a distinct disadvantage when non verbal communication is limited.

    It might be best to settle this with an actual phone call. It would help clear things up. Best of luck!

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      #3
      Well, how DO you feel about this? You want to be a priority in her life, that's absolutely understandable. At the same time, it's not unreasonable that she wants to do things online that aren't all about you, and especially if internet access is limited, she'll want to try to get a bunch of things done.

      I'd say don't weigh what you two said while arguing so heavily - It's not exactly a great situation to have an honestly, calm talk, you know? Better adress it again, but more calmly and openminded. Tell her how what she said made you feel, but that you want to give her the space she needs, too. Relationships are all about communication and mutual compromising, and so having a proper talk about this should help a lot.

      ~
      It'll take a lot more than words and guns
      A whole lot more than riches and muscle
      The hands of the many must join as one
      And together we'll cross the river

      Comment

        #4
        Truthfully shes very difficult to talk to and I'm afraid I've pissed her off quite a fair amount. Truthfully when she said the first things she does when she gets internet access is talk to her family ( understandable) get updated on the going abouts in the world and me being an option if she gets to it sort of hurt. well it hurt a lot. It made me feel like I was unimportant.

        Comment

          #5
          As said, you're not going to sort it out unless you both agree to talk about it calmly and with an open mind. You need to be open to her needs, and she needs to be open to yours.

          ~
          It'll take a lot more than words and guns
          A whole lot more than riches and muscle
          The hands of the many must join as one
          And together we'll cross the river

          Comment

            #6
            Maybe, just maybe she wants to talk with you when she has more free time, she is more relaxed etc. I value my SO very much and our precious time but I prefer talking to him when I am at home, alone and with no distractions. I think of it as our quality time. On the other hand I always keep updated during the day regarding the news and call my parents, even just to say hello. I don't think it means something for my feelings towards him.

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              #7
              It sounds like a matter of bad wording on her part. She was simply trying to describe her habits; like many people, she is interested in checking the news. She talks to her family, who she has known for much longer time than you. Did you ever consider she does these things first to get them off her mind and free herself mentally to talk to you?

              I often see SO online and he does not contact me. I think it is great that he enjoys himself doing whatever, he doesnt have to talk to me all the time. Also I know sometimes he is listed as logged in on Facebook but he doesn't really have the time to talk to me because of his job. I have tried to push for him to get to me "first thing" - it doesn't work. All that does it making sure I get a grumpy person on Skype who has not been alowed to have his personal space and his time to relax.

              If you shift focus from "I feel ignored" to "I would like to know you think of me as important, how can we make that happen", you can work on solving this issue together.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                Yep, it was probs bad wording - online comms are much harder than in person! Address the issue with her.

                Comment

                  #9
                  she broke up with me.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Sorry to hear this.

                    Comment

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