Do you share visit costs?

[Jelly11]

Pretty basic question. I'd like to know how you handle this.

It is expected that I will always visit him which doesn't bother me because I live with my parents and have lots of vacation time. He doesn't. It makes sense.

Last time he was insistent on splitting the cost (£200) and I was politely declining but was like okay. He said as far as he is concerned it is a mutual visit. He never actually brought it up again so I ended up paying.

This next time I'm feeling the split should actually be enforced. He earns nearly three times as much money as me. I feel it is fair...Surely it's a reasonable thing to ask, no? I don't know why I feel so bad bringing it up.

[R&R]

Because my SO owns his own business and doesn't have a consistent income, it makes it difficult for us sometimes. My first few visits, I paid for the flight and he handled everything else. When he came to visit me, he handled the flight and I took care of everything else. (Including treating him to a fresh seafood dinner where his portion of the bill ran almost $100 lol.) The last couple of times I've visited, I've handled most of it because business was slow and he had bills that must be paid first.

It's going to be whatever works best for you. If he wants to split the bill with you, then why not? And before your next visit, you can just tell him you were thinking about the offer from last time and you think it's a good idea to split the costs. This is your SO - you should be able to discuss things with him.

[Miasmata]

It all comes down to both partners' financial abilities. It's unfair to make someone foot the entire bill who can't easily afford it. If you want to trust each other and be there to each other, unfun subjects like money have to be brought up sooner or later. It's not like you are asking to make a joint bank account or anything, you are simply concerned about a very legitimate thing that every relationship, no matter if LD or CD, will face at some point. Talk to him about it!

[Jelly11]

Thanks for the replies. Interesting to hear. I mean I wouldn't mind as much if he was gonna visit here and so that would be his cost but I try to visit regularly. Once a month. I can't afford £200 a month on my salary to be honest. Yet we could both afford £100. Looks like I'll have to bite the bullet and bring it up!!

[JeanJean]

With my SO I always go visit him and pay the travel expenses. He however does not allow me to pay for anything when I am there, It works out. I also have a CC which I use and once I accumulate enough miles I travel on those.

[WarwickGuy]

Thanks for the replies. Interesting to hear. I mean I wouldn't mind as much if he was gonna visit here and so that would be his cost but I try to visit regularly. Once a month. I can't afford £200 a month on my salary to be honest. Yet we could both afford £100. Looks like I'll have to bite the bullet and bring it up!!

£200 is a lot if you're paying that once a month, so if you have concerns, then it's fair to bring it up if the visiting is one sided and you're still contributing when you're visiting too.

In my previous situation (when I was in a medium distance in this relationship), I would visit almost every weekend and those costs built up, while it cost her less in travel as she visited me a lot less frequently. However, when I was at hers she would pay for groceries (and the occasional takeaway) to feed us, so it felt more equal and I wouldn't have thought of asking her to contribute to my train ticket.

[TaraMarie]

In the beginning I paid my own flights and he paid for everything else. When I couldn't afford to do it, he helped and bought some tickets. We are now in a different place and much better off financially. Plus we live together but he still works in NY so he flies home on Friday night and back on Monday morning. Now he usually pays for his flight plus everything we do when he gets here, plus pays for all of my groceries and even a cleaning lady for me weekly (I feel so spoiled). However, there are times when I will unexpectedly book flights for him because I know how much money he does spend when he is here. I also like to surprise him with trips I've planned and paid for (one is coming up in a week). In our case I am supporting two children and he supports only himself and makes twice what I make so he certainly does more, but I like to contribute as well. I think when you are in an ldr both people should contribute if you are that dedicated to seeing each other. It shouldn't be solely one persons responsibility.

[differentcountries]

If he can afford it, it is entirely reasonable that he should share the costs of your visits. Perhaps he can pay every other ticket, or he can send you money to cover half.

We do it so that I pay 70-90 % of our expenses, for the simple reason that I earn so much more money than he does (I am educated and there is a big difference in income levels between our contries). I also have a flexible job and can take out holiday time, wheras he cant even get a day off in season. We used to rent together (monthly visits and also spent all summer there) and then we split it so that I payed the rent and he payed gas, internet, repairs etc.

[QueenD]

So far, we are mostly funding our own personal travel, with some things shared. I've visited him twice and he has visited me once. We have always paid for our own flights so far. When I go there, I stay with him and tend to buy groceries that I want and we will take turns paying if we go out to eat. When he comes here, same story on food and he splits time staying some with me and some with his parents. I make a lot more money than him, and I think he loves it that we take turns because his last girlfriend made a bit less than him and always expected him to pay for everything.

[Elizabeth123]

I've paid for my own travel expenses. When I'm with my now husband he pays for food, etc. I will cover smaller expenses and then restock his pantry before I leave. He lets me use his car during my stay and I pay for gas.

[neddrick98]

I think it usually comes down to who can afford it. During our distance I was a student but I had a nice-sized loan; he was working a peanuts job that sometimes didn't even pay out. I paid most trips. The only time he paid was for the first trip, when his family actually sold land to pay for it. It felt like proof that he was really in it for me, and not just to get to see another country on somebody else's tab, so I was happy to pay after that!