Should I end this?

[paranoid?]

Would love some feedback from anyone. My girlfriend and I have been together 2 years, but have know each other for 15 years through a family member. We finally got together and have been going back and forth the 1000 miles every 2 to 3 weeks, with a few exceptions. However, I had concerns soon into the relationship based on some behavior I found questionable. I will bullet point the items in chronological order. It hasn't been the one thing, but the weight of all it over the two years. She thinks I am overly sensitive and insecure for questing her behavior, which in some cases may be true, but when I try to digest as a collective it frustrates me and leaves me with doubt. She has a zero filter and can be very impulsive in gestures and touching. When I bring it to her attention she usually blows it off or changes the subject. Here are some of the issues.

Has a long history of hanging out with mostly guys, although she says this stopped soon after we got together.

History as a party girl.

Talks about how much she loves sex.

Always talking about ex-boyfriends, has discontinued recently.

Talked about getting hit on at grocery store and asked out on dates.

Inappropriate comments concerning sex to relatively unknown people.

Told me she had an affair with a married man before we got together, didn’t seem remorseful.

Talking about an ex-boyfriend’s penis being too small with another guy in front of me. Guess it could be worse, but still seems inappropriate.

Talk to guys about her breast size and thinks, no big deal.

Took her to a party recently and she started Rubbing her own breasts while
standing behind me and smiling at a friend. Later when I told the friend we had to go he said, “you can go, but you should let her stay.

Has alcohol blackouts, can’t remember having sex with me, or so she says, as well as other conversations.

Works in a male dominated profession.

She has a wonderful side too, but items like listed above seem to come up a lot. I think I am pretty secure in relationships but dealing with these issues and being 1000 miles away leaves me wondering. I think, my goodness, if she acts like this in front of me what must she be doing when I am not around. We are both older, mid 50's, so it is not a young immature issue. I guess my concern is the amount of alcohol, inappropriate behavior, male dominated surroundings, etc, just seems like a ticking time bomb. Also, the amount of money it takes to keep the relationship alive can be draining, especially when I carry these negative feelings around.

So, am I being too insecure in question the relationship? Any feedback would be nice, something other than, "Run", "Seriously, are you a moron", etc.

Thank you

[Honour]

You aren't too insecure. You have a right to be concerned. The fact that she's doing/done all these things and, according to you, has a "zero filter..." to me that raises some serious concerns. And the fact she's not interested in talking to you about it shows she either doesn't realise/doesn't know how potentially damaging her provocative behaviour is, or just doesn't care. You need to be assertive with her, you have to be firm, and try and talk to her about this. I know what you said, but without communication with her about your concerns (which I do think are well placed) your relationship is going to spiral in the wrong way. You need to tell her exactly how you feel because it's not fair how she's treating you. She should be respectful of the fact she's in a committed relationship with you, not flaunting to get attention elsewhere, and it's completely not-ok for someone her age to be acting this way when she should know better.

[differentcountries]

So, I:

Like to party
Enjoy sex if I am not sick
Not afraid to discuss my exes if need be
Am attractive enough to get hit on pretty regularily. So is SO. Sometimes we share those experiences, sometimes not.
Am known to be able to talk about almost anything with practically strangers, including sex. Which is why I am good at my job, I guess. I can connect with just about anyone pretty fast.
Dating a married man sounds dogy, have you asked her what happened? How did it end?
Seems like she is angry at her ex. Doubt there was anything wrong with him reated to his body. Troubels with exes are hard to voice. My ex too complained about our sex life, when in reality everything else was the problem.
I will talk to anyone about my breast size. Well, perhaps not the Pope.
She sounds flirty. Perhaps too much so, perhaps not. She seeks attention from people a lot, a bit restless maybe? And drinkes too much; how often? Once a year? Every weekend?
My closest coworker is a guy. We work from his private flat, alone, and go on work trips together.

My initial idea is that she and you need to have a talk about boundries. I am not sure what "zero filter" means, but you seem upset with her impulsivity. I suggest bringing up these themes not in a situation, but in general.

[Ejoriah]

A lot of her behavior isn't questionable or bad to me. I don't think there is anything wrong with liking to party, talking about sex, etc. For me personally the only issues would be the touching her breasts and the blacking out from alcohol. However, it doesn't matter what I think, because it is clear that for you those things are a problem. I agree that you need to talk about boundaries, but it seems that whenever you've tried bringing it up she blows you off? Maybe she gets defensive because of the way you bring it up. No one wants to feel judged or attacked, so maybe the context and manner in which you bring up these issues can be improved.

If you've done your best to calmly express your opinions and feelings and she's still blowing you off, I think that yes, you should end it. Not because all of her behavior is objectively bad, but because she is unwilling to listen to you and compromise so that you are both emotionally fulfilled.

[sasad]

Agree with Honour...
I am your age, and seriously would do not act like a party girl anymore.
She sounds pretty insecure to me tbh.
Always commenting about sex or her body and basically looking for approval. Who doesn't get hit on ? That is ok.. That happens and probably always will. I get hit on a lot, but don't flaunt that fact to my SO.. what's the point unless I feel threatened. Fondling myself in front of his friends? Um no. I have more class then that.
The blackout drinking is scary. That she doesn't remember sex with you either? Big concern for sure. If she's out partying, who knows who she may end up with is what it seems like or what she may pick up and pass to you.

Again, it seems like its insecurity or anger with her. You need to decide your boundaries and what is acceptable to you. Then talk to her about it and come to a compromise.

[WarwickGuy]

Yeah, just to reinforce what others have said, it's important that you talk and set boundaries, as you're obviously not comfortable with what you've listed.

I'm not going to say what I think those boundaries should be, with the exception of the blackout. From hearing others experiences, both male and female, it has the potential to be very damaging to a person and one must learn self-control with alcohol if you know you're pushing yourself to the point that you experience it more than a couple of times.