What to do when there seems to be no possible way to close the distance?

[Jelly11]

Only been with SO for three months now, so pre-emptively thinking I suppose. I'm 24, he's 25.

We have fantastic times together. Truly amazing. The time apart is hard though. We have only spoken about the distance once and we ended the convo on just seeing what happens for now, rather than needing a detailed plan.

However, the more I think of it, the more I realise...I truly do not know how we can close the distance in the long term. This scares me, because surely if it can't be closed then there is only one answer - to call it off. This would be a true shame because I've never felt this level of compatibility with anyone before. It's not something I take lightly, nor do I want to waste it.

I would quite happily move in the close future. It's something I want to do anyway. I don't speak the language of his country though so I'd be totally unemployable. He has a really good career and I'm not sure he could transfer it over so easy.

People always say "where there's a will, there's a way", and I think I used to naively think that feelings would overcome obstacles if they were strong enough, but these days it just feels totally hopeless when I think about it with my head and not my heart.

Has anyone else found themselves in a situation that looks futile? Any advice?

[Ejoriah]

If you don't speak the language of his country, couldn't you learn it? Start learning now, get him to help, and then think about moving? Also I don't know what country he is in but there are many countries where you can get by on "just" English, although of course it would be more desirable to know the local language as well.

[hmrambling]

Uncertainty can be scary. I've learned that there is a difference between a real fear and an imagined fear.

I took time to get to know my partner and I learned that we are both interested in moving together, however the process was not an overnight one. Getting to know the other person is critical because I need to be able to see both intentions and actions. If actions are aimed toward moving together, then there is a great likelihood that we will be moving together.

On the other hand, there is such a thing as being geographically unavailable, meaning that some people enter into long distance relationships because they are not really available to the other person. They may be unwilling to move or simply don't want to invest a great deal into a relationship, and a long distance relationship is a way to have a relationship while keeping the other person at arm's distance. Some people will never move.

IMHO, 3 months may be too soon to know. I would focus on getting to know the other person, and look at their actions. I wouldn't be worried just yet about moving and settling down... but I would be taking the time to learn what their motives are.

[C.C.]

What gets in the way of learning the language? Both me and my SO speak two of the hardest languages and both of us are still willing to try and actually learn it too?

I don't think love can solve any obstacles, but strong resolve and a lot of effort can. No long distance couple is in an easy situation, however a lot of them still make it work. I think you are worrying too much beforehand. What if he'll love you so much that, for instance, he'll decide to leave his career behind?
And even if that is not realistic and neither are any close future ones. Is it really fair to him or yourself to end this because of uncertainty? If you don't see a way there yet, doesn't mean there won't be any in the future either.
I don't think it's right to give up on something that beautiful, just because you are afraid, I'd rather have something like that for a shorter amount of timr, rather than not try at all.

Though it's up to you and you are you. But don't disregard future possibilities at least even if you don't see the ending in sight right now. And maybe talk about it with your SO first before you make any decisions.
Best of luck :3

[Jelly11]

Thanks for all the replies

I have been learning the language for the past month. Of course, it takes time though! I'm not very good at learning languages either. But I'm certainly trying. Everyone Sweden speaking fluent English, so that's not a problem in itself but it's still pretty much impossible to get a job there with no Swedish (my research tells me).

I know three months in is a bit soon to think about all this. I guess I am scared, yeah. I have a tendency to think about the future a lot so trying not to is really difficult for me!

And hmrambling, I know what you mean about being "geographically unavailable". I don't get the impression that is how he is though. He certainly didn't choose long distance on purpose.

But thanks guys, I'll try and be patient and...wait it out (those words are so not what I'm used to hahahah ).

[C.C.]

Oh I listened to Swedish alphabet once and its sounds were alien to me
But then when I wondered why did an English speaker guy (random internet stuff) decide to learn Swedish instead of Finnish, he told me that English is quite close to Swedish, vocabulary-wise, etc.

So I suppose, it shouldn't be as hard. Anyway, stay strong and keep trying your best :3

[Jelly11]

Oh I listened to Swedish alphabet once and its sounds were alien to me
But then when I wondered why did an English speaker guy (random internet stuff) decide to learn Swedish instead of Finnish, he told me that English is quite close to Swedish, vocabulary-wise, etc.

So I suppose, it shouldn't be as hard. Anyway, stay strong and keep trying your best :3

Yeah, it's in the lowest band for difficulty according to some big list that's been made, along with the other obvious ones such as French, Spanish, etc.

Finnish is supposed to be super difficult to master!!

Thanks

[C.C.]

Finnish is supposed to be super difficult to master!!

Thanks

Oh, forgot to mention there, that guy had started learning it because he had a Swedish speaker Finn girlfriend. Though they speak mainly in Swedish, I still thought it'd make more sense to learn the language of a country itself.
You are welcome :3