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    #1

    Friends and her..

    Hello all,

    I am really confused what to do, we recently had a small argument over me going to meet my friends and she had canceled her plans to stay and play with me. She kept insisting that I should go even though I told her that I would cancel my plans. So I went, the other day we talked it through, I told her that I understand that she has friends and I have friends too and I didn't want her not to go out with her friends even though when she told me 'cause we don't play together as much as we want to due to our time differences. She even told me that she was getting closer to me. I know we're not in a relationship at the moment as she cannot for the time being. My question is I don't want to lose my friends but I don't want to lose her either, what should I do? :/
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    • “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” — Helen Keller
    • “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”
    • “Distance means so little when someone means so much.”
    Tags: None
    #2
    In any relationship, close distance or long distance, it is important to maintain friendships outside the relationship. You should continue your own interests and spend time with friends.

    For some people, especially when there is a time difference, it is easier to set specific times that they will get together for Skype, gaming, talks, etc. This way they have planned ahead time for each other and know that they still have plenty of time to spend with friends or doing things for themselves.
    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

    Comment

      #3
      Originally posted by R&R View Post
      In any relationship, close distance or long distance, it is important to maintain friendships outside the relationship. You should continue your own interests and spend time with friends.

      For some people, especially when there is a time difference, it is easier to set specific times that they will get together for Skype, gaming, talks, etc. This way they have planned ahead time for each other and know that they still have plenty of time to spend with friends or doing things for themselves.
      Yeah I'm trying so hard to keep her happy and maintain a good balance between my friends and her.. It kinda seems its not enough for her.
      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      • “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” — Helen Keller
      • “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”
      • “Distance means so little when someone means so much.”

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by Metjuw View Post
        Yeah I'm trying so hard to keep her happy and maintain a good balance between my friends and her.. It kinda seems its not enough for her.
        She has to realize that she also has to maintain her own life and friends. It's not your fault that you already had plans with friends and she decided to put her night on hold for you without the two of you planning it in advance. That was her choice and decision and you shouldn't drop your plans because she all of a sudden decided she wanted an evening with you.

        You two are just friends right now. If she feels like she isn't getting enough, then she should be willing to work with you at planning specific times that are dedicated to the two of you.
        To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

        ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by R&R View Post
          She has to realize that she also has to maintain her own life and friends. It's not your fault that you already had plans with friends and she decided to put her night on hold for you without the two of you planning it in advance. That was her choice and decision and you shouldn't drop your plans because she all of a sudden decided she wanted an evening with you.

          You two are just friends right now. If she feels like she isn't getting enough, then she should be willing to work with you at planning specific times that are dedicated to the two of you.
          I understand and the thing is when she makes plans and goes out for dinner and I stay at home 'cause I don't have plans, I don't tell her anything.. We have like 6 hours apart 'cause she's from the US and I live in the middle of the Europe. So when I go out in the evening it would still be afternoon for her and I only take like 2 hours and after I go home we would play again and it's not like we don't message each other when I'm out or when she's out.. I really don't know why she is treating me like that.. Another thing which she told me when I told her that I need to go out with my friends is that she is go out even less when she said that she is getting closer to me.. We don't usually plan our time ahead 'cause it's difficult for both of us especially I don't know what's going to happen when I start my new job in like 2 weeks time due to my hours and the fact that I'll won't be able to use my cell phone. :o
          ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
          • “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” — Helen Keller
          • “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”
          • “Distance means so little when someone means so much.”

          Comment

            #6
            She can make choices for her life but that doesn't mean you have to do the same if you don't feel the same way. Relationships, even friendships, require both parties to work together. I plan when I spend time with my friends - I don't expect them to just drop what they are doing to spend time with me. It's respectful to the other person. No one should want or expect to take up all of your free time.

            There are a lot of people on here that deal with being in different time zones and different countries. A lot of them will tell you that they have to schedule time because of the time zones, jobs, family, etc. Both parties have to give a little and compromise.
            To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

            ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

            Comment

              #7
              There is a lot of effort going around for you to not be in a relationship. It sounds to me like you are in a relationship for all the effort you put in.

              Generally, with time differences, differences in work scedules and so on, in addition to studies, friends etc. there will never be a perfect match. My SO wakes up when I am at work and stops working after I go to sleep. He usually manages to send me a few texts during the day, sometimes he manages to leave while I am stil awake, sometimes I postpone sleep to talkt to him, but it is not ideal at all. We have to do it like this this season because he needs the money. I also have to work a lot not because I started a new job 1 month ago. Things are not ideal. But we make them work.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by R&R View Post
                She can make choices for her life but that doesn't mean you have to do the same if you don't feel the same way. Relationships, even friendships, require both parties to work together. I plan when I spend time with my friends - I don't expect them to just drop what they are doing to spend time with me. It's respectful to the other person. No one should want or expect to take up all of your free time.

                There are a lot of people on here that deal with being in different time zones and different countries. A lot of them will tell you that they have to schedule time because of the time zones, jobs, family, etc. Both parties have to give a little and compromise.
                It's not that I don't want to drop everything just to spend time with her, 'cause I would do that but the thing is I've lost friends, gained friends and finding good friends is really hard and I know that from experience I don't want to end up with no friends, imagine if she finds someone close to where she lives 'cause that's what she wants, I end up with nothing, without her, without my friends, I'll just be all alone and I don't want that to happen. I'll try to talk her about this situation regarding the planning of time.

                Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                There is a lot of effort going around for you to not be in a relationship. It sounds to me like you are in a relationship for all the effort you put in.

                Generally, with time differences, differences in work scedules and so on, in addition to studies, friends etc. there will never be a perfect match. My SO wakes up when I am at work and stops working after I go to sleep. He usually manages to send me a few texts during the day, sometimes he manages to leave while I am stil awake, sometimes I postpone sleep to talkt to him, but it is not ideal at all. We have to do it like this this season because he needs the money. I also have to work a lot not because I started a new job 1 month ago. Things are not ideal. But we make them work.
                I'm trying to put in as much effort as I can to make her feel as if I'm close to her as much as possible even though we're just friends for now, but she told me that she would love to be with me. The same goes here when she's sleeping I was at work or awake and when she's working I would generally be awake as well and we get plenty of time to talk to each other.
                Last edited by Metjuw; July 4, 2016, 12:55 PM.
                ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                • “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” — Helen Keller
                • “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”
                • “Distance means so little when someone means so much.”

                Comment

                  #9
                  It's wrong to cancel your plans with your friends for your SO and then expect for them to do the same, when there were no plans beforehand whatsoever.
                  Planning is the only key here. You need to plan things, while ALSO considering irl life. And build your hanging out with friends time on it as well.
                  I mean, if you meet your friends at a certain time that can't be changed, then you need to build your ldr schedule on it. However if you have planned a certain event with your SO already and then your friends are asking you when you are free, you shouldn't sacrifice your time with your SO in my opinion.

                  Seriously, I never thought I was the type of person who'd want to plan everything beforehand. But ldr asks that of us. I plan activities and heck, I am even seriously thinking about his visit, which will happen in a YEAR, and things we could do together and places we could go to.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I lurked in chat and I think setting her expectations high (even if it was unintentionally) and then disappointing her might be a huge factor to her feeling that way.
                    It doesn't justify anything but it's more understandable that way. It probably affected her mood and as much as her actions are an exaggerated reaction, the whole event comes down to communication failure.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by C.C. View Post
                      I lurked in chat and I think setting her expectations high (even if it was unintentionally) and then disappointing her might be a huge factor to her feeling that way.
                      It doesn't justify anything but it's more understandable that way. It probably affected her mood and as much as her actions are an exaggerated reaction, the whole event comes down to communication failure.
                      Yeah I thought so too even though I didn't try to do it intentionally. I didn't know she canceled her plans for me in the first place so when she told me I was like "what am I going to do"! :o My friend told me at the last minute before she told me, was kind put in an awkward position and knowing my friends they would want me to go or else my friend who phoned me up starts asking me why I'm not going and he knows that I'm to talking her and he and the rest of the group kinda dislike the fact that I talk to a girl 'cause for them to get in a relationship with someone over the Internet doesn't work like that. It seems like I'm in a complicated situation..
                      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                      • “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” — Helen Keller
                      • “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”
                      • “Distance means so little when someone means so much.”

                      Comment

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