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**C.C.** · July 9, 2016, 02:41 PM

Originally posted by Jayheyhey View Post

I'll be honest, it's been difficult to go from talking over the phone almost every night to talking over the phone maybe 2-3 times per week. As I mentioned, we do text during the day but he generally takes awhile to answer back. We almost never have an actual conversation over text; he'll tell me he can't call tonight, we can message, then he takes anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour to respond to each text, which makes holding a conversation near impossible. He says the app we use doesn't always notify him of messages (this is something I can confirm as it happens to me as well), but knowing this.. I would think he would check the app a bit more frequently? Idk.

Haven't you thought about changing an app itself? I am a person who always replies everyone as soon as she can (unless I am busy or feeling down), however it's really really hard to keep track of the messages even for me when I am not notified of them. You can't really go and check it every moment, right? And it's not necessarily that he forgets about you or something. It's just hard. Heck me and my SO even have a hard time communicating with phone only and we always prefer using computers for it.

Dave doesn't like talking on the phone when his parents are still awake, even though according to him they know about me, know he came and visited me, and know I'm coming to see him soon. The time difference is 5 hours (he's ahead) so we usually don't end up talking via phone until around midnight his time when his parents have gone to bed. Because of this, if we do get to chat, it's usually only for an hour or so because he's tired. He will also push back our call time to watch a movie or tv show, which in turn makes our conversation shorter as he still goes to bed around the same time.

So what that they know about you? He might not feel comfortable letting them hear whatever you are talking about when you are in a call. Maybe his walls are soundproof or something? Or there might be any other reason why he doesn't like it, maybe they interrupt him or something? Ask him about it~

Dave has had a friend, we'll call him 'John', who has been going through a bit of a tough time. Dave and John have been friends since they were very young, and have an incredibly close friendship. John had broken up with his girlfriend a few months back and has been torn up about it. To the point of obsession. Whenever Dave is with John and texting me, it appears as though ALL John talks about is his ex girlfriend. From my knowledge of the relationship, it's quite toxic and not in the best interest for John to try to rebuild this relationship.

They've also started spending a lot more time together; I've been ditched a few times when a phone call was planned because John 'really wanted him to come over' and so he goes. Dave often spends the night at John's place (he also lives with his parents) because it's more convenient than going back home..

One of my biggest issues is that he'll stay up until 5-6am his time, talking or playing video games or watching movies with John. The other night, when we had a phone call scheduled, John called Dave half drunk telling him he needed him. Dave went to meet John and ended up spending about 3 hours with him. It turns out John just wanted Dave to go drinking with him, and spent hours trying to convince him to go out with him. By the time Dave got home, we spoke for 5 minutes before he went to bed because he was tired. It was about 1 am his time.

You yourself mentioned that the guy has been having a hard time, right? If I am spending time with friends and especially with someone I care about a lot, and ESPECIALLY if they need me and are having a hard time, sorry but I am not gonna divide my time with them on anyone else, even my SO. Though I know my SO would be totally understanding about it as well.
Now there's the thing with how often he does it. You could bring it up maybe, but there's nothing bad in what he does. He's being a friend. And even just drinking with his guy friend might mean a lot for a guy when he's down. And the fact that John talks only about his ex girlfriend means that he's having hard time getting over it and accepting the facts. It's not as easy for him to see it as for you, so he needs a friend, what's bad about that?
You need to accept the fact that he has his friends as well and they are just as important in anyone's life as you. You can ask for more time yes, but you can't really ask him to ditch him either.

When he visited, for the first few days we went to bed together (I had to work and didn't stay up super late, maybe 10-11pm). After about day 4, Dave started staying up until 3-4am on the computer while I slept alone in bed. This bothered me a lot and when I made mention of it, Dave said he couldn't sleep so he would stay up. In turn, this resulted in him waking up around 11am each day.

You know, my SO always goes to sleep really late. And I was pretty weird about it as well until I asked him. And until I heard that he prefers being up till then and sleeping AFTER getting tired, rather than lying in bed for HOURS without falling asleep. He's been having troubles falling asleep since the childhood.
So I don't think your SO would have fun doing it either if he couldn't really sleep. It's not the best thing that he can't be there for you in the morning, but it's how it is and it's the least you should put up with.

We also Skype maybe twice a month. He doesn't like taking pictures of himself, and doesn't seem to understand why I want him to send pictures of himself for me to see. I just want to see him, to try to feel like there's a bit less of a distance or to maybe make it feel more real. I don't really know how to explain this.

He is not obliged to do it though just because you want it. There are many people who are just not photogenic, are shy about their pictures or there might be tons of reasons why he doesn't want to take one. I don't think it should be a deciding factor for anything. I am someone who can take thousands of pictures to show a single person, be it a friend or my SO, but I hate posting pictures publicly and I always feel like the pictures aren't good enough, etc. You can't really expect for him to do it, UNLESS he has no problems with taking pictures and doesn't do it without having any particular reasons.

One more thing, Try to get to know his reasons and actions better. Try to understand things and try to ask him before something starts bothering you. For example, you could hear more about his and John's friendship, or about his parents and you'd understand his behaviours better, probably~ Best of luck~

**sasad** · July 9, 2016, 02:52 PM

Sounds like his life has changed a bit...from living alone, total freedom, to back at the parents. I totally understand not talking as much. Soundproofing won't work and will only point out something he may not want too...
You both are apart. His best bud has no. Gf at the moment. So, they have something in common in a twisted stupid way ( I asked my brother and he said that's how guys think). He still has you, but not with him. So they hang out. I think he friend is relying a bit too much on him imo, and yes, I do see some of that high school drama stuff.

Can you make time and have a skype heart to heart? Tell him how you feel etc and , this is important, come up with a solution that you can both work with. Make sure you do have your time, and he cannot break a once a week date etc..

You know your limits and it's not unreasonable to expect certain behaviors in your relationship.

Hope that helps a bit

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