Newly into LDR after moving, but not having 'labels' makes me uneasy! Help!!

[Ell]

I have recently graduated university, the place I met the most amazing boy! We have been together for 9 months, lived in close proximity to each other and therefore I was able to see him most evenings. We have since moved back to our hometowns which I am lucky enough to say is only around 2 and a half hours away. I feel blessed to have him in my life.

He came to visit me at my home for the weekend after only 11 days apart which really was lovely! Now that he has left though I am distraught and would love advice and guidance who understand what an ldr is like! He is extremely caring, however when he is away from me I think he finds it hard to express his emotions and feelings and sometimes that makes it hard!

My main question is, is does it get easier?

Is there any way I can get him to open up more when were away from each other?

And how do people deal with knowing they won't be able to bridge the gap for a while? As me and my SO are not yet ready to move in together, financially or relationship wise!

Would love to hear your answers!

[R&R]

You are right - 2 1/2 hours isn't bad to be apart. That is close enough to spend weekends together as frequently as you want or can afford to travel to each other.

An LDR has a lot to do with attitude - your attitude and perspective are going to determine alot of how hard or how easy it is. There are people that see each other monthly who have a much harder time dealing with it than some of us who haven't see their SO in a year or more because of how the attitude they choose to have about it. A positive outlook is going to go a long way for you. I'm not saying you won't miss your SO or have tough days but it will be fewer and farther in between.

Not everyone is good at expressing themselves verbally about missing their SO or their feelings. A big part is realizing that everyone handles it differently and just because they don't express themselves the exact same way you do or behave how you do doesn't mean they aren't feeling it any less. My SO isn't very verbal about it. Yes, I get "I love you" every day but it's rare for him to tell me he misses me. However, I know he does by other things that he says. He may say, "I ate at ____ restaurant and they had this ______ that you would really like". So, in his own way, he is telling me he was thinking about me while he was going about his day. That's good enough for me.

It's been a year today since we last saw each other, but that hasn't deterred us or our feelings for each other. We'll get there about closing the distance. Right now, I'm interviewing for a new job. If I get it, I plan on working there at least 9-12 months before I would be comfortable leaving. This puts us further from closing the distance, even though we are getting married in November. You continue to live your lives fully as individuals and work on also growing even further as a couple. Together, if both parties really want it, you can get through it together.

[Ell]

This was such a brilliant response! I really do appreciate everything you said, yesterday was difficult because he had left that day and I felt sorry for myself, but today I've woken up feeling brighter and optimistic.

Reading other people's stories like your own give me so much hope and I feel so lucky to have found a place where others can relate. Friends around me tend to be quite negative about long distance relationships even when it's only 2 and a half hours, so it's refreshing to have people to talk to who know that it can work out!

Your story has really brightened my day, that your love for each other has continued to grow and are getting married! It just shows that love really can thrive despite distance.

Honestly thank you so much for your reply it means a lot, and a huge good luck with the wedding, I hope you have the most amazing day!

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Just thought I'd chime in with a personal antidote. My SO and I met three years ago and dated for 7 months in person before he had to go back to his home country. Going from CD to LD is HARD, but honestly I think it was the best thing for us. This is by far the healthiest relationship I have ever had and I think a huge part of that is because of being LD. You don't have a choice: you have to be independent. You can rely on your partner and grow with them, but you also are constantly growing and changing yourself and you have TONS of time for friends and family. I feel like a lot of CD couples morph into this "___+___" person. Which I mean that's perfectly fine for some people, but I am my own person. I have learned that I don't have to be attached at the hip with my SO all the time and, as much as I enjoy our time together, I cherish my alone time too. Basically what I'm saying is that being LD, as shitty as it is, has been the very best thing for me. We were really young when we started dating (even 21 really is pretty young so I'm sure some of this applies to you too! It definitely still applies to me!), so I had to learn how to be myself while being in a relationship. Being CD has never given me to confidence and independence that being LD has. DON'T LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO TELL YOU OTHERWISE! Being LD can be a very very positive thing if you let it.

With that being said, we are closing the distance in a month and I am beyond thrilled to put the past three years of long distance behind us. As good as it was for myself personally, I am ready to start growing together in a way that we haven't been able to before. There are always pluses and minuses to every arrangement.

Regarding your questions:
My main question is, is does it get easier?---Simple answer is yes. You get used to being LD and not seeing each other every day. There is an adjustment period and it will be hard after EVERY visit, but eventually that hard time will dwindle down from months to days because you love your life with and without your SO and you're excited for whatever plans you have. Do you ever stop missing them? No. But honestly, I learned pretty early on to shut down my emotions and that's how to I deal with being LD. Some people learn how to do that and some people go on aching for their SO forever (soooo much admiration for you people, I never could have survived LD that way!)

Is there any way I can get him to open up more when were away from each other?---I think R&R hit the nail on the head with this one. Just keep working at it and trying in different ways. Encouragement goes a long way and sometimes leading by example helps. If all else fails, don't forget that sometimes something as simple as asking for better communication can help!

And how do people deal with knowing they won't be able to bridge the gap for a while? As me and my SO are not yet ready to move in together, financially or relationship wise!---We just do. My SO and I didn't think we'd be able to close the distance so early. Three years have been a blessing for us. The beauty of your situation is that when you two are ready, you can move. You don't have to worry about visa requirements or anything like that! Just keep plugging along and saving up and savoring every moment that you two have together to build your relationship. You'll close the distance before you know it!