Help! He's not helping to make plans!

[Ell]

Me and my SO have recently moved from each other after 9 months being together, to move back to our hometowns and are now doing long distance (although we are only 2 and a half hours drive, so its really not that bad at all!)

Now here's the problem, I love to make plans and know what I'm doing in advance, whereas my SO isn't really a planner and tends to leave things to the last minute. This was fine when we were living within a 2 minute walk from each other, but now there is distance I want to have concrete plans so that I can know when I will be visiting him/him visiting me and when I can plan girly nights with my friends.

Before we went long distance I suggested we aim to try and see each other every other weekend, that way each of us only had to do one trip to see the other a month. I thought this was a sensible idea and gave us plenty of time for our friends and family as well, however his reply was 'we'll just see what happens'. Of course this disheartened me a bit, because as I've mentioned I like to know what I'm doing, but I left it. Last weekend as planned he came to visit me for the weekend (it took weeks of pre planning to sort it out), we had a lovely time and at the end of our weekend together I asked him when we would next see each other, to which he responded 'I don't know, we'll sort it soon!'

As many of you know its always nice to know when you will next see your SO to have something to look forward to, although I know this isn't always possible. I have broached the question again last night and have got the same 'we'll sort it soon' response. I just worry that something will never get sorted at this rate! And it really does make me feel like he just can't be bothered to see me!

I would love some advice. Has anyone else had this problem? Do I take control and set a date and see what he says? or am I being unfair in wanting him to actually sort something out?

[R&R]

I am a planner and my SO is not. We are a 15-hour drive apart, so when we visit, it has to be planned ahead as it's for a week at a time. It took a little while but he has finally realized, that for us, we do have to make at least some sort of plans. Usually we agree on a date, I set them up and we go from there.

Where you are only 2 1/2 hours apart, it may be much easier for you to compromise. Maybe as simpe as "I was looking to come visit you on ______ weekend. Please let me know by ________ or I am going to make other plans." This way you can plan and you also give him some sort of a deadline to get back to you. Also let him know, "If you are planning to come visit me, let me know by Wednesday or I might have other plans already made."

[Jelly11]

Hell yeah I have this problem. How frustrating is it? I usually feel like such a nag but it gets to a point where I just lay it down and get more forceful with it instead of playing nice. I also use the money card seeing as I pay and the earlier we book the more money I save.

I don't have much advice only that it happens to me and i've seen it a lot on these forums too. I think it's just men? Haha. You gotta just lay it down really instead of waiting for him. If I waited for him I'm 99% sure we would have never met!

[Teacherfairy]

I literally feel like this could have been me talking. I know exactly how you feel. Sadly, my SO lives a 7 hour flight away which meant we needed a plan, so things haven't worked out for us. However, there is definitely more hope for you. You're only a few hours drive so it's certainly workable.

But - please can I recommend not waiting on him to make plans. I did and ended up disappointed and frustrated when it wasn't followed through. This only led to more problems in our relationship. Make your plans and hopefully it will help him to realise that he needs to be a bit lire organised. If it's meant to be, he will start to make the effort x

[differentcountries]

My SO is not a planner at all. However, he sees the wiseness in that amployers, airlines (and in our case, people issuing visas) dont like spontanity. I plan most of the things we do, unles it is something he is better at because he is local and I make most of the trips to him.

Why do you have to travel one time a month each? Is it to split the costs? Or do you want to both see each other's friends and family a lot?

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I am having these frustrations at the moment.

[maybesomeday]

In my case, my SO is the planner and I often say "we'll just see what happens." Only because he likes to plan weeks/months, and even years, ahead and I just wanna take each day at a time. In your case, I can understand the frustration. As one of the other posters said, try "telling" him what plans you've made and give him a chance to let you know if it's suitable for him by a certain point, and if he doesn't then go ahead with your other personal plans. Or you could just straight up ask him "why don't you contribute more to the planning?" and see what he has to say. Even if he generally does things last minute in his life, he could at least make more of an effort in regards to your plans in the relationship.

[arabella]

Hi,
I add myself to the list. Also my SO isn't very much of a planner . Funny, we were also about 2-3 hours apart and saw each other every other weekend(also with the alternating traveling). It did work for us very well the last three years. Also my SO did like that we had some sort of schedule. So there is hope! But honestly: I wouldn't wait for him to come up with a plan, it's just going to be frustrating. If you'd like the see each other every other weekend thing, I would bring that on again and also be quite clear that it is important for you to be able to plan your life a bit.