Parents say we don't match
First of all, I'm old enough and I know I can make decisions for myself and my parents can't really talk me out of anything. It's just I'm very close to them and they met my boyfriend last week (first time I introduced someone to them) and they try to talk me out of dating him, saying we don't match. Of course I want the people I like to like each other, so I'm a bit at a loss here and feeling down about it. I've already made my decision for me, that I want to be with him because he makes me happy. Nobody knows the future, but you can't know if you don't try. I just want to write this down to help me sort my feelings and if anyone has their two cents, I'd be greatful.
Some more details:
My boyfriend looks like a macho yakuza (japanese mafia) guy, because he has this samurai haircut with the sides shaved and the main hair long and he's doing muscle training, so he's all pumped. He also wears kinda flashy clothes. He is no yakuza though, he just looks a bit like one. He's wild at heart (I think he's calmed down though since he's 30 now and was a rebel when he was younger). He went to a technical school and learned to be a fitness trainer, but didn't get a job as one, so he worked different jobs and it wasn't always easy to get around. He also tried to become a pro kickboxer which he gave up on at 24. Now he's finally earning enough to get around selling clothes at a store (he retrained and got some additional licenses and is aiming to get a better position at the company, since it's a small clothes chain store). I on the other hand will graduate my master next month and be hopefully able to join a good company and move to Japan. I've been planning to do that even before I met him, so it just fits well that he's were I want to move.
Last week, he was in Germany to visit me, but also mainly to see my parents and show them he's a good guy, because my mom is worried about me moving to another country and being with a man she's never met. We stayed 3 days at my parents house (the rest of the time he was in my apartment) and now my mom is even more worried. She says he's not right for me. We're not on the same level intellecutally, but this judgement is mostly based on his job ("he can't provide for you with his salary" which I think is stupid, because he works hard and I think he can do better and I will also earn money for us) and his behavior at my parents house. He is wild, like I said, so in other words, he is messy and my mom hates messy people. He didn't want to act as a guest or stranger or make a show for them, but show them his true side. She complained about his table manners (partly can't be helped, he's not used to European food and fork and knife for example, partly I understand, but wouldn't make a fuss about it.), complained about how messy he is (leaving clothes on the floor or walking around with wet feet in the bathroom, things I'lll have to deal with if they would bother me, lol, that's not even of her business) and complained about him cuddling up to me on the couch or at the table after dinner, after saying to me it's okay when we were in the situation ("he always sleeps and is always at your side, like you're having a pet or a stuffed animal" "he is 30 but doesn't act like a 30 year old guy") She said I won't be able to bring her anywhere like a business dinner or something because he can't behave even though he is a 30 year old guy and I won't get him to change his behavior easily. I told my boyfriend what she said and he said a business dinner would be complete different situation. Business world is all about lying and making good impression, while with family he wanted to just be himself and didn't want to lie to them, but because of this we now have this situation. My boyfriend is very loving and honest and would never hurt someone unless they hurt me. We both don't want luxury, but a solid salary to not have financial concerns and a simple life with occassional travels and having pets in a somewhat decent apartment, that's all.
I'm the youngest in the family, my mom is overprotective of me. She's always there for me and we are pretty close even though we don't always share the same view on life. I've never gone against what my parents said, they also let me study what I wanted even though they knew it might lead to me going to Japan for longer. My parents are divorced and my mom remarried the greatest guy, he's smart and always calm about everything he says. He has a very composed view on everything, but he is also worried about me this time (even though his reasoning is better than my mom's), which bothers me a lot, because I know I can trust his judgement. However my judgement is more important to me. My real dad also met my boyfriend this week, but he didn't say anything about him yet (I need to call him). My sister is a big problem, since she is one of the reasons my mom worries about me so much. She is 15 years older than me, married quite young while she and her husband were still in university. She finished, but her husband never finished university and she had to provide for the two for years before she realised a few years ago they don't fit anymore and left him for another guy. She followed the other guy to America where she got cheated on and dumped the bad way and now she's going on too many dates and kind of wasting her money (she's got a good job, so no financial problems, but she's kinda wasteful with money in my opinion). So my mom is always worried about my sister as well even though she's already 40 years old.
My parents also think it's just infatuation, so I'll get over it eventually. He's not even my type, I just love his nature. He's funny, caring, honest and we have the same attitude towards life. All things that are important to me. I'm truly happy even if we just talk. He doesn't want my money, nor just wants sex. He's a great guy in many ways. He's not jealous, he trusts me, I trust him, he shows feelings (he cried at the airport before I could), is reliable and can protect me.
Sorry about the long post, but I had to give some more details to make the situation clear. Thanks for reading.
Some more details:
My boyfriend looks like a macho yakuza (japanese mafia) guy, because he has this samurai haircut with the sides shaved and the main hair long and he's doing muscle training, so he's all pumped. He also wears kinda flashy clothes. He is no yakuza though, he just looks a bit like one. He's wild at heart (I think he's calmed down though since he's 30 now and was a rebel when he was younger). He went to a technical school and learned to be a fitness trainer, but didn't get a job as one, so he worked different jobs and it wasn't always easy to get around. He also tried to become a pro kickboxer which he gave up on at 24. Now he's finally earning enough to get around selling clothes at a store (he retrained and got some additional licenses and is aiming to get a better position at the company, since it's a small clothes chain store). I on the other hand will graduate my master next month and be hopefully able to join a good company and move to Japan. I've been planning to do that even before I met him, so it just fits well that he's were I want to move.
Last week, he was in Germany to visit me, but also mainly to see my parents and show them he's a good guy, because my mom is worried about me moving to another country and being with a man she's never met. We stayed 3 days at my parents house (the rest of the time he was in my apartment) and now my mom is even more worried. She says he's not right for me. We're not on the same level intellecutally, but this judgement is mostly based on his job ("he can't provide for you with his salary" which I think is stupid, because he works hard and I think he can do better and I will also earn money for us) and his behavior at my parents house. He is wild, like I said, so in other words, he is messy and my mom hates messy people. He didn't want to act as a guest or stranger or make a show for them, but show them his true side. She complained about his table manners (partly can't be helped, he's not used to European food and fork and knife for example, partly I understand, but wouldn't make a fuss about it.), complained about how messy he is (leaving clothes on the floor or walking around with wet feet in the bathroom, things I'lll have to deal with if they would bother me, lol, that's not even of her business) and complained about him cuddling up to me on the couch or at the table after dinner, after saying to me it's okay when we were in the situation ("he always sleeps and is always at your side, like you're having a pet or a stuffed animal" "he is 30 but doesn't act like a 30 year old guy") She said I won't be able to bring her anywhere like a business dinner or something because he can't behave even though he is a 30 year old guy and I won't get him to change his behavior easily. I told my boyfriend what she said and he said a business dinner would be complete different situation. Business world is all about lying and making good impression, while with family he wanted to just be himself and didn't want to lie to them, but because of this we now have this situation. My boyfriend is very loving and honest and would never hurt someone unless they hurt me. We both don't want luxury, but a solid salary to not have financial concerns and a simple life with occassional travels and having pets in a somewhat decent apartment, that's all.
I'm the youngest in the family, my mom is overprotective of me. She's always there for me and we are pretty close even though we don't always share the same view on life. I've never gone against what my parents said, they also let me study what I wanted even though they knew it might lead to me going to Japan for longer. My parents are divorced and my mom remarried the greatest guy, he's smart and always calm about everything he says. He has a very composed view on everything, but he is also worried about me this time (even though his reasoning is better than my mom's), which bothers me a lot, because I know I can trust his judgement. However my judgement is more important to me. My real dad also met my boyfriend this week, but he didn't say anything about him yet (I need to call him). My sister is a big problem, since she is one of the reasons my mom worries about me so much. She is 15 years older than me, married quite young while she and her husband were still in university. She finished, but her husband never finished university and she had to provide for the two for years before she realised a few years ago they don't fit anymore and left him for another guy. She followed the other guy to America where she got cheated on and dumped the bad way and now she's going on too many dates and kind of wasting her money (she's got a good job, so no financial problems, but she's kinda wasteful with money in my opinion). So my mom is always worried about my sister as well even though she's already 40 years old.
My parents also think it's just infatuation, so I'll get over it eventually. He's not even my type, I just love his nature. He's funny, caring, honest and we have the same attitude towards life. All things that are important to me. I'm truly happy even if we just talk. He doesn't want my money, nor just wants sex. He's a great guy in many ways. He's not jealous, he trusts me, I trust him, he shows feelings (he cried at the airport before I could), is reliable and can protect me.
Sorry about the long post, but I had to give some more details to make the situation clear. Thanks for reading.
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