Feeling very pissed off

[Lost77]

I'll try to keep this brief sans swears....

My SO and I were pregnant, we had a plan for him to move here for a year not only because of the baby but because we'd Finally be over the distance. Well long story short I lost the baby. Soooo here we are ...... because of shit other people (his friends and family) said he up and changed his mind without really discussing it with me...he went almost two days without talking to me because he was talking to other people and "thinking"

Well anytime we have ever had any kind of disagreement or discussion we've said No more ignoring each other...(ive done it to because of my past)

Well hes been harping a bit on me about packing up and moving there...which has always been the plan however because of all the shit ive been through this last few months i have not had a job So packing up and moving is not fesiable right now...

He doesnt understand my point of view on that whole topic...
So today i told him i cannot move right now, i cannot afford too...well he gave me a little attitude and hasnt spoken to me since....its like 😡😡😡😡. Why the hell can he talk to everyone else when he's pissed about our issues or in general but me....i lay here tossing and turning and get no flipping response.

He absolutely HATES if I am mad or upset and don't say anything so why does he continue to do so when he knows it upsets me? We're both in agreement about not shutting eachother out and yet once again here we are. I am so mad right now I could spit nails

[xxcazaxx]

Sorry to hear of your loss! Perhaps you are both still grieving. He may be feeling so upset and not want to add that upset on to you when he knows that you will be hurting too.

[Katy_G]

Sorry to hear about losing your baby.

As has been said, there's grief and confusion to work through. Perhaps waiting till you are both in an amenable mood would be best before broaching any discussion

[whatruckus]

Honestly, it seems like he's going through a lot of grief and instead of talking about it, he's shutting down. He might say that he's talking to other people and thinking, but that also might not be true.

If he's going to act like this, it's best to give him space, even thought I know it's hard and you need him and his support right now. Is there anyone else you could talk to? Friends, family...etc? What you've gone through is a traumatic experience, not just on your body, but also emotionally and mentally. I can't imagine going through something like that, and I'm extremely sorry that this happened to you.

Also, maybe remind him that he's not the only one who's grieving and him shutting you out isn't helping. You guys should really be working through this together, not separately. Also, including other people in your relationship issues isn't very smart either. If he has a problem with something involving you or your relationship, he should be coming to you to talk about it. No one else is going to understand.

[hmrambling]

because of shit other people (his friends and family) said he up and changed his mind without really discussing it with me.

If he is a grown man, then he is able to make up his mind after gathering information, therefore whatever decision he makes is not the fault of other people - he is responsible for changing his mind, not other people. Other people may influence his decisions, but he is ultimately responsible for his own decisions. My partner and I had open communication very early on in our relationship that decisions that affect both of us need to be discussed together. Sure, we each individually talk to our own family and friends, but ultimately we need to get together and talk things out.

Do you have a support network where you are? Do you have friends and family there that you can talk to? I imagine that you are going through a grief process, as is he. Anger is part of the grief process. I'm sorry for your loss. I imagine it's a lot to take in, especially in addition to changes to your future plans. Now is probably a good time to focus on self care and look after yourself. I have to take care of myself before I address relationship concerns.