Help with adjusting to an LDR

[slumber-jack]

I have been with my partner for almost 6 months now, we see eachother pretty much everyday and night. we have begun to find that we miss eachother even when we are away for a couple hours, as we find safety and happiness in eachother.
In September, I am going to uni about 5 hours away, leaving my partner in our hometown. I acknowledge that this distance is nothing in comparison to most LDR couples, but it still seems scary. We have talked about this change lots and are both pretty optimistic, and are aware of the potential difficulties and how we need to improve our communication etc.
However, I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to adjust from being with your S/O everyday to once a month/2months?
any tips, or what to expect would be muchly appreciated.
thank you!
george

[QueenD]

You guys are already doing one of the most important things, which is proactively talking about the situation. Kudos to you for that!

There are a couple of main parts of the adjustment that all will want to think about. The first is the emotional adjustment to your person being far away. A lot of people here will advise you to be sure you both are forming your own hobbies, doing things with your friends, and in general not pining away for the other person day and night. All of these things are great advice. The other thing I'd suggest is to own your feelings and be willing to talk to your partner about them. One of the biggest mistakes I made early in my relationship is thinking that I somehow had to be strong and not acknowledge the feelings of missing J and so forth. Once I started naming those feelings and sharing them things actually got better, largely because I realized that he felt the same. Granted, you don't want to be constantly crying and distraught, as you need to develop emotional resilience, but don't sit at home upset and feeling like you can't tell your SO.

The second thing you need to figure out is logistics stuff. There main aspects to this are visits and communication level in between visits. My SO and I have a guideline that we don't end a visit without knowing approximately when we will visit again. Right now, we are trying to go no longer than about 6 weeks between visits, and that honestly feels to long for me sometimes. We do a pretty good job of talking about it so we can work through things. When it comes to communication between visits, I would suggest you talk up front about expectations for how often and when and how you will communicate. Also, I suggest you review those expectations frequently. What seems like a good plan now might not end up working out as well at midterms.

Good luck!

[Katy_G]

Another part of adjustment is learning to share each other's separate lives with one another. Now I don't suggest oversharing and letting your partner know every single detail of your classes, the lull moments, and gossip on your campus. However make an effort to keep each other updated---if there are events that would be a good reason to schedule a visit, concerns you need emotional support on, or simply about how well you're doing. It's also good to let your partner get to know roommates, new friends, classmates or other people important to you in your new situation.

It's good that you two communicate a lot. I hope your trust and bond grows from here. Best of luck!