Am I being selfish?

[curlywave]

In a 4 years relationship (which is my longest relationship ever) I just want to make the sparks alive.
As for me that's included to not make my partner thinks that I change my way of looking at him.
And I do that by still, checking up on him everyday, call him, good morning and things.

However, since about a year and a half ago, he changed his daily job and quite his daily live is effected.
So we kinda "changed" our routine of communicating because of it.
The past few months I feel a bit left behind. Because it 90% he never checked up on me anymore.
No good morning for at the time when he's waking up.
No random text coming if I don't text him.
No goodnight text if I don't text him.
Sometimes when he said that he will call, he will cancel it without letting me know and let me wait for hours.
There's a time also I texted him on FB & WA and he won't open it until 24 hours or more.
And when I ask he will say that he didn't get it. If I ask with a little bit confrontation, he will be the one who's mad.

Indeed it's me who wakes up first, we have 5 hours differences.
I don't know where is it coming from, but since he never text me first anymore I kinda expect him to be the one who text good morning to me.
Because sometimes if I text good morning he won't answer it as well.

I feel like I'm sliding down on his priority list.
Since he's going to use "we'll see" if I ask if he will call or not.

Am I being selfish here?

[LivingInWonderland]

No, I don't believe that you are being selfish at all. It is not wrong to want your significant other to check up on you, message first once in a while, and just make time for you in their lives. Have you tried communicating with him about this? It might help to ask him about it. Communication is really important, in any relationship. He may not even be aware that this bothers you so much. Every individual is different. Some people just don't depend on frequent phone calls and text messages, while others do. It may just be that he doesn't feel the need to connect as frequently. Or he may just be distancing himself for whatever reason. You honestly won't know the real reason behind this, until you talk to him about it.

Best of luck.

[curlywave]

No, I don't believe that you are being selfish at all. It is not wrong to want your significant other to check up on you, message first once in a while, and just make time for you in their lives. Have you tried communicating with him about this? It might help to ask him about it. Communication is really important, in any relationship. He may not even be aware that this bothers you so much. Every individual is different. Some people just don't depend on frequent phone calls and text messages, while others do. It may just be that he doesn't feel the need to connect as frequently. Or he may just be distancing himself for whatever reason. You honestly won't know the real reason behind this, until you talk to him about it.

Best of luck.

Hi there,

I did and still do try to communicate it with him. But sometimes he will thinks I'm complaining even when I keep my tone low.
He surely knows that it bothers me quite a lot since this issue is brought like at once in a month for the past few months.
His answer can be "I can't do anything" sometimes. Well I'm pretty sure that's a lot of things that WE can do.
This is my way to show him that I don't mean to be the one that being satisfied here.

Indeed you're right every single person is different.
Well I guess I'm still used to the idea of the previous him who will call me daily because he wants it and he knows that I'm looking forward for each of it.
Now he's the one cut off our call after 1 hour.
And the call from him is coming like once or twice in 2 weeks, if I don't ask.

[differentcountries]

What is his new job like? Does he work more, or different hours?

[curlywave]

What is his new job like? Does he work more, or different hours?

Well his new job is his previously his own business but wasn't full time.
Now he's completely on his own business.
I totally get it tho.

I gave up our daily video call already, I just hope for a check up or a text from him first sometimes...

[R&R]

Relationships, like anything, are always changing because circumstances are changing. Where someone may have had plenty of time before, their circumstances change and now their time is much more limited.

Running your own business is amazingly time consuming. If you don't work or aren't successul, you don't get paid. My SO owns his own business. Right now, Sundays are the only days he's not out in the field, but Sundays are his day to work on bids, get billing done, etc. He's usually out of the house by 6am and lately has been getting home by 9 or 10. I may get one text during the day and he does try to call me at least for a few minutes on the ride home. When he gets home, he always tells me "I'll call you when I get in and settled" and my response is "Sure you will. Love you and good night'. He gets in, eats and falls asleep. I used to get annoyed that he wouldn't call back but I know how hard he works and just let it slide. It's not that he doesn't want to talk to me, but the poor man is exhausted and I choose to not get upset about it.

Right now, I haven't heard from him since Friday. I have the option of getting upset, stewing, etc or figure he's probably been really busy and is most likely still asleep. I have my own life to live, so I don't let the fact that I haven't heard from him in 24 hours consume me. A lot of things are perspective and how you choose to handle them.