Stuck and lost

[hrmionegrngr]

Hi everyone. My SO and I are going through a tough time. We was supposed to move home in three days, but decided he's not ready. Basically, he's having an emotional breakdown. It's very painful to watch.

I wanted him to come home for a weekend so we could talk, cuddle, and just be together. He made a few excuses about money and taking time off work, both of which are not true reasons, so when I asked him to tell me the truth he said that he "just can't face me" and thinks that if he comes home I'll break up with him for good.

What would you do in this situation?

Thanks

[QueenD]

There's really not enough information in the post to advise you. Can you help us understand a few things?

1) What specifically is the moving situation that you all decided to postpone, and what aspects was he not ready for?
2) How serious is you relationship? Are you guys engaged, married, etc?
3) Can you tell us more about what sort of hard time you each are having? The original post makes it sound like he has cold feet and is afraid you will dump him because of it, but it also sounds like he might be misunderstanding. Are you on the brink of dumping him?

The one thing I will say is that I would encourage your SO to keep giving you real reasons instead of made up reasons if he doesn't want to talk/visit/etc. "I don't feel like talking tonight." Is a legit thing sometimes, especially if someone is stressed. I dealt with that last night myself. "I don't want to come because I'm afraid you'll dump me" can lead to a great conversation about things if handled correctly.

[hrmionegrngr]

We've been together for almost 9 years, but are not engaged or married. He moved across the country two years ago to pursue a dream to become a comedy writer in LA. Our plan was that he was going to spend the two years beefing up his resume, and then he would return to NYC where we would live together. He was supposed to come home in three days, but told me a week ago that he isn't ready. He's also very scared to not move home, because he doesn't want to throw away our future for a dream that he, frankly, hasn't put much effort into (besides moving to LA he hasn't done much).

I think he's experiencing anxiety about his conflicting feelings. I'm having a hard time because I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. We were supposed to live together in a month, and now we don't even know when the next time we'll see each other is. I'm so hurt and frustrated by this entire situation, but I don't want to lose him. If its just another year shouldn't we push through? I don't want to grow old and regret cutting things off. I also don't want one more year to turn into two, three, four... however many more years.

He feels like he can't face me because he knows I'm dealing with my own conflicting feelings, namely, to end things or not. He is so lost and unable to sort his own feelings out. It's very sad.

[Chris516]

Hi everyone. My SO and I are going through a tough time. We was supposed to move home in three days, but decided he's not ready. Basically, he's having an emotional breakdown. It's very painful to watch.

I wanted him to come home for a weekend so we could talk, cuddle, and just be together. He made a few excuses about money and taking time off work, both of which are not true reasons, so when I asked him to tell me the truth he said that he "just can't face me" and thinks that if he comes home I'll break up with him for good.

What would you do in this situation?

Thanks

Fly out there and talk to him.