advice please - she is still living with him

[Phil]

I know... I have personel things I need to tend to.. Ones I have been neglecting while trying to be with her

[Phil]

I miss her already.. We talked and chatted almost every day... She was my life.. Before we started talking I had given up hope in ever being with anyone... She brought me backk to life and now its gone... I need to keep reminding myself of why I did this and we weren't going anywhere anyway

[Phil]

And yes he didnt know about me wich made me wonder if she really wanted to leave him and she turned me down when I said I would help her with her debts so we can be together sooner... And what really showed me that she's not wanting to leave was when she said she didnt want to tell him and hurt him and I said I know the desision is hard but she had to choose... Me and he will be hurt or you stay with him and I be hurt.. It was somehow obvious to me a long time ago that she didnt want to leave him... She would be telling about the things she didnt like about him and I would comment what a lazy POS and she would defend him and make excuses for him like he works all day and is tired when he gets home but I would just drop it cause I shouldnt be saying anything about him anyway but thinking sarcasticly... Wow cause he's the only guy that goes to work so he dont need to do anything when he gets home... The whole time she was saying how little he helps with anything but something changed and he started doing thing and she says he a nice guy and almost brags whenever he does something.. So ya I knew what was going on... I was just waisting my time.. That why I kinda gave her the ultimatum its him or me

[Phil]

My grammer is bad... Sorry

[Chris516]

My grammer is bad... Sorry

No problem

From everything you described. I got the feeling that, in a way. She was taking you for a ride. Since she was already in a relationship.

When my (ex)wife n' I were dating, she started messing around with two other guys. I gave her an ultimatum. Telling her, it was me or them. She chose me.

[sasad]

I really don't like when people seem to know what other people are thinking...We don't know if she was taking you for a ride...
Being in a similar situation being married with kids.. I get it. I am NOT saying its right, but don't assume she is. She never ever took your money to pay off bills. That is a GOOD thing. She may just be torn and in a "comfortable" place or even experiencing the 7 year itch for all we know.

I know it hurts. It will take time to feel better, but you WILL Promise.

[Phil]

After talking she understands how I feel and agrees that the situation is not normal and to thank me for not being an asshole about it

[Phil]

Im second guessing myself... Did I do the right thing or should I keep fighting for her

[Moon]

No, you did the right thing, you can't fight for something that clearly isn't yours. You said the exact things I would have, and if someday in the not too distant future, she becomes truly free, you can try again, if you want. Her marriage might be bad, but she doesn't seem ready to leave, but you were a great diversion, you know? I know it hurts, but you WILL feel better as time goes by. Stay strong, and good luck.

[Phil]

Shes not mine but I want her to be

[Moon]

Shes not mine but I want her to be

C'mon man, you're not a kid, you should know better. There are a lot of things I'd like too, but I'm not going to always get what I want, no matter how badly I want them. Surely you know this situation cannot end well the way it is at the moment. She likes the thrill of you, the excitement of an affair, and perhaps there is more to it even, but not for her, not right now. I'm not sure what you think you're fighting for, she's married to someone else, and until she decides not to be, you're just a fling. Don't be blind, walk away for now, before you find yourself in even worse shape say 6 months down the line.

[differentcountries]

Unless she tells her husband about you, and takes steps towards a future with you, she is just dreaming out loud with you. I remember I used to flirt with a guy who was (sort of) dating another woman (not really a poly situation). I was really in love with him and he was smitten with me. He was like; In a paralell world I see myself dating you. And I was like, well but we dont live in that world. We live in this one, and you are actively choosing to not choose me fully.

[Phil]

I had to be mean and tell her again "him or me" she still wanted to stay so Im done with her... Im even thinking about telling her bf... Its an asshole thing to do but she deserves it

[staruletto]

Don't do that whether she deserves it or not. Just walk away.

[sasad]

Let.it.go.
She wasn't going to choose you ever. If she really wanted to go, she would have taken steps and not a vacation.
Please, don't be the asshat ex ( I suppose you have never met in rl??)