very new to long distance relationships advice please .

[overthinker]

im a single mom , I have been single for about 2 yrs , It has been very hard trying to be a mom and dad and working full time . one day I decided to just put myself out there which is not like me and I made a dating website profile , I received so many weird messages that I decided , im ok with being single I don't feel comfortable with this site and whatever happens happens , I immediately deactivated the account . that night I got a message from this guy , he looked familiar and nice , I looked at his profile saw he lived a few hours away so I quickly turned off the computer and walked away put on a movie , with in a min I was back on and thought why not message him back whats the worst that could happen lol we have talked about 1000 times a week since . we met about 2 weeks after and we quickly fell hard we established we wanted to make a commitment and he drops subtle hints that he would move up here in a heart beat with in the yr . as time goes on tho I find myself having anxiety , its like I want so much to have MORE with him but we are just kind of stuck , if that makes sense . I don't know how to progress things ? we had a tiff this morning basically about not seeing eachother lol he said I overthink everything and need to just have faith , I got upset with the fact I want to make plans I want to know a day I can drive to see him and have it set it in stone so hes not always the one going out of his way his response is always " oh I forgot to look at the schedule " " oh don't worry ill see ya next week " well I just want something to look forward too , I want to count down till I get to see his face . he works nights 3 days a week and the other days he works with mentally handicapped adults so there are times where it will be hard even if I do drive to see him . I am so scared I don't want to get hurt again I was with my husband for 7 yrs and he was cheating on me the entire time , I have always been the person that runs but for some reason I cant run from him . how do you get over the overthinking? and how do you progress things? he bought me a giant monkey to cuddle for when hes not here , what could I get him to tie us together? is this normal to be feeling like this ? how do I explain that if we made solid plans it would make me feel A LOT better lol any advice would greatly be appreciated

[differentcountries]

Solid plans are nice, but well-made plans are better

You have started to date rather recently, so it is not neccesarily possible - or advicible - to make any big plans just yet. Get to know each other, do nice things together, have talks about things you care about, try out hobbies together. Noone wanta to get hurt, but this person is not your ex, and you are not the same person you were when you dated your ex.

Sometimes, it is possible to make plans, sometimes it is not. SO and I were able to plan many visits at a time when I worked part time - I even got cheap tickets because they were booked so well in advance. Now, I just got a new fulltime job, I have no real vacation time yet and if I visit SO I have to work the whole time I am there (and my coworker might even want to join). SO can come here after his work season, but it takes a lot of preperations on our part. We dont know very well know we can close the distance, especially now that the immigration rules are getting strickter. But I have learned so far that I just have to have faith. Both of us have experience that, ok, we want each other even if it is not convenient.

I am realistic. I know that if my SO moves here, it will not be all roses and peaches. He will have to create a new life for himself here, it takes a lot for everyone. And so we want to take things slow, and not rush things. We want to not be broke, to make sure we have the means to soften the blow. We want to make sure we take the right measures - language learning being one vital step.

Life is, you never know what is going to happen. You can just have tomorrow and the immidiate future, and make the best of it. And then you lay plans for next year, but you dont know what will come of it. Sometimes life cheats you. Sometimes it gives in abundance. I know SO and I are not perfect people...he is afraid to make plans, because he has experienced things that should not happen (his sister died six months before we met.... I make too many plans lol. But we try to land a middle ground where we can take the most important measures to make sure we are in contact, and have some chance at a future together. Right now, that means working, paying bills, redecorating the flat and making it ready for when he comes. A lot of it is boring adult stuff, but I think he is amazing outside of candle light dinners, too. He is amazing just being his happy, grateful self. And I know that he likes me even if we do nothing at all, just sitting by the fire in his mum's house and he still thinks it is the best thing ever. And that's why I know I want to become old with this man, warts and all.

And if you feel anything like that, you know it is worth it. And whatever you need to do, you do it. And when you feel lost, you come here and we will listen to you. There are many great tips in the DIY section, but my personal favourite involves the perfumed letter.