Help me please. Help me to understand.
My boyfriend and I just broke-up after I learned he has already been seeing someone else (supposedly after our fight two weeks ago).
I am searching for answers. I know none of us here may know the truth, but I just need to try and understand. All these thoughts are running through my mind, and I am questioning everything I know about us.
Background:
We have been together for 2.5 years. He tried persistently for 7 months to get with me before I agreed to go on a date with him.
We were both living and working in the same city (which he calls home).
In September 2015, he moved to Africa for a 2-year assignment, in which after he would return home to headquarters. So, he's made it half way already.
We had been making this work, or so I thought... He was always super attentive and loving. We would text each other several times a day and have FaceTime sessions on the weekends. When we would go out of town, we'd always take each other with virtually. He was also able to come every 2-3 months for visits (meetings at HQ and personal vacations).
Therein comes the problem--when he would visit, he wouldn't have a lot of time for me. This started being a problem in April, but I had to understand he wasn't there just to see me, but to work, to catch up with family and friends, and to run errands.
We had our share of fights, even from the beginning of the relationship, but always work things out. They made us stronger. So, we worked this one out too.
He came again last month (late July) for my birthday. We had a nice celebration. However, he was also busy with family (he had brought his son who is living with him in Africa). I understood this, especially since it was his son's first time back in a year. But my bf only saw me a few times.
I will confess, though, that I started to get anxious in the beginning of his trip here. I knew he wasn't going to spend good quality time with me given his family obligations and the fact he was staying a ways away at a friend's rental. I was also angry that he would hang with his guy friends and not include me, not even for intros. I have met a few before, but not many. So, I started to act out. I said some mean things. I could've been more level-headed, but chose to nag about him not making time to be with me and not introducing me to more of his buddies. He begged me to be patient and to work this out, but I was frustrated, especially given his previous track record of not including me in things. I was frustrated that after more than two years, I didn't feel like he was fully incorporating me into his life--at least his actions weren't lining up with his words.
I am going through some turmoil now with a career transition (next week my non-renewable contract is up and have to search for a new opportunity) and all, and he knows the incredible stress I am going through. He has always been super supportive--especially in his love and encouragement. He even on many occasions (as recently as last month) invited me to move to Africa to be with him.
I was just so frustrated. With my livelihood up in the air, and with me simply wanting to be with him, I thought he'd understand. He seemed to take it in, not pushing back as I expressed my anger, which is rare. When we fought in the past, we would both get frustrated and he would initiate the period of silence. This time I did, which was maybe jarring for him.
After he left and returned to his post in Africa, we were silent for two weeks.
I had sent some apologies over email close to the two week mark. Then followed up with a nice text. I had seen a guy that looked like him at the beach and wanted to let him know.
I didn't expect his response. He was wondering if I hacked his phone since he was at the beach that weekend too (in his corner of the world though).
I wanted some clarification on this and wanted to push for reconciliation.
This is when he said it was too late to apologize and that he has already been seeing someone else--someone there.
I lost it!
Who is she?
How long have they been a thing? Have they been at it while we were together? Or did he somehow hook up with her only during our two weeks of fighting?
OR is he making this up to get back to me? Years ago, my first boyfriend lied about having found someone else after our break-up to make it a no-going-back sort of thing. He later confessed this to me a while later after we reconciled.
Did he love me ever?
Why would he do this?
Was he lying to me all this time I thought we were so head over heels? All this time that I thought we were in love... there was someone else?
What happened to the sweet guy I knew?! If we were strong enough to do distance, would could tackle anything. I thought we would eventually get over this issue too. I thought we were solid. Since just days and weeks ago, we were still in love, I keep thinking about this mystery woman taking my place.
I know we shouldn't think of this, but I can't help to reflect on where I wasn't enough for him. I was so in love with him and I thought he reciprocated too.
I'm doing what I can only do now--working on fixing my career. After so many efforts, it seems like an immediate fix is out of my hands. But whatever setback, I am to face, I am ready. I am also open to miracles too and finally some positive things happening!
He hasn't blocked me in anyway whatsoever. I have muted any contact with him though. This will help me focus. Plus, I am still fuming mad at him.
If this woman is real, I don't know if I could ever get over the betrayal.
My boyfriend and I just broke-up after I learned he has already been seeing someone else (supposedly after our fight two weeks ago).
I am searching for answers. I know none of us here may know the truth, but I just need to try and understand. All these thoughts are running through my mind, and I am questioning everything I know about us.
Background:
We have been together for 2.5 years. He tried persistently for 7 months to get with me before I agreed to go on a date with him.
We were both living and working in the same city (which he calls home).
In September 2015, he moved to Africa for a 2-year assignment, in which after he would return home to headquarters. So, he's made it half way already.
We had been making this work, or so I thought... He was always super attentive and loving. We would text each other several times a day and have FaceTime sessions on the weekends. When we would go out of town, we'd always take each other with virtually. He was also able to come every 2-3 months for visits (meetings at HQ and personal vacations).
Therein comes the problem--when he would visit, he wouldn't have a lot of time for me. This started being a problem in April, but I had to understand he wasn't there just to see me, but to work, to catch up with family and friends, and to run errands.
We had our share of fights, even from the beginning of the relationship, but always work things out. They made us stronger. So, we worked this one out too.
He came again last month (late July) for my birthday. We had a nice celebration. However, he was also busy with family (he had brought his son who is living with him in Africa). I understood this, especially since it was his son's first time back in a year. But my bf only saw me a few times.
I will confess, though, that I started to get anxious in the beginning of his trip here. I knew he wasn't going to spend good quality time with me given his family obligations and the fact he was staying a ways away at a friend's rental. I was also angry that he would hang with his guy friends and not include me, not even for intros. I have met a few before, but not many. So, I started to act out. I said some mean things. I could've been more level-headed, but chose to nag about him not making time to be with me and not introducing me to more of his buddies. He begged me to be patient and to work this out, but I was frustrated, especially given his previous track record of not including me in things. I was frustrated that after more than two years, I didn't feel like he was fully incorporating me into his life--at least his actions weren't lining up with his words.
I am going through some turmoil now with a career transition (next week my non-renewable contract is up and have to search for a new opportunity) and all, and he knows the incredible stress I am going through. He has always been super supportive--especially in his love and encouragement. He even on many occasions (as recently as last month) invited me to move to Africa to be with him.
I was just so frustrated. With my livelihood up in the air, and with me simply wanting to be with him, I thought he'd understand. He seemed to take it in, not pushing back as I expressed my anger, which is rare. When we fought in the past, we would both get frustrated and he would initiate the period of silence. This time I did, which was maybe jarring for him.
After he left and returned to his post in Africa, we were silent for two weeks.
I had sent some apologies over email close to the two week mark. Then followed up with a nice text. I had seen a guy that looked like him at the beach and wanted to let him know.
I didn't expect his response. He was wondering if I hacked his phone since he was at the beach that weekend too (in his corner of the world though).
I wanted some clarification on this and wanted to push for reconciliation.
This is when he said it was too late to apologize and that he has already been seeing someone else--someone there.
I lost it!
Who is she?
How long have they been a thing? Have they been at it while we were together? Or did he somehow hook up with her only during our two weeks of fighting?
OR is he making this up to get back to me? Years ago, my first boyfriend lied about having found someone else after our break-up to make it a no-going-back sort of thing. He later confessed this to me a while later after we reconciled.
Did he love me ever?
Why would he do this?
Was he lying to me all this time I thought we were so head over heels? All this time that I thought we were in love... there was someone else?
What happened to the sweet guy I knew?! If we were strong enough to do distance, would could tackle anything. I thought we would eventually get over this issue too. I thought we were solid. Since just days and weeks ago, we were still in love, I keep thinking about this mystery woman taking my place.
I know we shouldn't think of this, but I can't help to reflect on where I wasn't enough for him. I was so in love with him and I thought he reciprocated too.
I'm doing what I can only do now--working on fixing my career. After so many efforts, it seems like an immediate fix is out of my hands. But whatever setback, I am to face, I am ready. I am also open to miracles too and finally some positive things happening!
He hasn't blocked me in anyway whatsoever. I have muted any contact with him though. This will help me focus. Plus, I am still fuming mad at him.
If this woman is real, I don't know if I could ever get over the betrayal.
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