Feeling Hopeless. Should We Give Up?

[SugarBooger]

I went to the craft store today and all the fall and Christmas stuff was displayed. I got so sad. My boyfriend works ridiculous hours and is really struggling financially. He told me not to come for Labor Day weekend because he has no money and I guess I had no choice but to understand. The thing is, he has kids and can't move to me. He would in a heartbeat if he could. But I live in NY and I can't transfer right now because there are no opportunities. There's not much money to be made where he lives (Midwest) so it would be really difficult. I'm so angry at the Universe right now. I'm starting to feel hopeless and like nothing is happening the way it's supposed to. I do not want to do this for much longer I'm losing all hope. Is it normal to feel this way sometimes or should I just give up?

[R&R]

Only the two of you can make the decision if you want to keep the relationship going despite the struggles. Sometimes, the distance can be too much for too long and that can break a couple. Every person and every couple has to make that choice on their own. Everyone wants a relationship to work, whether CD or LD. Every relationship has its own struggles, CD or LD. You can be a CD couple and face much larger struggles than anything you go through LD. You each have to decide if the struggle is worth the possible end result of being together. There really is no right or wrong answer - it's what you decide is going to work best for your life and what your goals are and where you eventually want to be.

[SugarBooger]

We want to make it work we both are looking forward to a life together. I guess I'm just feeling frustrated today. I had a plan and that fell through. Im feeling hopeless like an opportunity won't present itself for me to go there. I love the company I work for and I very much want to stay with it but there's no positions to transfer there. And he's just going through such a tough time financially and working such long hours. We always talk about the future and how excited we are but right now I'm just sad. I was always so hopeful everything would work out but with holidays around the corner I'm just bummed. I want to experience these things with him and I'm just growing impatient.

[R&R]

I've been doing this almost 3 years with my SO. We haven't had a visit in over a year as plans fell through three times. We are supposed to be getting married in November, and then he will stay where he is and I will come back to my state. We may be married close to a year before we can close the distance. We have had setbacks that were beyond either of our control. We've never spent a Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years together yet. It will happen, in time. For us, it's a matter of looking at what we don't have or what we do have.

Don't wish your life away or what you have now. Yes, we all want to get the point of closing the distance, but there are lots of things happening in our lives (outside of the relationship) that we need to enjoy, love and cherish because if you are the one to move, you'll be missing out on these things later. Every point in our life has something special to it and sometimes looking ahead too much makes us miss what we have right now.

[Redheart14]

My plans fell through, it hurts, it sucks but it's life. There is much worse that could be going on. I'm still with my SO, we're in good health, all the rest will happen in time. You'll bounce back if it's both what you really want. There have been many people who rush closing the distance and not all of them work out. It's a big decision and shouldn't be treated lightly. So just take it slow, we all know what it's like to feel impatient but the reward at the end of it is far more rewarding. You're both together still and healthy ...the rest will work out, it's not all that bad.

[SugarBooger]

Thank you to both of you for your input. It's always nice to hear others who are in this situation and how there relationships differ. It definitely could be worse. We are only 800 miles apart and I guess I do have some things I need to fix here first. Relationships with family and friends and such. It just gets so hard sometimes, I get so frustrated. And he is going through such a tough time I wonder if him and I are supposed to be dealing with our own stuff so when we finally are together it will be even better. I'm just sad today. I don't like feeling like hope is lost. It's horrible.

[sasad]

How did the summer trip go or did it not go? I think they were all supposed to come to NY?
How are things moving along with his kids etc?
I know you were having an extremely tough time.

[SugarBooger]

They ended up not coming. He lost his job so it was difficult for him to get here. He started a new job July 27th but he doesn't get paid much for training which is for 6 weeks. I was going to go there this weekend but he's so down and out he didn't want me to. I respected his decision. It sucks because he would come here in a heartbeat if he didn't have his kids and the mother is a terrible mother. It's not like she's a good mom so I don't understand why he can't just move them. He has full custodial rights. I don't know I don't have kids so I don't say anything I guess I don't know what I'm talking about and I don't want to overstep. All I can do is pray that my company has an opportunity for me to go there.

[sasad]

Unless the mom has rights stripped, courts usually won't let the kids move, unless the ex agrees. She still has visitation I assume. His kids are teenagers, so that should stop around 18/19 unless the court order is different. They are teens and time ones so darn fast it seems with kids.
I understand being down and out, but I can see where it hurts you to be uninvited. Eleven going for sat and sun would have been nice. Does he still feel you are of fish towards his children?
I also read one of your post that said you can work remote is that not possible to do over there? My SO is based out of Florida but he works from my home in Virginia at least 2 to 3 weeks a month now if can.

[TaraMarie]

We want to make it work we both are looking forward to a life together. I guess I'm just feeling frustrated today. I had a plan and that fell through. Im feeling hopeless like an opportunity won't present itself for me to go there. I love the company I work for and I very much want to stay with it but there's no positions to transfer there. And he's just going through such a tough time financially and working such long hours. We always talk about the future and how excited we are but right now I'm just sad. I was always so hopeful everything would work out but with holidays around the corner I'm just bummed. I want to experience these things with him and I'm just growing impatient.

We have the same situation . My husband has been waiting for s transfer for the last two years. Nothing is available in his company where I live. So he comes home Friday night and goes back to work Monday morning and stays at his moms house all week. It sucks, and sometimes I want to throw in the towel too......I would go to him in a heartbeat but my kids are here and I won't take them away from their father. I understand your frustrations.