Taking a break? Will it help?

[TheOnyxStar]

My SO and I have been dating for a year now. The past few months our level of communication has lowered, meaning we have gone days without talking. Our only form of contact is using our chatting platform, we've tried setting up Skype sessions but something always came up and we haven't actually video chatted yet.

But I digress...

A few days ago, I got tired of feeling like I wasn't a priority in my SO's life, but I didn't want to break it off yet because I really want us to work out. So, I suggested that we take a break and focus on recentering ourselves and sorting out our priorities. After reading my message my SO sent me a really long reply basically stating that she recognized that her mind was elsewhere (her schooling, she is taking a lot of hard classes), and agreed that we need to get through this in order to be better in the future.

We discussed the terms of the break, how long it would be, would we cease contact for that time, etc. I guess I'm just wondering if breaks for LDR's are good ideas, considering the circumstances, you know.

If anyone has any advice for this kind of thing it would be greatly appreciated.

[Mr Gravy]

Just to get this straight: You have been dating for an entire year but haven't video chatted even once? Have you at least heard each other's voice?

[TheOnyxStar]

Just to get this straight: You have been dating for an entire year but haven't video chatted even once? Have you at least heard each other's voice?

We've sent each other audios/mini vids and selfies. But no video chatting. The first time we tried I chickened out, then every other time we tried a family emergency came up or it was too late at night. We both live with our parents so finding free times is hard.

[Moon]

Breaks are generally a bad idea and are just the pretext of a breakup. Not always of course, but usually. You're either in or out of a relationship, regardless if it's LD or CD. Now, taking a few days or so for yourself is OK, there's no rule that says you must communicate every single day, but I'm sorry, breaks usually end up in breakups. Maybe discuss again, and instead of a break, take a few days off and lighten your talk a bit until things settle down and see if that helps first. Good luck.

[sasad]

We've sent each other audios/mini vids and selfies. But no video chatting. The first time we tried I chickened out, then every other time we tried a family emergency came up or it was too late at night. We both live with our parents so finding free times is hard.

So, its been a year and you have not spoke on the phone or vid called at all.. You can do that off cell phones...

But I do agree with Moon.. Breaks usually equal breakups.. :/

[whatruckus]

I've been in two relationships where my SO at the time wanted a break.

I've been single for a while now.

Breaks, in my experience, don't work. If you need to take a break, your problems are still going to be there when you get back. The only way to really solve them is to work at them and actually, legitimately, make an effort. If you can't do that, then there's no point in continuing the relationship. I'm not trying to sound jaded either, but this is just my own personal experience. For some people, it works. For some, it doesn't. Sometimes it's actually better to just break up, and maybe in the future you can come back together. But, Breaks honestly just cause more stress.

[Stanislava]

I decided to share my experience with breaks in my long distance relationship.Ive been with my boyfriend for 14 montns or so and since then we've talked pretty much everyday(on voice call first and after 3 months in the relationship -all video calls).There's been times when we were really stressed from people around us or school/college or even from ourselves.We've taken 2 breaks for about 3 days (in differrnt times in our relationship)and i have to say they helped greatly in clearing our minds and having better communication and just enjoy each other's presence more afterwards.In a way (in my opinion) the break makes you see life without your SO and its up to you to decide whether you like that or not.In our case we both were sure that we wanted to continue the relationship despite the hardships we had to go through.Right now im thinking of taking a few days off again because of some family problems and other things that make me very stressed out and i cant appreciate the time we spend together because of this mess in my head and it obviously isnt good for either of us.I wish you all the best i hope i helped you see a different percepective on things

[R&R]

I decided to share my experience with breaks in my long distance relationship.Ive been with my boyfriend for 14 montns or so and since then we've talked pretty much everyday(on voice call first and after 3 months in the relationship -all video calls).There's been times when we were really stressed from people around us or school/college or even from ourselves.We've taken 2 breaks for about 3 days (in differrnt times in our relationship)and i have to say they helped greatly in clearing our minds and having better communication and just enjoy each other's presence more afterwards.In a way (in my opinion) the break makes you see life without your SO and its up to you to decide whether you like that or not.In our case we both were sure that we wanted to continue the relationship despite the hardships we had to go through.Right now im thinking of taking a few days off again because of some family problems and other things that make me very stressed out and i cant appreciate the time we spend together because of this mess in my head and it obviously isnt good for either of us.I wish you all the best i hope i helped you see a different percepective on things

3 days of not talking to deal with things in your own life isn't really what is considered "taking a break". Usually that term is for taking a decent length of time to step away from the relationship itself and decide if you want to be together. Though what you are doing may work to help you each take time to just focus on your own life, it doesn't sound like you are using it to contemplate a possible break up of the relationshp.

For the OP, I have to agree that most times a "break" in the relationship does eventually lead to a breakup. You either learn to work together to get through the issues you have or you break up and move forward with each of your own lives. Whether CD or LD, in a relationship one party or the other is going to have stressful times and that's when you get support your partner - not walk away from them to deal with it on your own. Could you, in the future, get back together? Yes. But I wouldn't put my life on hold while waiting for the other person to figure out what they want.

[Stanislava]

3 days of not talking to deal with things in your own life isn't really what is considered "taking a break". Usually that term is for taking a decent length of time to step away from the relationship itself and decide if you want to be together. Though what you are doing may work to help you each take time to just focus on your own life, it doesn't sound like you are using it to contemplate a possible break up of the relationshp.

Oh i see thank you for clearing that up.So i guess what we do is really just taking some time off for ourselves rather than a "break".

[C.C.]

If the definition of break is just communicating less, focusing on other stuff, being okay with no talking for certain amounts of times BUT being in a relationship even then, it's not really a break. As Moon said you either are or are not in a relationships. And I have had an experience of an actual break as well and it ended up in break up, they solve nothing and I don't see any positive sides of it except in rare situations.

[whatruckus]

3 days of not talking to deal with things in your own life isn't really what is considered "taking a break". Usually that term is for taking a decent length of time to step away from the relationship itself and decide if you want to be together. Though what you are doing may work to help you each take time to just focus on your own life, it doesn't sound like you are using it to contemplate a possible break up of the relationshp.

For the OP, I have to agree that most times a "break" in the relationship does eventually lead to a breakup. You either learn to work together to get through the issues you have or you break up and move forward with each of your own lives. Whether CD or LD, in a relationship one party or the other is going to have stressful times and that's when you get support your partner - not walk away from them to deal with it on your own. Could you, in the future, get back together? Yes. But I wouldn't put my life on hold while waiting for the other person to figure out what they want.

This. Either you're willing to work through it with your partner (and vice versa) or you're not.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Very tricky, I feel as though once you lose priority in your S.O's life, their feelings have changed about you. It hurts like crazy and I experienced this in a non LD relationship. Have you tried talking about it to your S.O?

[Honour]

As the others have said, breaks do tend to usually end up in total break ups. My ex and I went on a break several times during a 3 year relationship, and each time it ended in a break up. After all was said and done, he just dumped me like a piece of trash and gave up. I do not recommend a break at all. Take some time to yourself? Sure. But don't do breaks. They never work.

[TheOnyxStar]

This. Either you're willing to work through it with your partner (and vice versa) or you're not.

The only problem with trying to talk to my SO is the fact that most of the time it takes a while for them to reply so we very rarely get a good flow going to sustain a lasting conversation.

As for everyone else, thank you for your replies. It seems the consensus is that breaks don't work. With both of us starting classes and having bigger work loads, I just assumed a one month break to get a better flow and figure out free time would work. I guess only time will tell, I'm still going to keep with where we are and hopefully my SO and I can work things out further then.

Again thank you everyone for your replies and advice, I love how helpful and supportive this site is!