So afraid of being too forward and too needy.

[Fldancer90]

My bf and I are a pretty new couple and within the past month, he moved for his job. He's four hours away which means it's one of the better situations for long distance. However, his schedule as a college athletic coach means he often works six days a week with most weekends traveling to other states for tournaments.

I've recently realized just how much I care for this man and how I am falling more for him every day. But I'm afraid of pushing him away by being too needy in the LDR.

How do I continue to develop this relationship with him when his schedule makes visits so rare?

I know I'm falling for him but will his feelings slow due to how much he has going on with the new job, apartment, and city?

My biggest question is, how do I show him how serious I am about this without overwhelming and pushing him away?

[R&R]

I think it's important to not push yourself to feel you must show something or do something to prove a point. Relax, be yourself. If it feels natural to send him a card in the mail, send a card. If you want to send a good morning text, send one. Just remember to stay focused and busy in your own life.

People will put effort into what is important to them, no matter how busy they are. Yes, he has a lot going on and you have to be understanding and supportive of that. If you were living in the same town, he would still be this busy and have to be away to games on weekends. How would you communicate then? You wouldn't be seeing each other every night or on the weekends even then. Don't let the distance become more of an obstacle in your head than it truly is.

[OtantikTin]

I'm dependent and needy, it's just part of who I am. Fortunately, most of the time my boyfriend is, too. But through the years and as the butteflies/pink glasses were replaced with real life and reality, I'm the one who's still more clingy and highly demanding in affection while he needs less. It's something you have to work on every single day, I haven't seen my boyfriend in 3 months and at the beggining, I was a mess and wanted him to call and skype everyday.

Everyone here is going to tell you one thing: Distractions. That's really the only thing that'll help you through this, you have to keep your mind busy, otherwise you'll have too much time to dwell on your sadness. Try to give him some space, especially when he's working, and find a time during the day where you both like to have conversation, for us it's later at night and during our lunch break and it's been working good so far.

You'll also find that the distance will actually help you with your needy-ness as time passes, and that's a good thing. Good luck!

[Cami213]

OMG! Your post helped so much...thanks!

[Fldancer90]

OMG! Your post helped so much...thanks!

I'm glad to hear that! Care to share?

[Fldancer90]

I think it's important to not push yourself to feel you must show something or do something to prove a point. Relax, be yourself. If it feels natural to send him a card in the mail, send a card. If you want to send a good morning text, send one. Just remember to stay focused and busy in your own life.

People will put effort into what is important to them, no matter how busy they are. Yes, he has a lot going on and you have to be understanding and supportive of that. If you were living in the same town, he would still be this busy and have to be away to games on weekends. How would you communicate then? You wouldn't be seeing each other every night or on the weekends even then. Don't let the distance become more of an obstacle in your head than it truly is.

Thank you for your advice. I definitely notice my overthinking happens over the weekend when I have more free time. I stay super busy during the week so the small stuff doesn't get to me. He has very busy weekends so it's hard not to be able to talk as often as we used to when he still lived here.

He only moved away about three weeks ago so I know the adjustment is still taking place. I'm hoping that what's natural will be more comfortable soon.

[Fldancer90]

I'm dependent and needy, it's just part of who I am. Fortunately, most of the time my boyfriend is, too. But through the years and as the butteflies/pink glasses were replaced with real life and reality, I'm the one who's still more clingy and highly demanding in affection while he needs less. It's something you have to work on every single day, I haven't seen my boyfriend in 3 months and at the beggining, I was a mess and wanted him to call and skype everyday.

Everyone here is going to tell you one thing: Distractions. That's really the only thing that'll help you through this, you have to keep your mind busy, otherwise you'll have too much time to dwell on your sadness. Try to give him some space, especially when he's working, and find a time during the day where you both like to have conversation, for us it's later at night and during our lunch break and it's been working good so far.

You'll also find that the distance will actually help you with your needy-ness as time passes, and that's a good thing. Good luck!

You're advice was very helpful. We're still transitioning to a LDR so I think we're figuring out things like the best times for us to talk and what the other needs to feel satisfied with the relationship.

I'm a teacher and he works for a university so all summer our schedules were pretty wide open as we dated. Getting back to work schedules and adding in the LDR aspect means we have to find that new normal. I just don't want to push him away by trying to hard when he's swamped, ya know?

[Cami213]

I'm glad to hear that! Care to share?

Your post helped because prior to our last meeting he was more the aggressor and needy and called me all the time. He would initiate video chatting etc...etc. After our recent visit, I fell...hard. I think it was due to I had my guards up until I actually saw him again and now I'm 100% mentally and emotionally invested. He is a busy guy yet he calls me everyday after he gets off. I get "needy" when that one day when he's off I only talk to him for 30mins and the rest of the day he texts...I know I need to snap out of it. I'm really just as busy, I don't know why I'm over exaggerating. I really had to check myself yesterday. It's hard getting use to all these feelings after being single forever.