Can we live with one sexual partner only?

[YCNando]

Hey everyone! So, today I was talking to my SO and as the conversation unfolded there was a question that came to my mind. Before we get into that it would be important to clarify that we are both virgins. So, the question, I asked her if she had thought about taking the risk of having only one sexual partner. That is a thing that came to my mind and just absolutely crushed me. We're both so young and, even though we love each other and want to wait to lose our virginities with each other, curiosity would probably strike. I'm 99% sure I can be happy with one sexual partner for life but I'm really afraid that she can't handle the desire. Join that to the fact that this is a LDR and there's the combination for disaster.
She was kinda hurt because she thought I was insinuating she wasn't faithful to me, to which I don't doubt she is, it's just that on the long term I don't want to be cheated on. When I asked if she could live with the fact of having one sexual partner only she answered she doesn't know. She said she never actually thought about this which makes me even more scared because now she can start having even more doubts.
I'm wrecked and this time I'm finding it incredibly hard to see the light at the end of the tunel. I'm expecting some not easy to read replies but I guess this is why I'm posting this here. Share your honest opinions guys, am I worrying too much again, do you think love can beat so much adversity or will that desire take the best out of her/us?

[R&R]

I know plenty of people who have only had one sexual partner. I can list about 15 people that I know (right off the top of my head) that married their high school sweethearts or the first person they were ever with and they've only ever been with each other. That's people who have spouses in the military and can be gone for months at a time. They've dealt with obstacles through their relationships and marriages and have come out stronger. So, yes, it is possible if both parties want it to work and put the effort into the relationship.

There's nothing that says people have to go sow their wild oats. Some people find that one person and that's the only person that want or need for their entire lifetime.

[differentcountries]

I think the question you are looking for is more "Should I think before I speak".

Of course she is hurt. You guys have not even had sex yet, and already you are implying that she could be unfaithful in the future. People in LDRs are no more unfaithful than others, even if there may be a degree of sexual frustration. I see that your relationship is very new. Perhaps the words you are looking for, are "I am very scared by the idea that I should not be enough for you. I am also scared because I dont know how to practically "do" a long distance relationship". How could you know, you have dated less than 4 weeks....

I dont know what you can live with. This is a question that every person has to answer for themselves. I can live with one sexual partner, but I experience falling in love with more than one person and I have two partners that I am equally faithful to. They know about each other and know that I have sex with both of them. I think monogamy is great too and if you both want to, noone is going to stop you from being faithful to one another.

[CanadianGirl]

My SO was actually my first real boyfriend and only sexual partner and I have zero complaints about that. When the relationship was new and we were both more immature, he definitely was a bit worried that I would be signing up for life with 1 sex partner and that I'd want to experience more. I laughed so hard at the idea... Uhm, I don't care about putting miles on the odometer, I just want good sex.

I think you're sort of falling into the trap of inventing problems that don't exist. If you are happy with her and she's happy with you, no need to flush it down the toilet because of a completely hypothetical problem.

[YCNando]

Thank you for replying. It's always encouraging to hear about people who actually went through it and are happy. I guess you're right, we can make it work if we work in that direction.

[Unconditional]

Uhm, I don't care about putting miles on the odometer, I just want good sex.
.

This. I lost my virginity to my SO, it was not a difficult decision to makr because to me it doesn't matter how many people I have sex with- your partner can crave your "curiosities" without the possibility of getting another partner.
So there's really no need to worry about this unless you yourself don't think you can stay with one person (I.e. your SO)
I also agree with the above replies

[YCNando]

First of all, thank you for replying. Secondly, you are completely right. I am making a lot of mistakes and you perfectly read me. I just let myself go because of our openness with each other. We talk about anything and everything without any sort of barriers in order to keep us more aware about what is going on in the other's mind and I guess I kinda let myself go a bit. This is the second thread I create in this website in a short period of time therefore you can conclude I'm not an expert and I make a lot of mistakes I wish I didn't.

I seek answers from you guys in order to hear other peoples' opinions, to bring me back to earth when my mind is clearly making up problems and more importantly to get advice and help to correct my mistakes in my relationship. I always appreciate the people who take the time to leave a reply and try their best to help me.

I just didn't quite understand that part of your reply starting from the second line of the third paragraph. Could you try to explain it again and a bit more detailed or something? Or you can not do it if you think it was my lack of knowledge of the English language �� that can be a factor as well.

[YCNando]

Thank you for your reply. I am definitely falling into that trap. She is so dream-like that I can't help myself from burying myself in my mind thinking about the future and the possibilities. It's very cool that you are so young and kinda lived what I'm living right now and seeing your satisfaction about how the things turned out doesn't fail to put a smile on my face and giving me hope. I'll try to fight my way out of this trap of inventing problems, it seems that it keeps hunting me all the time.

[YCNando]

I appreciate your reply. I understand what you mean but my concern was in the fact that she could be curious about how it would be to be "back in the game" or something. Just to try another sex partner for once in her life, you know? But maybe you're right, maybe there's no need to worry about it though.

[BFG]

This is an interesting topic and one that always fires up my people watching and social observations. You can ask 100 different people this question and you'll only ever really get a smattering of answers. It's one of the few deeply personal questions that elicits fairly predictable results.

Most people fall into a fairly socially conservative bracket when it comes to sex and that's fine, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that because again it's a personal issue. Which is why i find it interesting at all that anyone would seek to shape their worldview based on the response of other people about a sex life they don't live. Ultimately you have to reach these conclusions on your own though.

If you come to the conclusion that for you, at the moment, no you don't think it's reasonable then that's fine. You probably align with more people than would care to admit. What's not fine is when you broach that topic with your potential partner in a hurtful or derogatory manner. Communication is paramount and even more so in an LDR where communication is text based more often than in a conventional relationship....there's no nuance or subtlety in the written form and it can be easy to blow out of proportion. The time in your relationship when you're all hearts in your eyes and can't see anyone else is a terrible time to try and thrash out the complex social and psychological concerns with monogamy.

Enjoy being in lust, don't do anything rash and then figure it out later.

[YCNando]

First of all thanks for replying. I had to read that text a few times do see if I actually understood it's meaning haha. From what I see, the problem was innthe fact that I talked about this subject too early in the relationship and through texting (which I actually did), which, like you said, can blow things out of proportion.

Although there was a part in your text that made me think that you don't agree with my perspective. Do you think I should let her try to have sex with someone someday?

[R&R]

Right now I think you need to concentrate on learning to know each other and the relationship between the two of you. You are worrying about things and trying to plan for things that may never even come up. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, her or the relationship.

[BFG]

First of all thanks for replying. I had to read that text a few times do see if I actually understood it's meaning haha. From what I see, the problem was innthe fact that I talked about this subject too early in the relationship and through texting (which I actually did), which, like you said, can blow things out of proportion.

Although there was a part in your text that made me think that you don't agree with my perspective. Do you think I should let her try to have sex with someone someday?

Sorry, no, that's not what I was saying at all. What i was saying is that you should seek to make your own mind up as it's a very personal thing.

I won't necessarily tell you what I believe or what I practice in my current LDR as it's not up to us to influence you.

What i definitely am advising you to do though is not consider this for a little while. It doesn't sound like you two are ready for this complex issue.

[differentcountries]

Do you think I should let her try to have sex with someone someday?

No. I don't think plural sexual relationship should be on the "let's try" side of things. First, get to know yourself. Then, get to know her. Then get to know how the two of you work together, as a relationship. Then, and only then, does it make any sort of sense to talk about what kind of relationship structure you should have.

And for God's sake, dont just "let her have sex with other people". The risk of heartbreak from doing that is huge, and especially when you have no experience with casual sex. I cant tell how how important it is that people talk things through before they do shit. I spoke with my husband about it for 4 years, weather or not we should open up our relationship. Then we had already dated (and had a sexual relationship) for several years and we had gotten married. We knew were we were at, body and soul.

[UnknownBuddy]

You found each other because you are both meant to be, so isn't your bodies together a structure you both ought to assume? Even thousands of miles apart good sex is a perfect way to honor the relationship. Don't sell yourselves short!

Good sex: Sex with your SO