How do I let him know I feel neglected?

[Fldancer90]

We're new to the LDR thing and I'm scared that we aren't going to make it. We are in a six week stretch where we can't see each other and I feel like our communication has been very limited.

I'm trying to remind myself that he's started a new job in a new city and that he's been so incredibly busy adjusting to his new life.

But it's hard not to feel neglected when we have bouts like this. I don't want to push him away by seeming clingy. I'm so afraid of him being so overwhelmed with all the other changes that me bringing this up will make him rethink our relationship.

We're a new relationship and new to LDR. I really like him and I know communication is key. But is it normal for the beginning adjustment period to take some time and for the person who moved to seem too busy?

[R&R]

Moving someplace new is huge. When I moved from NH to CA, communication with family and friends back home dropped considerably. I was adjusting to a new area, getting a job, a time change, settling into the house, etc. So, yes, he needs some time to get settled in.

[UnknownBuddy]

Do your best! You've put your all into it, that's what matters. Keep on keeping on, don't be afraid.

[Cookyllen]

Just tell him how you feel. Easy as that.

[Fldancer90]

Moving someplace new is huge. When I moved from NH to CA, communication with family and friends back home dropped considerably. I was adjusting to a new area, getting a job, a time change, settling into the house, etc. So, yes, he needs some time to get settled in.

But part of me feels like you make time for people you care about. Should I take that as a bad sign that he's not as invested?

[Harlequin]

But part of me feels like you make time for people you care about. Should I take that as a bad sign that he's not as invested?

I wouldn't. You run the risk of sabotaging yourself and the relationship during a stressful time. Making time for the people you care about might not mean making enough time for all parties involved to be satisfied. I'm sure you're important to him, but he's gotta get himself situated right now and that's going to take priority.
My friend just moved across the country. I barely saw or heard from her in the months leading up to the move, and I didn't hear from her at all during her first trip down to her new home (took two trips). We had spoken every single day for the past 10 years up until the move started to happen. Getting situated after a big move is really time consuming and stressful, and it's really nothing personal if communication drops for a little bit.
If you want to talk to your s/o about it, then feel free to. Just remember that it's nothing personal, he's still invested, and it's just a tough time. Ask about how things are going for him right now, and approach the topic in a way that doesn't come across like you're attacking him.

[R&R]

But part of me feels like you make time for people you care about. Should I take that as a bad sign that he's not as invested?

I agree with Harlequin on this.

I barely talked to my daughters (ages 12 & 13 at the time) when I first made the move - my kids. IMHO, that's a much bigger deal than a person someone has been dating less than 5 months. It can be that big to get moved, settled and situated. Some days we didn't even talk at all. Was I not invested in my kids any more because I moved away? Did I not care about them or how their day went or anything like that? No,not at all. I was adjusting and they were understanding.

[Redheart14]

Give him time to settle in. It's an adjustment period for both of you.
you

[Fldancer90]

Give him time to settle in. It's an adjustment period for both of you.
you

Thank you for your advice.

I'm struggling to adjust, that's for sure. He's done long distance before but all of this is new for me, and I have a lot of dating anxiety to begin with.

Right now, I'm trying to understand where to draw the line between I need to be understanding and give him time to settle down and what is me making an excuse for him not putting enough effort into the relationship.

His last relationship of three years ended when they went long distance two years into it. We haven't talked much about it but he did mention that he's put his professional life ahead of his personal life too often and he doesn't want that anymore.

[Fldancer90]

I agree with Harlequin on this.

I barely talked to my daughters (ages 12 & 13 at the time) when I first made the move - my kids. IMHO, that's a much bigger deal than a person someone has been dating less than 5 months. It can be that big to get moved, settled and situated. Some days we didn't even talk at all. Was I not invested in my kids any more because I moved away? Did I not care about them or how their day went or anything like that? No,not at all. I was adjusting and they were understanding.

Thanks for this perspective. It's helpful because right now I only see it from my point of view and nothing has changed in my schedule. He went from having a lot of free time to working a ton of hours in a new city. I need to realize and accept that this will bring limited communication until he gets himself settled down a little more.

[Fldancer90]

I wouldn't. You run the risk of sabotaging yourself and the relationship during a stressful time. Making time for the people you care about might not mean making enough time for all parties involved to be satisfied. I'm sure you're important to him, but he's gotta get himself situated right now and that's going to take priority.
My friend just moved across the country. I barely saw or heard from her in the months leading up to the move, and I didn't hear from her at all during her first trip down to her new home (took two trips). We had spoken every single day for the past 10 years up until the move started to happen. Getting situated after a big move is really time consuming and stressful, and it's really nothing personal if communication drops for a little bit.
If you want to talk to your s/o about it, then feel free to. Just remember that it's nothing personal, he's still invested, and it's just a tough time. Ask about how things are going for him right now, and approach the topic in a way that doesn't come across like you're attacking him.

That's definitely the hard part! The last thing I want to do is cause problems with us when I'm a stable thing in his life right now. We aren't talking as often as I'd like to but until he has the opportunity to get his life in order, I don't want to add more stress and in turn make him feel like the relationship is too much right now.