I feel so sad, fragile and empty without him. I'm just looking for some support

[Dsmaria]

Hey everyone,

This is my first post on this forum. I am writing because I have reached a very sad period in my life, and I just wanted to reach out for support. If you have some patience, here is my story: my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. We met in the States for a vacation, but we are originally from Italy and Spain. We had a one year LDR, then I moved to his city to study. Those were the best 2 years of our life. However, just this week my boyfriend had to go back to the States, as he got into a very good university for his Master. Now, I am living in his country alone, as I have to finish my program (2 years left). I feel so lonely and I miss him so much. He is my first love, and we know we will be together one day. I am so happy that he is taking this opportunity, but this is very hard. Everywhere I go, I remember the moments we spent together. I feel so sad and demotivated. I feel empty. Life without him is so meaningless...What do you guys recommend me to do? How can I overcome the sadness and the loneliness? Really need some support.

Thank you,
love,
Anna

[marisas]

I felt the same way as you, until I stumbled on the Instagram page of a girl whose boyfriend had died in a car accident. It made me feel so grateful that even if my boyfriend is over a thousand miles away from me, he is still alive and well! You just have to wake up everyday and think about how thankful you are to have him at all. Getting a job or a hobby helps as well. So does making some good friends who make you laugh!

[R&R]

Hey everyone,

This is my first post on this forum. I am writing because I have reached a very sad period in my life, and I just wanted to reach out for support. If you have some patience, here is my story: my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. We met in the States for a vacation, but we are originally from Italy and Spain. We had a one year LDR, then I moved to his city to study. Those were the best 2 years of our life. However, just this week my boyfriend had to go back to the States, as he got into a very good university for his Master. Now, I am living in his country alone, as I have to finish my program (2 years left). I feel so lonely and I miss him so much. He is my first love, and we know we will be together one day. I am so happy that he is taking this opportunity, but this is very hard. Everywhere I go, I remember the moments we spent together. I feel so sad and demotivated. I feel empty. Life without him is so meaningless...What do you guys recommend me to do? How can I overcome the sadness and the loneliness? Really need some support.

Thank you,
love,
Anna

Welcome to LFAD.

Yes, it's hard to be somewhere when your SO was there with you and are now gone. My SO has been to my house, my work and all of my favorite locations. There is literally almost nowhere that he hasn't been with me. That being the case, it's your option as to how you look at it. You can be "I'm sad he's not here and now I'm miserable" or "I remember what a good time we had here doing __________ and that's a good memory that I can smile about". Your perspective and attitude are going to make a difference.

The part of your comment that I bolded, really look at that. Missing your SO is one thing. Feeling that your life is empty and meaningless - that's not good. I've repeated this hundreds of times on here but I'll say it again - your SO and relationship should enhance an already full and happy individual life. They should not become your life or the only source of your happiness, meaning and motivation. You need to be whole on your own. Focus on your present and future. Doing things to better you as an individual and things that will help you reach your goals. Throw yourself into school. Make sure you are spending time with friends. Enjoy YOUR life while you are apart. This will also give you additional things to talk about when you chat.

[UnknownBuddy]

Everyone is here to support each other! Keep a "Constant Communication Relationship" with your lover. I keep my angel kitten's feelings in perfect condition so her angel wings never get flustered. Give careful study to each other's feelings as well as education. Blessings!

Man1: dude, you're always texting someone, who is it?
Man2: oh, my girlfriend, Girl1.
Man1: jeez dude, you're in a constant communication relationship

[differentcountries]

It is good to keep a brave face about things, and live your life, but also being able to stomack that life can be painful is important.

My SO is in a way braver than me. He complains less, but when he does he says very "needy" things. He is the one who will tell me "my life is meaningless without you" and "Everything is so boring without you here". I would never say things like that. But I take these things with at least a few pinches of salt, beause:
- he is Turkish, so he is a drama queen. Many Turks will openly admit to being dramatic - but they are also impulsive, so any intense emotions may vanish the next day
- he works in a very tough industry. His customers wants him to smile. His coworks need him to carry the load. 99 % of his friends also work season . It is not that people around him does not care, but they are in the same situation - or a too different one to imagine what he is going through. With me, all he has to do is tell me "season" and I know what he is talking about, even if I am not a part of it. He knows that I know and it takes some load off him. I will tell him, I hate season too, and he feels better. It is not about letting anyone down. It just is what it is.
- he is not that good talking about his emotions, especially not bad ones. He will not say "Today I feel sad because I saw this girl that reminded me of you". He will say something else that gives him a sort of upper hand in his situation. Turkish is fond of passive language that sort of blurs agency. He will not say "I find all things tedious", but that things seem to be boring. He is sort of blaming the environment. It does not mean that he does not know it is him and his own emotions, but he likes to pretend in this way.
- I am a confrontational person, he is very soft spoken. When I am with him, he softens me. When he is with me, it sort of gives him an agency he normally feels that he lacks. I can teach him to stand up for himself, but still there is a mix of us that neighter of us have exactly on our own. I am calmer with him. He is stronger with me. It is just about appreciating that this is also what happens. It does not mean being on your own is shit, but there is a dimention lacking.

Get out a journal. Be honest and brave towards yourself. I am close to 40 years old, I still cry sometimes just because I miss him, no shame in that.