I don't know how or if to tell him about my mental health issues. Possible trigger

[Jelly11]

Wondering if anyone has any insight.

I've been off work for six weeks now with depression and anxiety. I'm on three medications but sadly the antidepressants still need some more time yet. I have a history of mental health issues, particularly chronic anxiety. The anxiety he kind of knows about. It's hard for me to hide. He's generally fine about it but says he sometimes struggles when my worries become irrational about our relationship.

So anyway I started this medication and it's made me kind of loopy. It's certainly not working and i've been even worse. This has translated to our relationship and i've been picking on stupid things and I know it's pushing him away. I went back to my doctor because I feel it's making me unbelievably anxious and quite delusional actually. She said it's normal to feel worse before better and to keep on taking them.

I'm seeing him this week and I don't know whether to just tell him the truth. My parents are worried about me going because I've hardly been able to leave the house let alone go abroad. But I want to see him. Obviously we will get intimate and I know there's a high chance he will notice my scars from self harm. I could try to hide them...I don't know whether it's something he deserves to know.

What makes me so hesitant is that when we have had random conversations in the past, I've always thought that he has seemed very unsympathetic about mental health even making a remark about how he generally wouldn't go for someone with mental health issues!! Obviously this is really offputting for me. I want to feel like I can talk to him but jeez...it's pretty hard when I know what he thinks!

Any advice would be appreciated. I don't like lying or keeping things but I don't want to push him away. I suppose at the same time I ask myself if I really want to be with someone who would not accept something which I could just do with some moral support with.

[R&R]

As hard as it may be, you need to be honest and up front with him. If my SO was hiding any sort of health issues from me, I would be extremely upset. How am I to understand what you're going through and help support you if you don't tell me? It also leads to wonder what else has been hidden from me.


Yes, he may decide it's too much for him. If it is, then it's better you know now. Please know, it's sometimes hard for those of us that don't deal with any sort of mental issue to understand it. We are always told to be understanding, which is true - but both parties need to be understanding of the other.

[TravelingSolider]

I agree with everything R&R said. I feel the longer you keep this to yourself the harder it becomes to deal with later. It sounds to me like you already know where he stands on this issue, which is the reason you haven't told him about you. Tell him -- he'll either prove you wrong or right. I wish you the best.

[Elisabeth]

As someone with depression and anxiety, as hard as it may be, the best course of action is to be open and honest. If he's really interested in pursuing a relationship with you, then he'll be understanding and supportive. It might also help him to know that on days when you aren't acting like yourself, it's not his fault, but the disease. Also, if your medications are making the anxiety/depression worse, talk to your doctor about getting them changed.

If he does end up breaking up with you because of your mental illness, then he wasn't the right guy for you. Admittedly, not everyone is able or knows how to provide support for a partner suffering from a mental illness. The most you can do is continue getting treatment and work on keeping yourself healthy. I really hope it works out for you.

[Katy_G]

Best to be upfront with him about it. If he is unable to support you on this front, then maybe he's not the right person for you.

As a person coping with ADHD and anxiety, I can safely say that keeping it a secret from a partner is a terrible idea. There were so many times that my SO and I got into arguments because of his inadvertently triggering something---and that was even with my SO being very supportive of mental health and recovery. He just did not know how to best help me, till I opened up the issue myself.

Best of luck on this!