I need some help...
Hello everybody!
This is my first post about my current LDR. A little background about my SO and I, we've been dating for about 3 years now. We met working for the same company, and for about 2 years we were physically together. He is one of the sweetest people I know..and he really cares about me..as I do him. I'm currently in school, and for the past few years he's been working on getting himself back into shape to re-enlist with the military. About a year ago, he had to move to another state due to living situations. He had some rough luck with jobs, and there was an opportunity for him to better himself if he moved. So this year in January we packed him up and drove up to the new state to get him settled.
My SO isn't very good with communication and talking about his feelings or what he's thinking, so that's something we have had to consistently work through during our relationship. My fear was that it would get worse when we started a LDR. He assured me it wouldn't be an issue, however, it was. As with any relationship there are patches of time where you feel like you've run out of things to say to each other...and we hit that rough patch about a month before he left. I've been in LDR before so I was a little more prepared with this process..and it was easier for me to figure out how to help the situation. The biggest obstacle which is what I'm struggling with now is his issue with telling the truth sometimes. The worst part is he doesn't realize sometimes that he's lying. I think he does it because he feels like I'm going to be "disappointed" if he tells me the truth about the situation or that I'll leave him. This last lie really kicked me in the gut though. He had been getting better. We were talking about finances and the possibility of getting a place together next year once I've moved on to my next degree..so we were trying to get a birds eye view of what we needed to do. There is a lot more to that story, but the end result was...he's pretty much living paycheck to paycheck...after telling me a month ago that he had been doing well with saving. This seems like a small issue but we had previously MAJOR issues with financial situation - and I'd been somewhat supporting him. We had a big fight last week and I told him how much he hurt me with all of the lies, no matter if he did it on purpose or not..that last one really hit me hard because it sets us closing the distance EVEN further. I told him I didn't really trust him too much anymore because he'd been lying to me a lot more lately. I believe that you can really tell what someone thinks of you with how often they tell you the truth...its a sign of respect for me...Especially with everything we'd been through and things I'd forgive him for that really broke my heart. I told him I needed a break...so I took 3 days. When I did call him I was doing all the talking..pausing to see if he has anything to say..anything to contribute..any ideas to how we can work through it. He had nothing to say except "what do you want me to say..what are you expecting" and...."I'll do better"...so I asked him why he didn't have anything to say about the issues, and why I was doing all the talking. I explained I just wanted to hear his opinions..and get him to engage with me. He got defensive he said "it makes no sense for me to talk to you about my issue". I lost it. I told him if he wanted to figure it out together to let me know, but if not to leave me the (insert unpleasant word) alone. PROBABLY NOT THE BEST WORDS, but I was so heartbroken. Its been a week since we've spoken. I'd like for us to work this out..but he hasn't said a word to me.
I love my SO..I really do...so what do I do? I'm at my wits ends...I feel so petty just not saying anything..but I also feel like he needs to be the one to reach out to me. I've done my best..despite my temper getting the best of me sometimes...and I just feel like if he wants to approach me and work it out..he will...but I also know he's the type of person that won't because I know all he heard was "leave me alone"...not realizing I said if he wants to work it out by himself...
SOS...I need some help...Thank you
This is my first post about my current LDR. A little background about my SO and I, we've been dating for about 3 years now. We met working for the same company, and for about 2 years we were physically together. He is one of the sweetest people I know..and he really cares about me..as I do him. I'm currently in school, and for the past few years he's been working on getting himself back into shape to re-enlist with the military. About a year ago, he had to move to another state due to living situations. He had some rough luck with jobs, and there was an opportunity for him to better himself if he moved. So this year in January we packed him up and drove up to the new state to get him settled.
My SO isn't very good with communication and talking about his feelings or what he's thinking, so that's something we have had to consistently work through during our relationship. My fear was that it would get worse when we started a LDR. He assured me it wouldn't be an issue, however, it was. As with any relationship there are patches of time where you feel like you've run out of things to say to each other...and we hit that rough patch about a month before he left. I've been in LDR before so I was a little more prepared with this process..and it was easier for me to figure out how to help the situation. The biggest obstacle which is what I'm struggling with now is his issue with telling the truth sometimes. The worst part is he doesn't realize sometimes that he's lying. I think he does it because he feels like I'm going to be "disappointed" if he tells me the truth about the situation or that I'll leave him. This last lie really kicked me in the gut though. He had been getting better. We were talking about finances and the possibility of getting a place together next year once I've moved on to my next degree..so we were trying to get a birds eye view of what we needed to do. There is a lot more to that story, but the end result was...he's pretty much living paycheck to paycheck...after telling me a month ago that he had been doing well with saving. This seems like a small issue but we had previously MAJOR issues with financial situation - and I'd been somewhat supporting him. We had a big fight last week and I told him how much he hurt me with all of the lies, no matter if he did it on purpose or not..that last one really hit me hard because it sets us closing the distance EVEN further. I told him I didn't really trust him too much anymore because he'd been lying to me a lot more lately. I believe that you can really tell what someone thinks of you with how often they tell you the truth...its a sign of respect for me...Especially with everything we'd been through and things I'd forgive him for that really broke my heart. I told him I needed a break...so I took 3 days. When I did call him I was doing all the talking..pausing to see if he has anything to say..anything to contribute..any ideas to how we can work through it. He had nothing to say except "what do you want me to say..what are you expecting" and...."I'll do better"...so I asked him why he didn't have anything to say about the issues, and why I was doing all the talking. I explained I just wanted to hear his opinions..and get him to engage with me. He got defensive he said "it makes no sense for me to talk to you about my issue". I lost it. I told him if he wanted to figure it out together to let me know, but if not to leave me the (insert unpleasant word) alone. PROBABLY NOT THE BEST WORDS, but I was so heartbroken. Its been a week since we've spoken. I'd like for us to work this out..but he hasn't said a word to me.
I love my SO..I really do...so what do I do? I'm at my wits ends...I feel so petty just not saying anything..but I also feel like he needs to be the one to reach out to me. I've done my best..despite my temper getting the best of me sometimes...and I just feel like if he wants to approach me and work it out..he will...but I also know he's the type of person that won't because I know all he heard was "leave me alone"...not realizing I said if he wants to work it out by himself...
SOS...I need some help...Thank you
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