I have been talking to this man for 4 weeks consistently over the phone, we met on a dating site. Texting regularly as well and a Skype session. We finally met for the first time on the weekend. He booked a flight as he lives 2 hours away. We spent all of Saturday, Sat night and Sunday and Sunday night together, he stayed at my place. We had a great weekend together considering it was our first meeting, we were very affectionate and we were intimate several times. I was thinking of just hiding my profile on the dating site to focus on this thing we have so I hopped on last night to do it and I could see he was online for a good hour. I guess I'm feeling hurt because after talking to each other almost every day for the last 4 weeks and spending an entire weekend together plus the intimacy we shared I guess I'm shocked he is actively communicating with other girls. Why wouldn't he choose to focus on me more, why would he be looking to talk to other women. We both have said we are looking for a serious relationship so I don't understand this behaviour.....
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He's the only one who can answer that for you. For him, it could have been getting to know you and a fun weekend. As there has been no talk of being exclusive with each other, he has every right to still be on the dating site and talking to other women.Originally posted by Lou1973 View Post
If you feel this past weekend meant more to you than it did to him, then talk to him about it. Ask him if he is looking for something more serious with you and what he feels the next steps in your friendship and possible relationship should be. If he's not ready for an exclusive relationship with you and you feel there should be more, then you have to decide if you want to continue to persue this while he is still actively looking for others. Also, at this point, there is nothing stopping you from talking to others as well.Last edited by R&R; September 26, 2016, 08:35 PM.To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.
Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.
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I may not have a ton of experience, but you do need to figure out where this interaction is going. I talked w/a guy nearly 2 months, dating site/Skype/texting. I ended going to see him and I wish we had spent more time together, we both mutually agreed to see where this goes, but we both are not seeing other people. I deleted my pro and I believe he has done the same. If I liked a guy enough to try a LDR, I would want to make sure we were moving forward, I def wouldn't wait just for him to tell me he was seeing others. I would bring it up the next time you talk and see what he says, don't be accusing, but just out of curiosity. Also i wouldn't mention you seeing him on the dating site as you may come across as a stalker.Comment
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If you're concerned about his behavior, talk to him. But do so in a non-accusatory way. He's the only one who can explain his actions, and unless you both have agreed to be exclusive, then try not to get too upset if he's talking to other women. Perhaps he just saw last weekend as something fun and hasn't committed to a relationship yet. Be able to verbalize your concerns and have a clear discussion of where you both are at and where you want to go. And be open to whatever he has to say. The best communication is when both sides are willing to honestly listen to the other.Comment
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If he saw our time together as a weekend of fun then why on earth did he take photos of us together?Comment
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IMHO, photos are pretty benign. If they are just photos of you two having a good time together over the weekend, that sounds like normal behavior to me.Originally posted by Lou1973 View PostComment
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He's the only one who could answer that. Like everyone else has said, you need to talk to him. He's the only one who's going to know what he's thinking, and since you two aren't exclusive, he hasn't done anything wrong.Originally posted by Lou1973 View Post
Until you actually talk to him and find out what the plan is, I would try to relax. Did you guys ever talk about being exclusive with each other? Or did you just establish that you're both looking for serious relationships? Did either of you ever express interest in casual relationships?
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No we never have spoken about bring exclusive with each other. We have both stated we are looking for serious relationship in general, yes. I told him already I don't want a fling!Comment
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Talk to him about being exclusive, I slyly asked if he dated a lot in between in his relationships. In general we started talking boundaries in a relationship like not looking at other people, calling them hot etc. Don't interrogate him or else you may scare him off, just ask general questions. You definitely do not want to waste your time /someone who isn't on the same page as you.Originally posted by Lou1973 View PostComment
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Definitely talk to him specifically about being exclusive. Also, discuss boundaries as to what you consider cheating behavior. If you do draw lines at different points, be open to negotiation and compromise. IMO, this is a good conversation to have before you get too invested.Originally posted by Lou1973 View PostComment
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I feel weird talking about exclusivity this early on, that could be enough for him to run completely. I guess I must just like him more than he likes me and I'm a little jealous that he is probably doing all the things he did with me with others, makes me feel slightly used.Comment
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You spent the weekend together knowing it was a first time meeting and that it was getting to know each other in person. You slept with him of your own free will, knowing that you were not exclusive - so neither of you was used. It was mutual between you and I'm sure you must have enjoyed it as well as he did. As far as the pictures - people take pictures of their food before eating nowadays - he's documenting his trip. When I go to NY to visit my friend from HS, we take pics together.
If you think it's too early to talk about being exclusive, then you can't be upset that he's still talking (or whatever) with others. You have to step out of your comfort zone and talk to him about it or you are going to just keep wondering what he's doing and being unhappy.To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.
Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.
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Exactly what R&R said.... You spent a weekend together after talking for 4 weeks. You slept together, and if you invited him to stay with you..... Did you think he would just say you are the one? After 1 meet up and 30 days?
You do need to talk to him and have a convo about where you are both at. That you said you would hide your profile vs deleting it says you are not in all the way right now as well.
Imo, you all need to talk and set boundaries. I am all for spontaneous sex, but for a long term relationship is that how you want it to start off? You wanted him there and didn't undr stand why he just didn't drop everything afte 3 weeks to come see you, and yet you were both still in the dating site... Honestly, is your profile still there and are you looking or looking at what he is doing....Comment
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Well, I didn't delete my profile before we actually established that we were exclusive. And we had spent time together several times before that (and known each other for over six months). I only used it to read messages, and didn't have conversations with anyone else, but I was online for a bit. Like others have said, you need to have a talk with this man, that's the only way you'll know. It's not fair on either of you if you jump into conclusions before you both know what your situation is.Comment
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Sex ≠ exclusivity
The two are not the same, and you cannot assume that when you sleep with someone that they will not be sleeping with other people.
I really focus on communication in relationships. I make a point to say what I want and need out of a relationship. I met SO several times before we had sex, and I talked to her about exclusivity before we had sex, and I asked her to be my girlfriend before we had sex. We even talked about abandoning the dating app altogether.
Part of dating is to get to know the person that you're dating. Talk. Talk about what you want in a partner, what you want in a relationship, your hobbies, your interests, your job, your career, what you want in life, and to figure out what the other person wants, what their goals are.
You won't know what the other person wants unless ya'll are talking about it.Comment
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