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I went back and read our old conversations... And that was a mistake.

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    #1

    I went back and read our old conversations... And that was a mistake.

    Long story short, I found a way to download my 3-4 years old conversations on facebook and read them. I noticed that I was a very toxic person in my way of demanding things and arguing in the beginning of the relationship. I would threaten to leave him over the smallest stupidities, ask unreasonable things from him like forcing him into healthier eating and gaming less, call him a no life because of his gaming, forcing him to do activities he didn't like and all of that. I was crying in front of the computer at how hurtful it must have been for him.. But mostly because I was doing this without even realizing it.

    We almost broke up last year because he was finding it hard to cope with the distance (we were seeing each other on weekends, but still..) and my temper.. Which drastically improved since our major down phase in 2015.

    After reading this, the only thing I wanted to do was to apologize to him for the past. I know he's probably not dwelling on this, because he never talks about it, but my feeling is that I really should apologize for this.. I don't do these threatening things anymore, and even less dicting him what to do with his life. I can't believe how stupid I was, and I can't believe he stayed with me through this. Should I go ahead and apologize, or just let it sink and continue to act like I am now?
    Last edited by OtantikTin; September 28, 2016, 08:51 AM.
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    #2
    It can be difficult to drudge up the past, but maybe you could casually bring it into a conversation somewhere along the line if it means so much to you to apologise. But don't forget that sometimes it may be best to just leave some things in the past. You don't want to aggravate a situation when there's no need to do so.

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      #3
      Make it a positive... Mention how happy you are and how far you have come and grown together... and how wonderful he has been even when you were such a "fill in the blank" person. That you are sorry for any pain etc you caused him, but thank you for helping you become the better person you are today....

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        #4
        Originally posted by sasad View Post
        Make it a positive... Mention how happy you are and how far you have come and grown together... and how wonderful he has been even when you were such a "fill in the blank" person. That you are sorry for any pain etc you caused him, but thank you for helping you become the better person you are today....
        I agree with your opinion, it's been hard for me to read these conversations, but at the same time it made me open my eyes to what I used to be, and the reasons why he sometimes still seems to be walking on eggshells when I appear angry. I hope we continue to grow in a positive way.. It seems we understand each other more and more each year. I feel terrible, terrible, it's kinda ridiculous because since yesterday I keep thinking he will decide to leave me for those things from the past.

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          #5
          Originally posted by OtantikTin View Post
          I agree with your opinion, it's been hard for me to read these conversations, but at the same time it made me open my eyes to what I used to be, and the reasons why he sometimes still seems to be walking on eggshells when I appear angry. I hope we continue to grow in a positive way.. It seems we understand each other more and more each year. I feel terrible, terrible, it's kinda ridiculous because since yesterday I keep thinking he will decide to leave me for those things from the past.
          Tell him exactly this and you'll be fine, because this is how you feel. I also agree with sasad to put it positive. I think you just feel terrible, because you just realized how happy you are to have him. So you should just tell him you're sorry and you love him. I'm sure he'll be happy to hear it Why wouldn't he? It shows you appreciate him!

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            #6
            Originally posted by aoitori View Post
            Tell him exactly this and you'll be fine, because this is how you feel. I also agree with sasad to put it positive. I think you just feel terrible, because you just realized how happy you are to have him. So you should just tell him you're sorry and you love him. I'm sure he'll be happy to hear it Why wouldn't he? It shows you appreciate him!
            You're right, I believe I was taking him for granted in the past, until our nearly separation, in October 2015.

            I will talk to him about this when he comes back home. In two weeks. ♥

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