Keeping myself from being anxious?

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I am getting ready to visit the guy I'm dating again, but I'm anxious. I have been in a one sided relationship where I gave my all and the guy lost interest towards the end. I know the guy is interested in me and is even giving up a trip w/friends for the time I come to visit (he mentioned the trip w/his friends, but I did not know the date of it and I just planned to come down). We both agreed not see other people, though we are moving slow due to both of us being hurt before. The thing is though we don't have regular contact on a day to day basis, he himself said he is a terrible texter, but for the most part we do text good morning/night almost everyday (sometimes he doesn't text good morning), one night I decided to see if he texted 1st and he did wish me a good night. I don't text irrelevant things. Is it normal to go a day or 1/2 w/no comm from your LD partner? I just wonder if its something to worry about, I let my ex get away w/so much and the lack of good morning/night texts what a sign that he was losing interest.

[R&R]

Every couple's communication is going to be different. My SO usually texts me in the morning before I wake up and I reply once I get up. He'll usually call at night and we talk about 5 or 10 minutes. Some days it's only the phone call and sometimes only the text. I couldn't tell you the last time we Skyped. We've been together 3 years and though I know some people would freak out at what is probably considered so little communication, it works for us.

Maybe when you are there, you can talk about what you each consider sufficient communication. You may each have to give a little bit but the best way to find out is to have an honest talk about it.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Every couple's communication is going to be different. My SO usually texts me in the morning before I wake up and I reply once I get up. He'll usually call at night and we talk about 5 or 10 minutes. Some days it's only the phone call and sometimes only the text. I couldn't tell you the last time we Skyped. We've been together 3 years and though I know some people would freak out at what is probably considered so little communication, it works for us.

Maybe when you are there, you can talk about what you each consider sufficient communication. You may each have to give a little bit but the best way to find out is to have an honest talk about it.

We Skype 1 or 2 times a week, which I really enjoy, we spend a few hours usually. The days that bother me are the ones w/no texts or an exchange of like 3 or less. I guess I have always used texting as a gauge of how interested a guy is, but I guess I have run into a different case. Him willing to give up a road trip for me says a lot and I'm really happy he is willing to miss out on that (I didn't ask him to skip out on it). I only text him good morning/night or if something interesting has come up, I don't text him just to text. When I visited last time he himself said he prob doesn't text enough, w/out me saying a thing and I asked him to text a little more. In the past I dated a guy briefly and we almost did long distance, a lack of texting was an indication of something wrong, he eventually admitted he was confused and I haven't heard from him, I just don't want this to turn out the same. The difference is the other guy never posted pics of us on social media when this guy actually made us his profile picture.

Update: I did text him 1st today saying how I missed him texting me, he said he was in a bad mood and busy. I don't mind giving space, but I don't think that is a good enough excuse not to text all day, even just a morning text.

[Chris516]

Update: I did text him 1st today saying how I missed him texting me, he said he was in a bad mood and busy. I don't mind giving space, but I don't think that is a good enough excuse not to text all day, even just a morning text.

It isn't a good enough excuse.

It sort of makes me think of a couple sitting on opposite sides of the bed, facing the opposite direction. Just because one of them is in a foul mood.

[sasad]

I did text him 1st today saying how I missed him texting me, he said he was in a bad mood and busy. I don't mind giving space, but I don't think that is a good enough excuse not to text all day, even just a morning text.

Again, you need to set a time to really talk and figure out what will work and what wont. I understand being in a bad mood and not wanting to talk. I work with elementary school kids all day long and sometimes I just am DONE. My SO and I have talked, and he knows when I am at a certain point, I need my down time to recharge. We TALKED about it and he knows I am not dissing anyone. His feelings don't get hurt and I don't feel guilty for shutting down for a bit. My SO also never texted before me. He had that limited 200 text a year plan or something. He prefers phone calls. I LOVE to text and don't like talking on a phone. We compromised and talked about what we both needed and liked. I found I enjoyed talking/skyping with him and his family laughs that he texts so much more now. I will admit that texting can't communicate emotions and can and will be misconstrued at some point. Keep that in mind. Also it may be difficult for him to text at work during the day....

Again, R&Rs advice is great... Talk to him and you BOTH come up with a plan that will work.


We all get cranky.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Again, you need to set a time to really talk and figure out what will work and what wont. I understand being in a bad mood and not wanting to talk. I work with elementary school kids all day long and sometimes I just am DONE. My SO and I have talked, and he knows when I am at a certain point, I need my down time to recharge. We TALKED about it and he knows I am not dissing anyone. His feelings don't get hurt and I don't feel guilty for shutting down for a bit. My SO also never texted before me. He had that limited 200 text a year plan or something. He prefers phone calls. I LOVE to text and don't like talking on a phone. We compromised and talked about what we both needed and liked. I found I enjoyed talking/skyping with him and his family laughs that he texts so much more now. I will admit that texting can't communicate emotions and can and will be misconstrued at some point. Keep that in mind. Also it may be difficult for him to text at work during the day....

Again, R&Rs advice is great... Talk to him and you BOTH come up with a plan that will work.


We all get cranky.

The thing is he already mentioned that he prob doesn't text enough and that he is really terrible at checking his phone, I didn't even bring it up, but after he mentioned it, I told I would like to be texted more. Some days we go 3 texts back and fourth. Usually I initiate the Skype calls for the most part (it has been like that since I started talking to him), but he doesn't mind spending an 1 or 2 w/me on Skype. Still though I am terrible at looking at my phone, but when I'm dating someone I have it on me practically all the time, not looking at it 24/7, but I have it near me and check it at least once and hour. The thing that concerns me is this could be a sign of interest and I really would like to know before investing $ in trips and that emotional investment I'm putting in. I am def going to talk to him about interest level because this is not working for me, I visit him in a month, but I don't want his excitement to only be there once I visit again and a week or less after.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

It isn't a good enough excuse.

It sort of makes me think of a couple sitting on opposite sides of the bed, facing the opposite direction. Just because one of them is in a foul mood.

Exactly what I thought, especially one text just to let me know what is going on. How can he sound unpleasant through text, it isn't Skype or a phone call. Bad sign or no?

[sasad]

Exactly what I thought, especially one text just to let me know what is going on. How can he sound unpleasant through text, it isn't Skype or a phone call. Bad sign or no?

He is seeing you and canceled hanging out with his friends and you are upset over texting even though he Skype's you for an hour or two....he posted pictures of you on social media. His profile picture is of you.He says he doesn't check his phone. You check yours 24/7. He calls you. You all communicate.

What more do you need ? He's not a Texter and he doesn't keep his phone in eyesight every second like you do. You are looking for a negative instead of looking at the positives.. Stop comparing him to your ex or you were going to mess up this relationship. It's not fair on him when he is more then obvious about being in a relationship with you.

[Redheart14]

Take a step back and give him some space. He's communicating with you in other ways and that's a good thing. Don't overthink things, it'll drive you crazy otherwise.

[Chris516]

Exactly what I thought, especially one text just to let me know what is going on. How can he sound unpleasant through text, it isn't Skype or a phone call. Bad sign or no?

Hopefully he can tell why he is not happy, and what he is not happy about.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Take a step back and give him some space. He's communicating with you in other ways and that's a good thing. Don't overthink things, it'll drive you crazy otherwise.

Yeah that is what is happening to me and I don't want to be that way, I try my best to keep myself in check.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

He is seeing you and canceled hanging out with his friends and you are upset over texting even though he Skype's you for an hour or two....he posted pictures of you on social media. His profile picture is of you.He says he doesn't check his phone. You check yours 24/7. He calls you. You all communicate.

What more do you need ? He's not a Texter and he doesn't keep his phone in eyesight every second like you do. You are looking for a negative instead of looking at the positives.. Stop comparing him to your ex or you were going to mess up this relationship. It's not fair on him when he is more then obvious about being in a relationship with you.

I know its not fair and I am not going to blame him for what other guys did in the past.