Need help maintaining contact/attraction with someone in another state

[sonder1234]

Hello! To start, I am a 27 year old man living in NYC. I know this is a bit long; there is a TLDR at the end if you don't feel like reading the whole thing.

A few months back, something bad happened to me and I ended up being sort of depressed for a little while. A couple of friends from back home (DC area) decided to visit me to cheer me up, catch up, all that good stuff.

They came up two weekends ago, and brought a friend with them. The friend is a girl in her 20s, I would guess around 25-26 based on the age of the friends she came with. Anyway, we quickly hit it off, and after a day of hanging out in the city we ended up making out at a club at the end of the night. I ended up staying over at their airbnb that night, but I took an air mattress and we did not share a bed or have sex. She later told me that she wanted to, but didn't want to seem too easy.

We've been texting fairly regularly since she went back home. At first it was just shooting the shit, but then she asked me if I remembered kissing at the club, and since then our conversations have taken on a flirtier vibe. During one such conversation I told her that I thought we should bang sometime, and she indicated to me that she'd like that. We have vague plans to hang out when I visit home later this year.

I just got a new job here in the city, and the earliest I'd be able to visit home would probably be Thanksgiving. We still text each other, and when I remember I'll wish her well at night before I go to bed and she'll respond in kind. However, I've found myself sometimes of struggling for stuff to say. I work a pretty mundane job and am currently doing community service on the weekends, so there isn't a lot of exciting stuff going on in my life right now. I noticed also that it is often me who initiates conversations. Sometimes I'll text just to say how are you, or to share random funny thoughts that pop into my head.

The bottom line is this: I don't want to have an endless stream of boring "how are you, oh I'm pretty much the same as yesterday thanks" type conversations. At the same time, I'd like to pick up where we left off when I go home so I'm not really sure what to do. I've never done anything resembling a long distance relationship. Will the attraction fade if I don't keep up contact? If so, what are some things that I can say/do to keep things going until I have a chance to see her in person?

**tl;dr - met a girl, hit it off, but she lives in a different state. Been staying in touch and have vague plans visit (she lives in my hometown), but feeling like our communications are starting to get a little repetitive. How can I keep things going until I can see her in person again?**

[Moon]

I only read the TL;DR, so hope this is relevant! Communication definitely can get repetitive, especially when talking is all you have. If you check the main page of the site, there are some helpful things for just such a situation, like:

1000 Questions And,

LDR Activities

They might seem a bit silly sometimes, but they work. Have fun with them.

Also, ask how she feels about current events, or her favorite vacation spots she's been to. Tell her about something you say that that that might spark a more in depth conversation, be a little creative. You can do it, we all go through this at some point Good luck!

[sonder1234]

Thank you for your help! Would you recommend just keeping the texting up until I can visit, or is there something more proactive I should do?

The thing that makes this a little different from the other LDRs here is that it really isn't a long distance "relationship" so much as a long distance "attraction". We've made no commitments to each other, and frankly I don't even know where this is going, but my heart tells me I want to see her again and see what happens. I'm just afraid that the spark will fade before I get a chance to do so.

[Moon]

Just because it's only an attraction right now doesn't mean you can't have interesting, more in-depth communication. Texting is boring, try to have a Skype, face time, Viber, whatever call arranged every few weeks or so, it's way easier to communicate effectively when you can here voice inflection, or even body language. Don't be put off by the titles of those links, many of the items and questions can be done between any two people, not just those in relationships. Get past the "How was your day" and your conversations will stay interesting and fresh, and it'll help you to get to know each other better, and help decide if there's more to it than just attraction.

[Moon]

Just thought of this, might be a little stupid, so bear with me! People like when people value their thoughts or opinions, even on silly stuff. You can always take the approach of something like 'I have vacation time next year and want to go somewhere I haven't been, do you have any suggestions or places you've always liked?" "Mars, huh? Cool, what do you like about it, have you been there?"

"Looking for something different on Netflix, got a good recommendation?" 'What, The Love Boat?? Really? What do you like about it?"

"My brother (mom, dad, sis) is such a pain in the ass! He was supposed to bring the beer and he showed up with Coors Light, WTF! Ugh, know what I mean, do you have any pain in the ass siblings?"

Ask her opinion about things, listen to what she says, ask questions. Nothing is nicer than someone who listens to you. If you think of something during the day, make a note in your phone so you don't forget. As you get to know each other better, this gets significantly easier, but you gotta start somewhere.

[hmrambling]

I agree that the 1000 questions help. My SO and I do these questions on road trips and sometimes on the phone.

[maybesomeday]

During one such conversation I told her that I thought we should bang sometime.

That's flattering.

[sonder1234]

Thank you again for all your help! I will be sure to keep all of your advice in mind. The links you sent me were great as well. I will give all of this a shot, and keep my fingers crossed!

[sonder1234]

That's flattering.

In the context of our conversation, it didn't seem quite so chauvinistic. At least, neither of us seemed to think so.

[Chris516]

I only read the TL;DR, so hope this is relevant! Communication definitely can get repetitive, especially when talking is all you have. If you check the main page of the site, there are some helpful things for just such a situation, like:

1000 Questions And,

LDR Activities

They might seem a bit silly sometimes, but they work. Have fun with them.

Also, ask how she feels about current events, or her favorite vacation spots she's been to. Tell her about something you say that that that might spark a more in depth conversation, be a little creative. You can do it, we all go through this at some point Good luck!

Great suggestions!

[Star7]

Ugh, maybe u guys can help me. I have no prob coming up with clever texts etc but unfortunately my bf (900miles away) responds but then disappears after only a few texts. I don't wanna be the needy girl but it's really starting to get to me. I brought it up & he said I seemed somewhat insecure. Long story short..he's an alcoholic & frequently just passed out etc which I get. Yes I'm aware I shouldn't tolerate it but we care about each other & he makes me laugh. Well unfortunately now I cry more than laugh How do I unlike him or am I just being impatient?