Our first visit and the first major goodbye

[Fldancer90]

My boyfriend came to visit this weekend and I had the time of my life. He hasn't been home in a month (I know that for many people on this site, that's not long) and it was the first long period for us to go without seeing eachother. I was so excited to see him and so anxious for how it'd feel. I was so incredibly happy the entire weekend.

Then came the goodbye this morning. I knew it'd be hard but I didn't know how hard. I hugged him and told him I hated the distance. We talked about possible weekends in the next month or so where we can see eachother and I flashed back to how much I missed him in the month before this visit.

After he left, I completely broke down. Looking at this month ahead of us, it feels like it will be more difficult than the first month apart. I don't want him to go and watching him leave killed me.

How do I cope with the overwhelming emotions that come with saying goodbye at the end of each visit? Any advice on how to deal with the goodbyes and not letting this part ruin the whole relationship?

[sasad]

Yup.... Lots of advice in other threads too... Basically, give yourself 24, 48 hours or so to feel sad etc., then put on your big girl panties and get on with your life. Plan stuff, maybe do a memory book for each time you are together or something. But get up and live your life. I still say R&R said it best. Your SO should enhance your life, not BE your life....
I can't say it gets easier as for some it doesn't. After 2 years for us, we realized we don't function as well apart, but we do survive and thrive.

[Chris516]

Instead words of philosophy, theory, and opinion.

I wanted to offer music to help you through the tough times. When you n' he are not together:

Journey:

1. 'Don't Stop Believin'

2. 'Why Can't This Night Go On Forever'

3. 'Stay Awhile'

I hope these help in those down times when you n' he are achingly missing each other.

[Fldancer90]

Yup.... Lots of advice in other threads too... Basically, give yourself 24, 48 hours or so to feel sad etc., then put on your big girl panties and get on with your life. Plan stuff, maybe do a memory book for each time you are together or something. But get up and live your life. I still say R&R said it best. Your SO should enhance your life, not BE your life....
I can't say it gets easier as for some it doesn't. After 2 years for us, we realized we don't function as well apart, but we do survive and thrive.

Thank you for sharing these tips. I think my biggest problem was I felt like my emotions this morning weren't okay. Like I shouldn't be crying after having such a great weekend together. So I am thankful to hear that feeling those emotions is a part of adjusting to an LDR but that I can't allow myself to let them consume me. Thank you!

[Fldancer90]

Instead words of philosophy, theory, and opinion.

I wanted to offer music to help you through the tough times. When you n' he are not together:

Journey:

1. 'Don't Stop Believin'

2. 'Why Can't This Night Go On Forever'

3. 'Stay Awhile'

I hope these help in those down times when you n' he are achingly missing each other.

Thanks for sharing these songs! I'm a huge lyrics person so I think this will be a nice way to help me deal with the emotions.

[Sparkling72]

Every time you see each other, leaving will feel like you're being ripped apart. For me, it comes in waves...fine for a few days, sad the next. What helps us, is we still make "date nights" where we will spend the evening on a video call, play trivia or another game while having a drink and dinner.

[R&R]

Yup.... Lots of advice in other threads too... Basically, give yourself 24, 48 hours or so to feel sad etc., then put on your big girl panties and get on with your life. Plan stuff, maybe do a memory book for each time you are together or something. But get up and live your life. I still say R&R said it best. Your SO should enhance your life, not BE your life....
I can't say it gets easier as for some it doesn't. After 2 years for us, we realized we don't function as well apart, but we do survive and thrive.

This. Yes, saying "see you next time" may not be the easiest thing in the world, but it's a reality of being in an LDR. I find that each time we've ended a visit, it gets easier. We've adjusted that this is how it is for now, that this is our choice to stay in the relationship and that becoming a disaster after a viisit doesn't help either of us or our relationship. I always have enough going on in my own life at home that it makes the transition back to my life easy. I do miss him but I don't let it consume me.

[Fldancer90]

This. Yes, saying "see you next time" may not be the easiest thing in the world, but it's a reality of being in an LDR. I find that each time we've ended a visit, it gets easier. We've adjusted that this is how it is for now, that this is our choice to stay in the relationship and that becoming a disaster after a viisit doesn't help either of us or our relationship. I always have enough going on in my own life at home that it makes the transition back to my life easy. I do miss him but I don't let it consume me.

Thanks for your advice. I'm definitely back in the swing of my own life but miss him terribly. It's hard to adjust because I know long distance isn't his forte. He struggles with communication and that's hard to handle on my end. I wish we talked more.

[Fldancer90]

Every time you see each other, leaving will feel like you're being ripped apart. For me, it comes in waves...fine for a few days, sad the next. What helps us, is we still make "date nights" where we will spend the evening on a video call, play trivia or another game while having a drink and dinner.

I've got to figure out how to make date nights like that happen. When he leaves, it's hard to adjust and keep that romance alive. We text and talk on the phone but have yet to do anything else like you mentioned. I don't want our time apart to feel like we are just waiting for our next time together. But I know he has to want it on his end too.

[Chris516]

Thanks for sharing these songs! I'm a huge lyrics person so I think this will be a nice way to help me deal with the emotions.

Here are the lyrics like you originally wanted.

"Don't Stop Believin'"

Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere
Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere

A singer in a smokey room
The smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on, and on, and on

Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching
In the night
Streetlight people
Livin' just to find emotion
Hidin' somewhere in the night

Workin' hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some will win
Some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on, and on, and on

Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching
In the night
Streetlight people
Livin' just to find emotion
Hidin' somewhere in the night

[Instrumental interlude]

Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlight people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on
Streetlight people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlight people

"Why Can't This Night Go On Forever"

Lost in twilight, the memories
Precious moments, you and me
We've been old friends, all through the years
Picture postcards, sharing tears

What's in our hearts, there's never time, to say
Need you tonight, lover don't fade away
I've seen your city lights
As I walk away

Why can't this night...go on forever
Without love, we won't survive
Run together, we rule the night

Tell me secrets, oh that make you cry
Where's the laughter, we gotta try
What's in our hearts, there's never time to say
Need you tonight, lover don't fade away
Like a photograph
That time won't erase
Why can't this night...go on forever
Go on forever and ever...ever and ever.


"Lights"

[Chorus:]
When the lights go down in the City
And the sun shines on the bay
I want to be there in my City
Ooh, ooh

So you think you're lonely
Well my friend I'm lonely too
I want to get back to my City by the bay
Ooh, ooh

It's sad, oh there's been mornings out on the road without you,
Without your charms,
Ooh, my, my, my

[Chorus]


"Stay Awhile"

I'd do anything to hold you.
I'd go anywhere to touch you.
I'd do anything you want me to,
If you'll just stay with me awhile.
I'd sing any song your heart desires.
I would sing out loud of love's sweet fires.
Oo, I'd do all this and so much more.
If you'll just stay with me awhile.
Reach out your hand,
Oh, to me.
Oh, I'm fallin'
One minute more,
I'm fallin'
I'm fallin'
Oh, oh, fallin', fallin', fallin', fallin'
Won't you just stay with me awhile?