Am I being unfair on him?

[chrelnka]

HI,
My boyfriend has a young niece (age 2) and he just quit his full time job to work on a portfolio and freelance eventually. This week my mom has flown off with my Dad to have surgery and i'm home alone because I couldnt afford to go with her. (im 23, last time I was home alone my mom had to get a brain tumor removed and it was awful because I was alone, im old enough to take care of myself of course, but it's tough for me, im so close with her and ive never been apart from her and dont have anyone else) being someone who has no local friends or family, i'm on my own here for the next week and my boyfriend promised me that now he doesnt have work, he'll skype me every day and be there for me.


Today is the first day, he's been at his sisters house all day babysitting his niece (which is fine, he often does babysit her) but his mom is also there as well. Whenever he looks after his niece he doesnt message me much whatsoever which is also fine because shes young and needs to be watched. I admire him for staying off messenger. But the fact he promised me he'd be there for me and it's now 11pm for him (the niece goes to bed waaaaay too late in my opinion!!) he's posted on twitter a couple times during this time, but not spoken to me for about 3 hours. I'm a bit emotional as it is and it wouldnt be such a big deal if it wasnt already hard enough it's long distance.

I'm certain he'll come online soon and just say he had to give her a bath or get her off to sleep, but I dont understand, his mother/her grandmother is there as well, it doesnt take two people to babysit a child!!! I've had a handful of messages from him today and that's it. I'm getting upset that this is potentially the prospect now. His sister knows he doesnt go out to work so his life will consist of looking after his niece. Which is a big deal when we are 8 hours apart in time difference and it's already hard enough talking to him. I feel like this sounds petty but I'd really like your opinion please? I feel I take such a back seat (to a child yes I should but theres TWO PEOPLE there and his Mom actually sent me a meme about 30 minutes ago, she can come online but he cant? She's his niece not his child but at times you wouldnt think so) He's the loveliest guy in the world but it does get me down whenever he looks after his niece at times, he's not being there for me when I need him and I'm supposed to be okay with it?

[zaily]

HI,
My boyfriend has a young niece (age 2) and he just quit his full time job to work on a portfolio and freelance eventually. This week my mom has flown off with my Dad to have surgery and i'm home alone because I couldnt afford to go with her. (im 23, last time I was home alone my mom had to get a brain tumor removed and it was awful because I was alone, im old enough to take care of myself of course, but it's tough for me, im so close with her and ive never been apart from her and dont have anyone else) being someone who has no local friends or family, i'm on my own here for the next week and my boyfriend promised me that now he doesnt have work, he'll skype me every day and be there for me.


Today is the first day, he's been at his sisters house all day babysitting his niece (which is fine, he often does babysit her) but his mom is also there as well. Whenever he looks after his niece he doesnt message me much whatsoever which is also fine because shes young and needs to be watched. I admire him for staying off messenger. But the fact he promised me he'd be there for me and it's now 11pm for him (the niece goes to bed waaaaay too late in my opinion!!) he's posted on twitter a couple times during this time, but not spoken to me for about 3 hours. I'm a bit emotional as it is and it wouldnt be such a big deal if it wasnt already hard enough it's long distance.

I'm certain he'll come online soon and just say he had to give her a bath or get her off to sleep, but I dont understand, his mother/her grandmother is there as well, it doesnt take two people to babysit a child!!! I've had a handful of messages from him today and that's it. I'm getting upset that this is potentially the prospect now. His sister knows he doesnt go out to work so his life will consist of looking after his niece. Which is a big deal when we are 8 hours apart in time difference and it's already hard enough talking to him. I feel like this sounds petty but I'd really like your opinion please? I feel I take such a back seat (to a child yes I should but theres TWO PEOPLE there and his Mom actually sent me a meme about 30 minutes ago, she can come online but he cant? She's his niece not his child but at times you wouldnt think so) He's the loveliest guy in the world but it does get me down whenever he looks after his niece at times, he's not being there for me when I need him and I'm supposed to be okay with it?

It is understandable that you want him to be there for you, but he already knows the situation you are going through and the fact that he isn't contacting you as much as you would like could mean that you are probably being too needy/demanding. I don't mean to make you feel bad, at your age you should be able to handle being on your own. We can hope and expect that those we love are there for us, but they will only do it if they can and want to. You have to be careful about what you tell him about his niece and how you say it as that might be source of problems between you both. No matter what you tell him he will do what he wants or needs to do and you may need to find other ways to cope with the current situation.

[chrelnka]

Oh definitely I am old enough to handle myself and I do, it's just the fact it brings back bad memories, my mom had a brain tumor last time I was apart from her and im rarely apart from her. Nobody contacted me during that time to ask if I was okay, not one person, not even my grandmother called me.

I dont have any family or friends just down the road, im stuck in a country by myself. I worry about her and I hate the silence of the house, i have nothing to do but watch the hours tick by. I definitely never ever come off as needy, I take pride in that ive never been one to hate him having fun with friends or anything like that. Im always telling him to have fun with his friends and take time out with his niece. He's just always been this way right from the start I'm just especially upset he's doing it today of all days. I've never ever said anything about his niece, except how cute she is and how lovely it is that they are close, she was there before me I would never say anything like that to him. i just dont understand why he came home at midnight having spent all day with her ignoring me for several hours when there was really no need. He couldve at least sent me a 5 second message just to say he'd be back late or something.

[zaily]

According to what you say he isn't being very considerate right now, nobody is too busy to send a txt msg at least. You can try telling him how you feel, hopefully he would be able to understand and be there for you more. He probably doesn't realize how tough this is being for you because being alone for him may be no biggie, but you have special circumstances that are making things a lot more difficult and he needs to know that.

[Chris516]

HI,
My boyfriend has a young niece (age 2) and he just quit his full time job to work on a portfolio and freelance eventually. This week my mom has flown off with my Dad to have surgery and i'm home alone because I couldnt afford to go with her. (im 23, last time I was home alone my mom had to get a brain tumor removed and it was awful because I was alone, im old enough to take care of myself of course, but it's tough for me, im so close with her and ive never been apart from her and dont have anyone else) being someone who has no local friends or family, i'm on my own here for the next week and my boyfriend promised me that now he doesnt have work, he'll skype me every day and be there for me.


Today is the first day, he's been at his sisters house all day babysitting his niece (which is fine, he often does babysit her) but his mom is also there as well. Whenever he looks after his niece he doesnt message me much whatsoever which is also fine because shes young and needs to be watched. I admire him for staying off messenger. But the fact he promised me he'd be there for me and it's now 11pm for him (the niece goes to bed waaaaay too late in my opinion!!) he's posted on twitter a couple times during this time, but not spoken to me for about 3 hours. I'm a bit emotional as it is and it wouldnt be such a big deal if it wasnt already hard enough it's long distance.

I'm certain he'll come online soon and just say he had to give her a bath or get her off to sleep, but I dont understand, his mother/her grandmother is there as well, it doesnt take two people to babysit a child!!! I've had a handful of messages from him today and that's it. I'm getting upset that this is potentially the prospect now. His sister knows he doesnt go out to work so his life will consist of looking after his niece. Which is a big deal when we are 8 hours apart in time difference and it's already hard enough talking to him. I feel like this sounds petty but I'd really like your opinion please? I feel I take such a back seat (to a child yes I should but theres TWO PEOPLE there and his Mom actually sent me a meme about 30 minutes ago, she can come online but he cant? She's his niece not his child but at times you wouldnt think so) He's the loveliest guy in the world but it does get me down whenever he looks after his niece at times, he's not being there for me when I need him and I'm supposed to be okay with it?

This may seem slightly off-topic. But where your mother's brain tumor is concerned. I was born(1967) with a brain aneurysm, which caused me to also be born with hydrocephalus. The brain surgeries I had as a kid, caused epilepsy. I still have all three. But my point is to let you know that, I know what it is like to need brain surgery. I hope your mother is feeling better.

[hmrambling]

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I hope the best for her recovery.

First off, when I read your post and it said that he said that he will Skype every day, I thought that Skyping every day was an unattainable goal. I believe in setting attainable, achievable, realistic goals. I would have a hard time making good on a promise that I would Skype every day.

Do you have other friends for support? Who is your support network? Why do you not have more of a support network? If he has texted you a handful of times a day, what more are you wanting?

I really encourage you to be independent, make friends, become social, have a support network, and to not sit by the phone and constantly wait for his next text.

[snow]

Watching a 2-year-old is not as easy as watching a baby, babies sleep and eat most of the time, toddler want to be entertained. They need constant supervision, so I can definitely see how he might have thought he did not have a minute to talk to you.

However, if he made an agreement with you, it was on him to let you know he won't be able to make it. As in sending you a message before he even got there saying, "it might be late, I might not be able to skype with you tonight" or if his mom was there, then he should have asked her to watch her for a second while he sends a text. Toddlers usually take naps, so he most likely should be able to text you during that time.

I don't think you are being unfair to him, but I think he promised something he didn't know he wasn't able to do. You need to talk about it again and re-adjust.